remember..

to think of my breathing when I'm nervous.

Left handers are so cool.

And as predicted, Giants won game 4.  I forgot to mention, before the series began, I predicted that Giants would win in 6 games against the Phillys to counter what these "experts" say.  And now, in the World Series, I had this feeling that Giants will win in 5, but I also said that Sanchez will lose game 3.  I am not psychic.  Because, in game 2 of the NBA Finals, as Celtics were down by 11 or so, I predicted they would win by 10 points.  However, Celtics won by 9.

Enough procrastination.  A research paper is due tomorrow, along with a presentation of it.  I have a volunteer job to do tomorrow, so I must sleep at least four hours so I can be energetic, and a good impression to these complete and well, legal society lurkers of the future.

Since when have I acquired this peculiar reaction to Fritos?  Or any chips with a bag O_O, my right ring finger near the bottom of the nail itches uncontrollably.  Can't.  Stop.  Scratching.  Just like love, and the future, I'm acting before I'm thinking about the future, even though I know scratching is bad and would lead to more complications.

just one person...

Just one person can influence my decisions so drastically @_@

I should have done this.  I should have done that.

But ultimately, I should just prepare for it.  And I know that I should prepare, but somethings holding me back.  And maybe it's just thinking that somethings holding me back when something really isn't.

But I get lazy.  And now I'm sleepy.  And the preparation isn't set.  And I fail.

It was me.  I couldn't relate.  So much for 100% understanding.

Anyways, wuts really hood?!?!

future chess.

I thought of a correlation.  Ever since I've been playing chess fast, as in, making a move without thinking too forward, I've been making hasty decisions in general, outside of chess. That was in... 8th grade, I think.  Or 7th.  So now, I've been making these decisions, since after 7th or 8th grade.

I see myself in the future, being homeless.  I'll be napping on a couch all my life.  Or sitting somewhere, starring up at the sky.  Or, I'll sit near the creek in the park.  Like that deep ditch with that mini river surrounded by lots of trees which is across the street from my middle high school. Actually, I won't, because when the middle schoolers or high schoolers are dismissed from class, they might walk by me.  And true isolationists (thought this word would be underlined red... oh well) are far away from any being.

I despise his existence.

Those were the last words I heard her say, regarding me.  But it's okay.  You are not alone.  I do too.  I know I shouldn't have begged.  But it wouldn't feel honest if I didn't.  The honesty thing got all over my head.

Anyways this won't stop me from doing homework. I think my next paper for Gov will be about the U.S. , Aristide, and Randall Robinson.  Because I felt something pierce through my heart as I heard those words.

why

This morning, I felt so ... I don't know what to call it.  But I felt like sleeping and never waking up. Sometimes, I feel like I'm myself when I feel depressed.   I may even like depression.  Like as in a start of love.  It might not be depression, it might just be me.  I am so accustomed to that feeling, so when I feel it, it feels like it's me, and I feel at home, when I'm so close to feeling to kill myself.  I feel honest. Am I trying to be so fascinated with everything when I'm not?  Because I'm not getting any better on those things I "find" fascinating, like education and literature or whatever.  How do I know if I'm doing okay anyway.  And after thinking like this, I feel so stupid, so I revert back to shooting baskets, or playing a video game.  Or something... maybe looking at the mirror.  Or cleaning my room.  Or sitting in the back being mesmerized by my organization structure of my room.  Or repeating videos on youtube.  What should I do?

I want a sofa instead of a bed.  I see myself in an apartment, sleeping on the couch.  Living with just a computer.  And I'll be going to the library often.  But I'm sure so many people will be against it, and I'll be against it as well, since other people are against it and I do mind what people think about me, especially if they are people who have been in my life for a long time, and will be forever.

"Live not to be successful, but to be of value." Albert Einstein.

I think I'm only good at tutoring kids.  But what if I tutor them so well, that when they grow up, they go to an IVY league school, become one of those CEOs and end up sucking up the money from the poor?!?!  Sigh, there's always side effects to everything. Eating, heart attack.  Loving, competition.  Friends, disappointment.   There's no end.  So I guess I'm missing something.

Is public opinion on love, and "the good" all originating from the media?  What influences what "love" should be, and what influences what "good" should be?  And even if it's influenced that way, does it matter?  Feelings don't matter.  Opinion doesn't matter.  These things shouldn't matter.  But to me, it does.

hope it lasts.

Optimism, check.  "Being myself", check.  Outlook on what I want, check.  Thinking of just getting to know her, check.  Voice, check.  Shower, check.  Yup, I'm ready to say hi to her!  Hopefully nothing contaminates my state of mind from now, through the night, and until the next morning when I *might* see her lol.  Remember, I just want to know her, and say hi.  Yup, that's it.

Finally passed While the Rekkid Spinz on 9!  I passed it twice today, each score around 50% though, lol.  I set it so I won't fail so easily.

Neil Gaimon was a guest in today's Arthur episode.  I'm looking forward to seeing that episode again, because he said something that I wanted to remember, but forgot.  I guess that's the importance of a smart phone, once he said what he said, I could have tweeted it lol.  Second episode in Arthur was about the Sock market, basic information which might get kids to understand about the depression and such.  This is my favorite kid's show.

Wish JK Rowling had a blog, I really want to know what she's up to and such, but I guess she's taking care of her kids and whatever.  I'm following Neil on twitter though, and subscribed to his blog.  He has recorded many interesting quotes, about love and life.  Actually, readers record his writing from his books, that transcribe into quotes.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up."

"I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing."

Yup, that's Neil Gaimon.

Shadow Session at Riverside tomorrow!  I don't know what I should be feeling. I'm worried that I'd end up in the wrong Riverside.  What if there are two Riversides?!?!  Oh well, I'll just go to the one I know.

Been also getting into this anime, Psychic Detective Yakumo.  It's okay, I'm not entirely hooked, though I'm only on the third episode.

experience and change.

This current slight ignition of infatuation is helping me cope, because I’ll never talk to her again.  When I think about her, and then think about this one, I loose my feelings for that one.  I guess when I’m really in love, the experience of getting out of it is irrelevant to getting out. When I’m in love, I know I’m in love, and I am in love. Back then, I was talking to other people in hopes that I can talk to her.  Experience in talking to others, hoping that I’ll be able to talk to her.  Now that we will never talk to each other again, I’m reverting back to my cold isolated self.  My natural self, which isn’t what I’m trying to be.  I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to be. Isolation is my natural response, though. Like touching the stove, pulling my hand out, is to talking, regretting, then isolating.

To change, I think people’s only motivation for change is love.  I’d change for who I love.  Maybe this is why America is failing so much.  It’s not the same feeling as loving someone, but I think it should be.  People who love America as someone, whether it’s a psychological psychopath person, he can change the nation for the better. The change must be loved.  But I guess it works too if it’s linked to pride.  But whatever.  Just saying that I think love is the most important factor in change.

Looking back at it, I was a total mess right after and during that entire process.   I couldn’t study, didn’t do work, didn’t think of my career, I just wanted her to love me back, and searched for ANY kind of sign that brought hope.  This continued for days.  Even when we weren’t going to talk anymore, I still hoped, wrote, thought of what to do, but I really couldn’t do anything.   Slept more than I was awake, ignoring everyone.  So, I should learn to give up on hope, and just stop hoping.  I'll think about hope, but I won't research on hope.

Finally it shifted when her best friend severed friendship with me, and when I started watching Detective Conan again.  And then basketball.  And the shift stood strong.  DDR, ITG, basketball, improving my health, reading other people’s blogs, critical thinking,  piano.  And then the piano girl lolol.  But damn I think I was so cool in the IRL part of it, that people and friends didn’t notice how much pain I was in.  So if you’re my friend and I didn’t tell you about it, don’t worry coz I told no one.   The story is only being told here.  And maybe whatever “she” says about it to her social circle.

I think this is my first true love.  We never physically met.  But I certainly talked to her more than anyone else.   I thought of her more than anyone else.  And she was my motivation.  Back then.  I don't remember much about my past likes.  But this one... I can say, September, we met.  October, we argued.  November, we were friends again.  December, we argued.  And much more, my own emotional struggles, and now I'm realizing it, that I caused so much trouble by liking her that way...  I know it is my first true love, I couldn't even move on if I wanted to.  I like her so much and I still do. But now, it's really over, and I'm going to move on whether I like it or not. So, cute piano girl, prepare yourself for a hi.

… Infatuation isn’t useless, I’m making good use out of it to work on something, and to get my mind off something.  I know that I’m moving on, because the excitement in my stomach is telling me so.  Hope infatuation changes once I get to know her. Worse that could happen is that she likes me, but I start thinking about her. Hm, I hate saying her, and she.  From now on, her and she will be referred to the cute piano girl, and the original "her" and "she" from the beginning of this blog will be called "ma peche" lol, coz I'm thinking of Albedo Atm.

This is Albedo. Goodnight.  Haha, this is so like me to think of her, er ma peche, when I have a midterm tomorrow.

full combo.

I'll edit this later, just wanted to make the quick note so I know whose music not to write about, coz I did Shubert and Debussy already.

Detective Conan and the, erm, Professor Layton: The Eternal Diva was such a great movie omg lol. I think the overall message is about death and how to deal with it.  People live forever through memories.  Sigh, that means no one should come in contact with me if I want to die or else I'll live forever O_O

I like Level-5's character designs, they are drawn so silly, cute, and it's just so strange compared to other drawings.  Maybe it's an illusion created by how each character's eyes and height are not drawn at the same size.  It's like having an anime character next to a He-Man.

[failed screen captured pic insert here... .jpg lol]

Also, passed Healing Vision Angelic mix on 9 for the first time lol  I used one foot for 8th notes (I think they're called 8th notes?) this time instead of using two foot alternation.  It wasn't that fast after playing No 1 Nation 10+ times.

Yesterday I achieved a full combo on While the Rekkid Spinz (7), sadly, it wasn't a *.  My excuse is that I'm using a soft pad with no bar haha.Almost passed it on (9) but I failed at the last stream!  Tomorrow I'll pass it fa sho.

I would be more proud if it was Mellow, I always miss 1 note.  Sigh. lol

Hm my window looks so weird without the curtain.  My curtain is in the hamper preparing to be cleaned. It used to be this way the first year I lived in this house though.

weeeeeeeeeeee.

Once I own Xenoblade, I must cop dis!:



Wished those 8-bit toons were actually figurines that came in the box... V

!!!

Games to get:  Final Fantasy IV After Years, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Arc Rise Fantasia (maybe), Last Story... I feel like I'm missing something.

I literally feel like I was 13 yesterday, and woke up as a 20 yr old, without dreams and goals.

Back to watching Professor Layton: The Eternal Diva.

back.

I'm going back to my old self.  What was my old self?  Striving hard, working hard, getting things done.  I'm tired of being relaxed and carefree.  I'm tired of watching the world, and thinking that nothing will change.  I want to go back to who I used to be, or who I thought I was before.

But I can't, because I'm just me.  I'm everything I've done.  I can't "say" that I'm going back.  Except, I've learned a lot more.  I'll have a higher level of motivation as I work harder.  I guess I'm just inspired by Captain Tezuka lol  He's so serious, I think it's cool to be serious, like I was before... at least, I'd like to think that I was serious, maybe I wasn't so serious.

I was told to relax and smile. After my first, I started smiling... and people commended me for smiling!  Or not commend, but were like "woah you're smiling!"  I guess I never did smile back then.  Even in fifth grade, my teacher wrote in my "yearbook" that I have to smile more, and try to relax and that I have a nice smile.  Another fifth grade friend wrote that it's funny how I try to hide my smile.  And almost everyone else said that I'm too quiet.  I guess I get lost in my head often, that I don't realize what I'm affecting around me.

It could also be that I thought I was like what they said but what was I back then?  Back then when I didn't feel so pessimistic.  Was I pessimistic back then?  Am I pessimistic now?  Eh, whatever lol

I like Manga because of *one* writer and artist.  I feel that I learn more about the person and I grasp the entire meaning of the piece and what the writer is trying to convey in it.  77-78 PoT

Last Thursday, I missed my chance yet again.  She was walking ahead of me, I didn't do anything.  BUT I was also ready in case we met at the roll sheet, or whenever I see her down a hallway.  I was SO ready to say hi, but I didn't see her.  Nor was my friend here today, and it sucks because I really wanted to talk about this with her.  Anyways, I noticed that she wore her jacket around the waist.  YES!  She's not that intimidating anymore knowing she did a nerd! Or maybe it's not a nerd since she's a she, and guy nerds tie jackets or sweaters around their waste.  Hmm.  But man, that will attract more people to her... I'm afraid of other guys finding her attractive which is most likely... this is why I have to act quick before it's too late... sigh.

... one month left. I just know that I'll regret not saying anything to her after this semester is over, and as I age.

Maybe I'll bring my big umbrella and hopefully it rains... and she forgets her umbrella... KLJFS!! WTF.

OH YEAH.  And 9s I passed: No 1 Nation, Xuxa, July, Tell, While the Rekkid Spinz.  Gonna try to beat Let My love Go Blind next lol, I died at the end with that <>< looking consecutive steps, I think its good practice coz I seem to be bad at those.  And the steps that go <>^<V or something like that lol (the awkward twist/turns which may put my back facing the screen)

happy birthday dad!

I have Skies of Arcadia COMPLETE now.  Thank you cuhzbro.

My dad turns 53 today.We played basketball.  Thank goodness I lost (not in purpose), hopefully my dad noticed that I was playing my best, and hopefully he feels younger now that he beat me lol

hm not much to say... watched the last games of the preseason. Starting to get back into Prince of Tennis.

Note to self: EP 304 DC

missed my chance.

She was right there, OMG could've said hi but noOOoo.  I passed the roll sheet to her and didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything to me.  hmph.  I'm suspecting she has a BF coz she's all focused and everytying hmm oh well gotta say hi next time lol

Now let me reminisce of all the chances I could have had.

1.  First day of school.  She was walking to class, and she was ahead of me.  I, who usually walks fast, slowed down because I was intimidated by her looks LOl

2.  Sat next to me.

3.  Sat next to me again, and tapped my shoulder coz she wanted me to pass up my music quiz lmao

4.  She was sitting in the hallway unexpectedly.  I rushed to the practice room because I felt nervous.

5.  Saw her working at the concert, but didn't say hi coz I didn't recognize her.

6.  Could have said hi to her when I passed up my listening paper.

7.  Could have said hi to her when I passed the roll sheet.

WTF.  so in conclusion, I have no balls and I'm a little kid. I'm sure there was more... near the first day of school, I saw her at the library.

This infatuation thing is working though... I want to be healthy like her LOL and I lost 5 lbs!  I passed all 8 songs on ITG.  I started on 9s, but failed the first one.   My excuse is that I was too tired.  But right after I shot a couple of hoops.  I want to go one on one with someone... I feel like blocking someone so bad!

And so a crossover game with Prof Layton and Phoenix Wright was just announced... http://www.1up.com/news/professor-layton-meets-phoenix-wright-3ds

Xenoblade or this?!?! I love puzzles and detective stuff.

XENO.

If Xenoblade has an official release date, I'm getting a Wii.  I'll get the game first though, and then the Wii.  Xenoblade looks like the only RPG that I want to play ATM.  Sarah Àlainn's Beyond the Sky is so beautifully sung ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iPQP7aDe_Y )... and I'm following Soraya Saga on Twitter lol (worked on Xenosaga and Xenoblade).  And I should also get Baten Kaitos if I get a Wii...!  (if the Wii can play Gamecube games...)

http://www.nintendo.co.jp/wii/sx4j/characters/index.html

These character designs look amazing.

I also discovered Sarah Àlainn's youtube ch and blog... I wonder how old she is so I can compare ourselves intellectually and where we're at in life lol... hope she's older than 25 or so, but she looks 21 or 22, sigh.

I think my shooting got better... when I practice, I must practice going up one on one against someone.  Shoot open shots, pass when I don't or dribble ahead... I'm short, so I have to practice being like a point guard. Ray Allen and Paul Pierce do not miss any shots during practice. I must not miss any shots either!

I'm procrastinating again on my government essay as usual. I could never think of a thesis.  This is why I hate essays.  I don't like thinking up topics and researching, it just doesn't interest me and I lost credibility on everything anyways.  AND I don't have much opinions on issues and such.  Maybe I need to live by myself or something to form opinions that I'd be satisfied with... oh well, must write something though for 20+ points?  I might not like my argument, but at least I'll follow the structure.  My heart isn't in this, because I am not passionate about any issue.

I think I'll finish FFVIII ASAP, and right after, finishing up FFXII.  I started FFX like two weeks ago if I didn't say that, and I'm not hooked.  Maybe it's because I'm not that far into it, so past game series are drawing me in.

Last weekend I kept replaying and watching the endings of Xenosaga EPI and III.  Is it bad that my favorite character is Wilhelm?  The guy who watches the universe revolve around him, precisely calculating what's going to happen and what's going to end up as... except the sadist part, I don't like that characteristic about him, but his outlook is so amazing.  chaos and Wilhelm, staying calm and when things aren't going there way, they don't respond with an over exaggerated reaction.  chaos's eternal melancholic expression is intriguing as well, I wish more games have as good as a story and development as Xenosaga, which is why I'm looking forward to Xenoblade.  I could tell that it's genuine, and the creator really crafted it with a passion.  That's just by looking at reviews and trailers and screen shots and the website though. It's Takahashi, of course.

Jin Uzuki... the moment before he dies in the ending, he longs for the past, and never felt that way before.  He wanted to go back.  I wonder if that meant that he regret sacrificing himself to help Nephilim, Abel, chaos, and KOS-MOS.  I feel the same way, even though I'm not going to die right now.  I'm longing for the past.  I didn't say spoilers, because that's not the true ending.  Soraya Saga and Takahashi's ending is much different... I'm really curious to what their ending for the series is.

This is why I'm excited for Xenoblade.  It's Takahashi's first, for us, our first time to see a game his team actually finished w/o bein rushed.

Sigh, I want to play games... back to my essay. And wish me luck!  If things go well, and somehow I get a chance to talk to her, I'll go up to her with my friend and start something... sad to say that I'm superficial and she's looking good lol love her hair and the way she dresses.  She says "excuse me" "thank you", helped out in the concert, nice hair, hard worker, not afraid to ask for something she doesn't know... yeeee.  I guess it's not that much based solely on her appearance :P

good mood.

I beat Adel!  Finally... she had na-na-na-nothing on Selphie baby.

Shell on Rinoa.  Regen on Rinoa.  Auto-haste + 40% speed on Squall, normal attacking.  Selphie + Cactuar + Recover.  Zell + Curaga + Revive.  It took me 30 minutes, four tries.

I think my stamina increased drastically.  But it may be because of night, that I did not tire out easily.

Doing "basketball circles" really helps with the rhythm pertaining to free throw shots.

I like sleeping, I feel healthy.

And I feel like reading Prince of Tennis and watching The Girl Who Leap Through Time.

I also had another idea in my story thingie... where Deske cuts off his arm to prove that he doesn't care about himself, but it just shows he does anyway, because of what the bad guy says. And it's starting to feel a lot like Xenosaga, so I should back down a bit on the Gods and whutnot.

Received Mew, 10:07 AM, October 15, 2010.

I want to be confident as a pessimist and cynic, but cheerful and not contradictory at the same time. Au contraire... I just felt like saying au contraire.

"For love?  Ridiculous.  That has no value."  -Wilhelm, Xenosaga EP. III

Yeay had a brain fart.  Idea of a story would be... God's creation of the "love" concept was actually a mutation in the universal chain of time.  BUAHAHA.  And she comes down to destroy and erase the concept off existence. LOl and so our midget heroes will try to protect "love," by rebelling against God. I wonder if that has been done before...

And before the crisis happens, Deske falls in love with God, who is Leena, a human incarnation of God. She chose being human, because they seemed to be the most interesting species, and are different than the other "animals".  She is also a whore, but a silent pianist and musician and whatever.... she plays strange tunes, which aren't rhythmatically connected at all, but for some strange reason, it flows well and Deske thinks that he understands her.    And Deske falls in love with her so much!  And there will be also other story arcs.  Love triangles, science, with attacking microorganisms, the "big bacteria" that battles God... this is designed to be epic.

Oh yeah, and God doesn't wear makeup, but looks so naturally cute and intelligent, so Deske immediately falls for her, and is also the reason why he doesn't have much of a competition is that God is the quiet type that sits in a piano room all day playing the piano... or should it be organ.

Why do I feel that this story has been done before? =_=  I hope not! omfg i feel like being awake and motivated.  My part time story begins!  wraahhhH

it is unfortunate.

If we don't plan on where we're going, we'll end up where we didn't plan on going.

Everyone's working hard on their goals.  To make money, meet that special someone, gain some sort of status to show off to their friends.  To support themselves.

Except me.  I feel that my goal is to die. I only see death.  No middle point, just death.   Closest to death is torture.  Passing a test is close to success.  It's like the success in progress.  Torturing oneself, is hurt, death is extreme hurt, thus it is the success after achieving consecutive 100%s on torture.

I will fail all my tests.  I will destroy all my relationships.  I'll build a wall over my island.  I'll isolate myself.  I'll make bad first impressions.  I'll eliminate emotions except the feeling of melancholy.

It is unfortunate that I unconsciously care about my own well-being.

I tested our knives.  The sharpest one seems to be the one with "R O G E R" engraved on the blade.

daily rituals.

Wake up, and shoot some hoops.

Prepare for school.

Scales, sightread.

Then school!  I shouldn't turn on my PC... well, maybe to blog if I don't feel like wasting any paper.  I finally got my answer to the paper problem I've been wondering about for a long time.  How can saving paper save trees when the paper is already made from the tree?  With paper consumed as it is now, the supply for paper will remain constant, thus halting the rapid production of an excess of paper.  Not using paper will keep the supply relatively high, thus companies will not make as much, as it won't be as cost efficient for them to spend money only to have extra paper. Therefore trees will be saved by its low demand.

So let's save paper!  And use our carbon emitting PCs to do our dirty work. It's better than trees being cut down to release so much  though. Hm, but one blog page handwritten is like 1/100000 of a tree.  I wonder what the carbon emitting proportions would be for each typed thing to be handwritten compared to how long the PC releasing carbon to type the thing.

Way to get off topic again.

And Tiana Xiao's intelligence is so sexy.

I swear I have ADHD. It's not my surroundings though, it's my own friggin head, so at least  I have a slight resistance to solitary confinement!

I keep getting mad and frustrated at home.

But at least I keep silent.  I don’t know, do I need more calcium?  Do I need friends?  What’s missing… sure not everyone will not piss me off, but this is just crazy.  I get mad at the smallest things, and I don’t want to get mad at the smallest things.   I want to be calm with that neutral expression all the time.  Sigh.  What do I have to train myself to do to have no emotions?  Watch shows that kill people over and over?  Then what if I turn into a killer?  I look calm, but I am not calm.

My Professor in Critical Thinking answered my question!  It was the one about what he thinks about the quote; “Ignorance is bliss” , which is actually from “Where ignorance is bliss, ‘Tis folly to be wise.”  I did not get everything he said down, though I did capture something about hiding from the truth when you know it’s there.  He asked rhetorically “only in fantasy can make you happy?”  No matter how much we hide from it, it’s there when you know it.  I like how he connected it to individual humans rather than the world tied up together.  There was much more that he said about it… I’ll ask him about cynical people next time the class has an opportunity to ask a question in the 1 minute papers.

bad day. maybe tomorrow.

My piano teacher said that I'm a waste of existence because I'm not doing sight reading properly... in front of that one girl.

And we turned back from Downer because I felt like I would be a stranger with no college ID.

Bad day.

But playing basketball made it all better.  I feel like I'm good at something when I swish all my shots.  My shooting accuracy isn't 100% though, it's like 60-70%.  80% if I concentrate probably.

I shall add a reminder that Mew is available through Pokemon.com this Friday.

And I'm typing another sentence here so I won't skip the bold.

The days not over yet, I have a lot of work to do.

Why do I have to be so sensitive? =_=

At least I don't show it lol

Cheerio.

i gots a keyboard...

In my room!  Lightly nifty.  Picture soon, after my camera is finished chargin!  R-Blade!



It's right next to my PC so I can practice my scales and SR while I wait until my PC finishes it's favorite activity; lagging, which is fairly often.  And I like it!

Anyways, I don't want the hero to be cynical anymore.  There will be a cynical character, but he won't be the main.  I guess it'll be more like an FFVI with no mains, or a switch in the middle of the story... like a Terra to Celes.  Or a switch in between like a Squall and Laguna.  Or Felt and Vesse. Whatever! I'm falling in love with my character creations though lol, I don't want them to die.

If my ear gets any worse, I'm blaming it on Dr. Johnson.

Going to head down to Downer tomorrow... hope I get the job!  And I hope I'll be a good group leader.  Just gotta talk loud, coz I'm in charge this time!

Oh, and I perfected my Critical Thinking quiz.  I REALLY thought I'd miss one, because I wrote "a premise" but afterwords I knew it should have been "a premise or more".  WHEW.  Why am I so satisfied with getting a good grade?  I guess it's the same as someone judging me, like getting a "you're cool!".  g'awww thank you! But no thanks, coz even though praise may feel good, I'll only grow with critical disagreement responses, so BRING IT ON!!! But it's done, and I got a perfect score.  Must.  Fight this selfishness of getting a good score, because why should I be happy when there are children in Africa being starved at this very moment... child abuse in a corner in Richmond, depressed children... neglected children... GRAAAH. It sucks because I can do something about this, and hopefully I won't make it worse.

And Professor Ampim said that the best way to prevent a divorce is to not get married lol.  I think at his level, Dr. Dang, Ledbetter, Barnes, OMG so many great professors... they are the ideal teachers to be.  I am glad I am or took their class to experience their godliness.

Excuse my optimism.  I must gradually make my mood transition to elementary school teacher, excited for learning... how I think this optimism acting is best suited for the job.

jrpgs.

rpgs finished:  Final Fantasy, Final Fantasy II, Final Fantasy IV, Final Fantasy VI, Final Fantasy VII, Final Fantasy IX, Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross, Super Mario RPG, Paper Mario, Legend of Mana, Sword of Mana, Golden Sun, Golden Sun The Lost Age, Kingdom Hearts, Kingdom Hearts II, Atelier Iris Eternal Mana, Atelier Iris 2 Azoth of Destiny, Atelier Iris 3 Grand Phantasm, Mana Khemia, Mana Khemia 2, Ar Tonelico, Ar Tonelico 2, Persona 3: FES, Persona 4, Xenosaga Episode 1, Xenosaga Episode 2, Xenosaga Episode 3, La Pucelle, Pokemon Red, Pokemon Silver, Pokemon Crystal, Pokemon Sapphire, Pokemon Diamond, Pokemon Platinum, Pokemon SoulSilver, Pokemon Mystery Dungeon Red Rescue Team.

not completed, but over 50%:  Dragon Quest VIII, Final Fantasy V, Final Fantasy VIII,  Final Fantasy XII, Lufia 2, Grandia, The World Ends With You, Lunar: Dragon Song, Harvest Moon: Back to Nature.

own: Samurai Legend Musashi, Evolution, Evolution 2, Timestalkers, Skies of Arcadia, Grandia 2, Phantom Brave, Okage, Dragon Warrior Monsters Tara's Adventure.

started out, with only a few hours in:  Star Ocean III, Final Fantasy X, Mario & Luigi Superstar Saga.

have access to:  Suikoden III, Suikoden IV, Suikoden Tetris w/e, Grandia III, Grandia Xtreme, Wild Arms II, Wild Arms III, Wild Arms IV, Dark Cloud, Dark Cloud 2, Devil Summoner 2, Final Fantasy X-2, Final Fantasy Tactics, Legend of Dragoon, Brave Fencer Musashi, Disgaea, Chaos Wars, Nightmare of Druaga, Breath of Fire V, Romancing Saga, Unlimited Saga, Dragon Quest, Dragon Quest II, Dragon Quest III, Dragon Quest IV, Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones.

want:  Shadow Hearts, Digital Devil Saga, Xenogears, Parasite Eve.

need to focus. and think about the future.

Obsessed with Lufia 2.

Playing FFX.

Stuck on Adel on FFVIII.  I keep killing Rinoa.

Failed Exotic Ethic.

Had 2 chances, but missed them.  First chance, I didn't recognize her LOL.  Second, I was passed back a paper when she was passing by me and I was embarrassed of my -30 LOL.

Piano is fun.

Oklahoma VS Miami was a disappoint. Wade wasn't even playing and they still lost... but maybe it would be different if the starters played most of the time.  Oh well.  These rookies are unpredictable.

That is all.

another...

unproductive day! LOL

Man Phoenix Suns... they need a big guy.

Boston's line up is crazy.

jaskdl;fj!

I've been looking at other people's blogs.  Those people that are my age.  I am getting so old!

feel like rereading harry potter.

And I feel like writing my own story.  I'll treat it like my child, and that I would add gradually to how I feel and such, except right now it's been lined up as an RPG game with the music and boss battles... and characters that look like advertisements.

EDIT.

Main character's name is Deske.  I thought of the name while I was sitting down in a chair in the library, and a desk happens to be in front of me. So, it's Deske!

He's going to be really cynical.

And he falls in love with this music major.  Forgot her name though.. was it like Leena?  Anyways she really hates the world, and she's a whore.  And then events happen, and they join a party of people of different majors, and that music major girl happens to be part of this opposing organization, as she was a spy all along.  And near the end she is revealed to be God.

Deske:  ILY

Leena:  Why?

Deske: It's a feeling, stupid.  IDK why.

And then we'll shift to... forgot what I named the other guy.  Hmm, how about Boss.

Boss: ILY

Girl he lieks:  Why?

Boss: *lists all things why he loves her*

Girl: *REJECTS*

Yeah, it's the same story as the one a few months ago, just changing stuff up, line up ideas, and then start writing!

I want their names to be something google don't have much results for.

Mystery.  Action.  Romance.