Family Comes First

I've been neglecting to write on this for awhile.

Maybe because I've developed a fear of writing since I'm not doing so well in my English class LOL but meh I deserve what I get because I know where I did wrong:  I'm not re-reading what I write, and I impulsively choose topics that are so difficult for me to write about.  When I write, I pause after each word... then I wait for epiphany, epiphany, and bam, that's what I do.  My writing is just a series of epiphanies.

I'm beginning to doubt my major.  Again.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I'm feeling so behind, and I think I've always been behind since I started high school.  Now I'm going into my fourth year of college.  And I'm STILL lost.  I don't know what I should be doing.  I don't know what I'm meant to be doing.  And I don't know what I feel like doing except that I know I should be doing something.

I'm getting scared of everything.  Scared of growing, scared of getting weak, scared of losing, scared of the future, scared of driving.

My posts are supposed to be evolving into global or social issues... it shouldn't be about me anymore.  I should be past that stage now... but I'm still struggling with this stage.  My identity. I keep thinking of the past and I shudder.  I get a heart jerk.  Or a mind jerk.  I hate it.

Pokemon's not helping me move forward.  But it certainly does help me cope with everything.

Maybe I should just start working.  Though I'll feel even more behind.  Jason, a CNA, when I could have been an RN at this time.

What happened to" everyone dies at the end?" Those words of comfort are not words of comfort.  I could have been making more money.

Is that my conclusion... that life's all about money?  Maybe it's because I've been around my family too long.  My family LOVES money. And Family Comes First.

Reorganization

Starmie- Water/Psychic

Heracross- Bug/Fighting

Cradily- Rock/Grass

Drapion- Dark/Poison

Excadrill- Ground/Steel

And... TEN KAY DREAM POINTS.

CNA

Yesterday I officially became a certified nursing assistant.  I'm going to miss my classmates. Unfortunately the person I helped didn't pass, so I guess it was all for naught.  And I wont' be talking to her again.  She must feel really bad.  I'm so happy for my other friend who passed.  He thought he wouldn't though because he's a slacker and an alcoholic.  Hope he does well.

Now I can concentrate on my real career- studying to be an elementary teacher l0l.

Elementary school sites feel so nostalgic.  So, REFRESHING.  And I miss Reading Partners.  Being a teacher might have a different feel to it since they'll see me everyday. And that the kids will be AGAINST me.  So as a first impression I have to be an ass.  But have a sense of humor.  A humorous ass.  I'll go for it.  The degree.  And after that, I'll do whatever it takes to find a job.  Most jobs require being bilingual. I guess I have to improve my Spanish.  Ironically enough, I dropped Spanish for Teacher Cadet.

I envision myself teaching in a ghetto class, and raising their API score.  I get intimidated by nice looking schools with well-mannered children.  But I guess I'll teach with whatever I get though.  Wherever I can get experience.  And if I can't find a job, I have to get my Master's degree while working as a CNA or a job that is related to teaching.

What is my goal in life.  I guess it is to fight depression.