Things I noticed when revisiting Xenosaga...

• KOS-MOS should be able to fully empathize with people because she is able to recreate one's past.  (Shion and Jr.'s past was recreated when they dove into KOS-MOS via encephalon drive).
• Also, when Sakura is affected by the U.M.N network, could be an allusion to this world and cancer.  
• Shion's "live every day" thing during their confrontation to Wilhelm reminded me of Heidegger's philosophy, where life is about living in the moment.
• At the end, Jin finds peace but strangely started to desire a chaotic life once again.  This reminded me of Dostoevsky's Notes from the Underground, where we sometimes find it pleasant to smash things. 
• Most people see synthetic human beings in Xenosaga's universe as other human beings. When I first played the game, I thought Juli Mizrahi was uncomfortable with MOMO because MOMO was a Realian.  It turns out, she's just uncomfortable because MOMO looks like her first daughter.  
• The Upper Domain needs the Lower Domain, and the Lower Domain needs the Upperdomain,  just like Martin Buber's theology, "God needs us, and we need God, which is our reason for living."
• Wilhelm is like a Philosopher King, but with the end point.  Philosopher Kings vacilate forever.  Wilhelm thinks forever too, and comes to the end point, which is to reset the Eternal Recurrence.  

There should be more, but I don't remember everything that I think of.

Ah, I almost forgot...

Knights of Faith do not get depressed.

Depression is a deadly sin!!  (It was combined with Sloth later on for some reason).

But then again, I don't know how the Deadly Sins are associated with Christianity.

Nietzsche's Fear

IIRC I read something by a Nietzsche expert, who studied him for more than 40 years, said that Nietzsche feared people will eventually think morality is a means to be controlled.  Because of herd mentality, people may evolve to think and recognize that they are being controlled by the upper class, and morality is one of those means to control them... and this will be the death of morality.

But!  Since amygdalas are associated with altruism, and altruism should be the basis of morality, I think as long as we have big-ass amygdalas, the human race will be okay and nice to each other.  We have to genetically enlarge everyone's amygdala.

A recovering ex-Christian.
Zohar and the Frozen Flame.
It rained all night last night.  I fell asleep early and missed it.

I've been thinking how important discussions are.

I read Of Mice and Men back when I was 12, by myself, during SSR period in middle school.  I think, usually people read Of Mice and Men as a class, with study guides and tests on it.  But I read it alone, and by myself.

The words were not that difficult to read, and the story is linear.  The ending was a suprise for me though.  To sum up the story from how I remembered it goes like this; the main character and his autistic friend were buddies, and always together.  Eventually they start working and live in this new area.  The main guy befriends new people at this new place.  The autistic guy gets in trouble for killing this woman, who is important to that new place.  The main character shoots and kills his buddy, the autistic guy, because, in my mind, I thought both of them would be in trouble.

Back then, I thought, wow, betraying your friend like that?  So that's how life works...

So like... 10+ years later, I read the SparkNotes, and it says that the main character kills the autistic guy for a more peaceful death, because he would have been lynched anyway.  Wow, and all this time I thought Mice of Men is renown for it's ending, that it's okay to kill your buddy.  I never considered kiling anyone though, I just thought that that's what Of Mice of Men is about.

Do I really have to feed my ego like everyone else?  Why can't I just do nothing, why does the collective conscious award and congratulate those that accomplish meaningless things?

I wonder why people like explanations of things, and how teachers prefer explanations rather than aphorisms.  I think people think more of aphorisms rather than things that are explained.  If it's explained, people just go... "oh, okay. (THE END)"

I hate people's opinions so much... why does everyone have to think of everything!!!

And they just come out, spontaneously! Very sickening.  Recluse recluse recluse recluse.

Lately, I've been thinking that "good" people are only good because it satisfies their ego, and ultimately, fondles their will to power.  And this satisfaction, is the primary reason to be, or act, good.

But now, I think it's just something natural.  Some people do good things, and some people don't.  Some people just help those who are in need of help, and it's just like that.  Yep.  You can say all you want about them, but they just do what they do.

Altruism.  Amygdala.  Altruism.  Amygdala.  Altruism.  Large amygdala... large altruism...

The desire to help people is genetic.  Just like everything else.  Of course, I have no basis or research to back things up, it's just thoughts.

Now I'm wondering... is the size of the amygdala collectively in the human species getting smaller or bigger?

I think everyone's depressed.  Literally, everyone in the whole world.

And there are those who are just more depressed than others.

And all these people who are depressed, like everyone, because everyone is depressed, think that they are not supposd to be depressed.  They think that they're not supposed to be depressed. 

So what do these people do?  They blame their depression on external factors.  Like, how everything is by chance, blaming DNA, and... for those who don't know much about Biology, blame something else, blame something prominent in the media, blame something that they see everyday... government.

Yes, government.  These people, these depressed people want "change."  But it's impossible. It's impossible to clense sadness away. Depression is innate.  They think they can be happy if Trump becomes president.  But it's not like that.  But they are going to vote for him.

Ugh!!! These "Let's Make America Great Again" people piss me off Lol, oh god, trying not going on Twitter or Facebook because that's all you hear in whatever is trending... wish I could block Trending Topics.

Ahhhh this cute Indian-looking girl in my class... who's four years younger than me, and a left hander, guessed that I was 19.  I wanted to ask her out, but it's too weird for me, because I'm so behind in capitalism life, which would lead to me being insecure.  It's cute how she just randomly talks to people around her, and when she talks it's like she's always thinking.  A very contemplating speaker, and observant, who doesn't sound flirty.  And she braids her hair into a tail, and it hangs over her front shoulder.  Very stylish. I don't even know if she's Indian, her skin is darkish though, but she could be one of those dark Filipinas... Nah, I doubt it, she has to be Indian.

I keep staring at her in lab, because she sits on the same lab bench as me, but there's another person in between us, but I'm closer to the back, and she's closer to the front, so when the teacher is lecturing, I can see her, and I always look at her and her glasses, because her side profile makes her look kinda old, so I was thinking she was like a thirty year old Lol.

Anyways, I was stressing out on Final Fantasy Record Keeper, because the event for the Memory Crystal III ends in two days, and I didn't think I could make it.  I tried an all FFVII team with full relm synergy equipment and my team was obliterated.  But today!!!  I composed a cheese team with all healers and super soul breaks, and I cheesed to victory.

Minwu has learned: Will of the White Mage
Cloud has maxed out: Blade Beam
Penelo had maxed out: Intercession
And my trump card, Garnet: Dagger of Resolve and Divine Guardian, maxed.

Tyro didn't max Sentinel's Grimoire but I brought him in anyway for Full Break. I also brought along a Tyro with Sentinel's Grimoire as a Roaming Warrior.  Look at my twitter for my builds.  I also didn't max any of the abilities except for Curaga probably.  Cloud was regular Attacking most of the time since I ran out of ability uses.

KITAAAAAAAA!!!

Iriyama Anna, was following zero people on Instagram.  Until today.

She's following one person.  One person only.  And it's Kizaki Yuria.  YuriAnnin, next big major pair now that YuiParu is breaking down to Yui and Paruru.

"Trump says 'just words, folks.' It's his accusation and his defence. Words don't matter. Facts don't matter. If they don't, we're all lost."

That was JK Rowling's response to Trump and his celebrity-pussy-grabbing "locker room" talk. 

Maybe that's why I'm lost.  I don't believe in words.

I watched this talk about altruism, and why more people are altruistic than others...

And then it showed that less altruistic people have a smaller amygdala than those who are not altruistic...

This reminded me of this show I watched, where it showed that people in the 70s were making babies by combining high IQ people's sperm with egg, so that the child will have a higher advantage in this modern society, and they interviewed the babies who are now adults (and the adults are geniuses, the experiement worked).

Then I thought about how scientists would enlarge baby's amygdalas to have a happy cooperative utopia world...

I was also wondering... if the egotistical person, which is the opposite of the altruistic person have a shorter amygdala.  But that talk that I watched showed that psychopaths have a shorter amygdala.  I don't think people with high egos are psychopaths.  I wonder what the relationship between the amygdala and the ego is.  Or how about, what the association between the ego and being altruistic is.

Idk.  Amygdalas. Neocortexes.  Ego.  Shit.

Kinda disappointed with the Janken results... but I like how my oshi passed the first round.

No one even made a Gif set of her or posted any pictures of her on her Tumblr tag, so that makes me even sadder.

Fucking Slave Morality

It's so annoying!

In my lab practical, skills test, I was putting away the tubes, right?  Because I was done.  I created my streak plate and finished my Gram stain.  The tubes were in the front of the class room, and I was going to store the tubes that I used (E. Coli broths and slants) in the front rack, because that was where I obtained them. And then the instructor stopped me, and told me that they belong in the biohazard corner because they were contaminated.

I obeyed her, and just stored it back at the biohazard corner.

Why do I obey "people of authority" automatically?  Why do I obey first, and think later?  Do I not want to cause trouble?  Yes, I don't want to cause trouble.  But it wouln't hurt what I'm thinking in my head... which was: my aseptic technique was perfect BITCH.

This instructor, thinking she knows everything... which she does.  But still, people of authority are so annoying, it pisses me off. The aftertaste pisses me off.

But it does make sense though, because the next class after me would have used the tubes in the front, and what if I did contaminate it?

I think, what annoyed me most, was how she said "it's contaminated."  Like, she really thinks I contaminated them because of bad aseptic technique.  Fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you. But then again, it's possible that I did contaminated it.

I thought all these convoluted JRPG storylines were original...

I feel that, it turns out, they were all emulating the complicated plot of Neon Genesis Evangelion, capitalizing on an audience's desire for more confusing stories in the mid 90's...

So it was all about making money.

The ideas were fantastic.  But the motive is a letdown.

But so what, right?

Everything is inspired by something, it's impossible for something to be completely original. Unless... these creaters just threw in random philosophical jargon without clear connections, random plotwists, making me believe that it's something great, but really isn't, then I would just feel deceived. Would I like it if it wasn't like this?... maybe not actually.  And if I didn't like it, I would get better grades in school.

Then again.. I would never have known about Nietzsche if it wasn't for Xenosaga. And Nietzsche existed a century before the 90s.

Humans Don't Belong in Nature- Rant

You know how humans are so different than any other species?  Like, we "get tired", we have to build houses, we travel in cars.  You don't see any other animal on earth just stop to get rest.  Other animals are always alert, always running from predators, or always looking on organisms to prey on.  Also, we humans get hurt my temperature.  If it's too cold, we have to wear some external device, like a jacket, and we have to make fire.  You don't see any other animals manipulate external devices to adjust temperature.  At least, I don't.  We need air conditioning, and heaters.  No other animal does this.  So humans are like ALIENS.  We are so different...we don't NATURALLY belong in this planet.  We build SEPARATE communities AWAY from NATURE.   Why is this?  It's because we're NOT FROM HERE.  And you know what caused this??!?!?!?

THE METEORITES FROM OUTTA SPACE THAT KILLED THE DINOSAURS OUT.

THE METEORITES CONTAINED... a bacteria, that infected humans, specifically targetting the neo-cortex. And then a mutation occured in our ape ancestors...  resulting in this mess.  So we're all a big messy mutated mess who don't really belong in this planet.

AND THESE METEORS were brought to us by... OUR ALIEN ANCESTORS.

AND THAT'S WHY we have this innate function... to be excited about space exploration.  Why do we want to know things?  Why do we want to travel to space?  It's BECAUSE WE WANT TO GO HOME, BACK TO OUR ALIEN FAMILY IN OUTTER SPACE.  (Okay this last section is pushing it...)

Yeah I've been thinking of Chrono Trigger and Chrono Cross way too much...

Ah... I can put it in words now!

My desire to stay home defeats all other motivations.

Yep.

I feel like I have to replay Chrono Cross... just because the story is unessesarily convoluted.  Here are some points I am confused about, or some other questions that I have:

-The Dragon God.  So it's advanced Dragonian technology, consumed by Lavos.  What I don't understand is, how is a physical avatar form so impactful.  I don't understand.
-The Counter-balance thing.  So Terra Tower was pulled in to counter-balance the appearance of Chronopolis.  Is this thing for everything?  So if Crono, Lucca, Marle and gang went back in time, what would be sent along with them?  Shouldn't something have been sent too, to counter-balance them during the events in Chrono Trigger?

Meh there's more but whatever, my arm hurts. Can't type.