2012-2016... what did I gain...

Maybe I looked at more comedy stand-ups, and started valuing my own willpower, and how it is only my willpower that can get things done and nothing else..

What else was there... maybe I learned to apologize after fights much faster, though my apologies still feel more wreckless.  Maybe I should wait a day at max to apologize so I can say everything that needs to be said... nah, I think it should be quick and innocent with no excuses, not mattering how choppy the apology should sound.

What else... I was introduced to 48/46 G, Keyakizaka46 is a pretty big thing to me.  There was also Tumblr, watching e-sports, and finding some cool popular streamers with demeaners that hollywood does not value.  Like, it's actually cool to not be over-the-top loud and annoying, and just being calm and cool is sufficient enough to befriend people.

I also started reading actual novels around that time that helped comfort me, and build more empathy and sympathy to the world and society.

Yeah, they were not wasted years.

I think it’s easier for me to understand people who do not say anything rather than people who talk all the time.

Oh cool, there's a name for it and it's actually a thing.  EXISTENTIAL DEPRESSION.

Theworlddoesn'towemeanything
theworddoesn'towemeanything
theworlddoesn'towemeanything

I think this year's fourth of July was the first time ever, in all 4th of Julys that I lived, where I did not go out, or look out my window for any fireworks.  I just did not care.

This is also unrelated, but I think there are two types of people, the people who seek power in some kind of form, and the"anti" power people.  The anti power people reject all kinds of power, end up being a silly and funny kind of person (this includes people with beliefs), but actually, deep inside, desire power.  But they just deny this desire.