So I am a bit happy right now.  But being happy means that the next wave of sadness will hurt me hard.  Defense mode.

Damn, I can still feel the burn on my left cheek from the flourescent light, attempting to take a perfect selfie two days ago :(

Spent like 40 minutes and could not even get a single good picture or pose.  I gave up when my eyes started hurting.

Welp, have to go back to society sooner or later even though I am not fully healed.  (Maybe society will heal me. )

After each chapter, an Encyclopedia of Human Nature from the far future intervenes, and alternates after each chapter.  Each encyclopedia describes the interaction between the human and the it.

I think I live for the moment of always wanting to go home, and then finally arriving home. 

The Australians left yesterday.  They did not have an Australian accent though.  I guess only certain parts of Australia have accents.  Or maybe I just did not talk to them much to notice.

You know how in the bus it is common courtesy to let the person sitting in front of you to go first to exit the bus before yourself?

Well, this one girl did not let me leave first. She was behind me, but I felt her presence standing up while the bus was still in motion and ran to the door to exit first when the bus came to a halt.  I guess she was late to class.

But I started laughing when I exited the bus.  I must have looked really dumb, but in my head that "you didn't have to cut me off" song started playing.

Knowing that I have friends bring an enormous amount of confidence in me.  I feel like I can act myself around other people even when my friends are not near me.

But when the friendship is broken, or when the feelings are fading, my confidence shatters...

I feel so naturally flirty when I am out there, and I can only act this way when I know I have a friend out there waiting to talk to me everyday.  It is so easy to communicate with other people knowing you have a stable friendship.  But it is broken.  It has been broken for a year.

When I'm not working on a friendship, or when I just do not have a solid friendship thing, I get anxious around everyone... this is why I have to maintain and do everything I can to save or keep a friendship.  Not for the friendship itself but for my own confidence.  This is selfish, but it really is the truth.  Or maybe it is just how I feel.

I have been also thinking about the truth and feelings.  When things end up the way I do not want it to or when I feel that I should be feeling something else rather than what I want I am feeling, is that when I am supposed to lie?

This morning, this lady in front of me in the bus kept looking at her mirror and doing make-up... I wanted to just pop my head over and mirror bomb her and say heyyy but I think the mirror was too small anyways.

What do you say when a person sniffs the same time as you?  You know, the morning sniffs like you have a cold.  The natural stuffy nose in the morning.  Well, someone sniffed the same time as me this morning.

I wanted to say, HEY! We sniffed at the same time!

What if she saw that as flirting.   Maybe her experience has taught her, not everyone that talks to you is flirting.  I just wanted to say that we sniffed at the same time.  It was amazing.  That does not happen often, and it should be pointed out.  Just like today is 1/7/14 (1/7 is semi-special to me, because 17 is her favorite number).  Or like when it is Pi day, 3/14.

But what if she did not hear me sniff? I did catch a glimpse of her posture and hair.  She is about 60 years old or more.  The liklihood of her having hearing problems are higher.  But compared to mine, it should be about the same.  Wearing headphones half the day for almost six years should have taken a toll on my hearing.

Alas, I did not say anything, nor did she say anything.

Anyways, THE AUSTRALIANS ARE ON THEIR WAY.  I probably will not meet them though, I have school and stuff.

Words are good.  They give thoughts form.  Thoughts are too complicated.  Words help out a little.  I guess words are okay afterall.  But there has to be a better alternative... if the world reshaped again there has to be a better form of thought expression

THE AUSTRALIANS ARE COMING

This is also my New Years post.  Cheers! ... *gulps down empty cup*