I'm in southern California. The first thing I thought of was checking her Tumblr.  And so I did.  Here's some new info I've gathered:

Apparently her laptop broke and she got a new one... (..perhaps along with all our memories from Skype History...)  This is huge news, because it means she doesn't check our talks of the past, often, as what I do... huge blow to my heart.

Church

I missed church yesterday.

In fact, I haven't been going to church for the past... months.  My parents started not going either, but they went yesterday.   On Saturday night, they even told me to sleep early so that I can go with them.   But I didn't.

When they came home they told me to make the sacrifice to go to church because in the future there might not be church anymore.  This was their reason this time.   In the past, when I slept in, they would say that I have to visit the lord, and give thanks or whatever.  But this time was different.  There might not be church anymore.

My parents are finally out in the open that they're losing faith... maybe they just wanted me to grow up with morals, and now that I think I'm grown, or they think I'm old enough, they can be honest about these sort of things.

Ugly Rant

You know what's ugly?  Seeing a friend curse online, and you know she doesn't curse that much offline... it just looks so awkard.. and that's why it's ugly.  It's ugly because it's awkward.  You know you don't want to curse!

What's worse is that when I'm talking online, I don't curse.. can't you see that if other people don't curse it means you shouldn't either?

It's ugly because it's not even funny... it's not like... "AHAHAHA nigguh bitch nigguh!"  I'm okay with that cursing.  That cursing is the funny kind.

But when you start complaing, eg "shit", "damnit -.-" or something like that... it just looks so awkward and makes me feel uncomfortable... it's... so ugly.

"Don't attach yourself to people.  They run away.  Attach yourself to a passion."

I have one more week...

Either one more week, or two more months...

Life is Too Long

I think because life is too long, we feel that we have so much time to "make the most out of it", or at least, think about making the most out of it.

If life was short, we'd be content with how it is already...  because there's not much that everyone can actually do in that short amount of time...

?!?!!

It's still too early.  Going back to bed.

How to Feel Better When You're At Home

-Imagine yourself away from home.  Really imagine it.  This should make you wish you were at home, and so by being actually at home, you'll feel better that you are home.

I probably just imagined myself doing my best and giving it all...

but most likely, I did not.  It was all in my mind, in actuality meaning nothing at all.

I don't know if I should work towards being happy or more sad...

If I"m happy, she might see that I'm doing fine without her, thus she'll feel bad because I don't need her anymore since I can be happy without her...

If I'm sad, she might not want to talk to a sad loser, and I'll have no chance at all, and it'll show that I'm so incompetent...

This sucks!  I guess I can show both... like... HI, I'm SO SAD ^___^.
Ugh!

Ugh I want this day to be over already...

Being dedicated in waiting for something that will never come hurts a lot too.

Having memories of something that other people were supposed to remember but do not remember kind of hurts too.

Hope I fall asleep and never wake up.

And I hope I have another heart warming dream tonight.