NBA 2011 playoffs

I think...

WESTERN DIVISION

1st seed- LA Lakers

2nd- San Antonio Spurs

3rd- Dallas Mavericks

4th- OKC Thunder

5th- Utah Jazz

6th- Denver Nuggets

7th- Houston Rockets

8th- New Orleans Hornets

EASTERN DIVISION

1st- Boston Celtics

2nd- Chicago Bulls

3rd- Miami Heat

4th- Orlando Magic

5th- Atlanta Hawks

6th- Indiana Pacers

7th- Milwaukee Bucks

8th- New York Knicks

knew what was coming...

but still felt it anyway.  Harry keeping Dumbledore's word even tho he's dead... so touching!

And the whole Merope story and all, Merope sounds so attractive IMO lol. If there was a picture of Merope, I have dibbs on that she looks like MIR from Ar Tonelico (the first one).

It felt so gloomy though- the whole story, and I heard To Zanarkand play in my head reading through (I did to the other books as well) because I know who dies in the end.  Its like viewing an old home video. With sad piano songs playing in my head. It felt so black and white.

Wish it showed some kind of unrequited love of Voldemort, or some kind of love for Voldemort.  But that would make it too much like a movie I guess, maybe so many stories of something like that are out there already.  Oh wells. kajs;ldfj! gonna start 7.

Anyways, bookstores and libraries can save money by not using "Romance" name tags.  Just put them under "Fiction"!

half blood prince...

recording stuff ^^

-Obsessive love.  Yup, I concur with Professor Slughorn, it's very powerful so far. Maybe that's what you call true love.  When both people are obsessive about it, it can last forever lol

-"it was like having friends"- Luna Lovegood.  I think I talk like her lol, saying stuff like "I miss the DA, it was like having friends."  Except, I miss JSA, it was like having friends. I miss all of high school actually.  The only thing coming close now is Reading Partners and walking this one friend IF she comes to class but she usually oversleeps.

jdkfajsdj harry pottter

indifference hurts more than dislike?!?!?! aksdjfjslfjharrypottr!

reading what was cut... omfg, they cut out the most vivid scenes in the book that I imagined from the movie. WTF, I wanted to see my imagination come to life, not some made up shortened shit. WTF.

things I learned:

Mind reading.  Yup, you can't read it, even if you can read it.  The mind is much more complex.  So, I'll never use that term, "MIND READING" ever again!  Or maybe I took the "reading" part of "mind reading" too literally lol

Occlumency.  Clearing out my mind might be good.

And something real... Fred and George doing good in business, + not learning much in school.  It's true, good business ppl don't learn how to be a good business man in school.

What else what else, there was much more but I forgot.  Definitely going to remember McGonnagall she is so friggin awesome. I think I was like Luna Lovegood in school... except I didn't go up to ppl and talk lol kJDS:LFJS Half Blood Prince time WTF.

and I read the Giving Tree for the second time, thought of something funny when the boy was with his GF or w/e behind the tree.  So, it's a love triangle in the book, the Giving Tree.  The tree loves the boy, the girl loves the tree, the boy loves the girl but has been neglecting the tree.   All three characters were lying down behind the tree.  AND, so the funny thingie I thought of is that they're having a TREEsome. lololol. funnier if I can find a pic and post it.

dat decision.

So I don't think being a teacher is a bad first choice, I mean I can always change careers if I don't like it, and I feel that I'm more closer to being a teacher than ever, so why don't I go for it? lol GEEZ I'm making things harder for myself and everyone else.

Reading Order of the Penix.  OMFG so funny how Cho Chang walked into Harry with losers.  And I'm hating Umbridge too, JK Rowling is too good. Such a good book so far, I can't believe how much stuff I just passed while reading this six years ago... did I really truly enjoy it back then?

Waiting for Chicago's game... boo Lakers!

Wish I didn't judge people, but it can't be helped I guess.  I could never feel good without comparing myself to others in some ways, so it's such an awkward perspective to look at me from, my judgments are feelings and it's intertwined with how I bring myself up, and WTF I'm feeling so contradictory right now, time to just laugh it off... bleh whatever!

Random thought: Is life so much more exciting when ur emotional?

last minute homework. literally.

I'm so happy that I finished my homework!

But this is my last time to finish it like this.  Every. Single.  Day.  I calculate how long it will take me to finish my homework.  I calculated... about 10-20 minutes.  I woke up extra early to finish early just in case I miscalculated.  It is due at 9:00.  I wake up at 5:00.  I procrastinate until 8:40, so I have exactly 20 minutes to finish it.  Procrastinating in between, browsing Soompi, wordpresss, Xanga, finding out how she's doing, etc.  So, I never have the chance to show my full potential on my assignments!  It'll end now, I'm going to start as soon as I get home, right after the Boston Celtic's game.

So I can have more time to do the things I want to do, and not feel bad about it knowing that I still have homework.

This problem should have been solved years ago.

And but at least I get that end spark to finish it. But it's not enough, I still feel that I could do better lol

Class in 10 minutes.

finished Goblet of Fire~

Things to remember:

-Hagrid's uplifting.  From sulking, to doing what he wants.

-Dumbledore's truth telling, treating students equal to adults.

... such a good book.  So excited to start Order of the Phoenix again, but I have homework lol.

I'm wondering... if this Ogg was gamekeeper while Mrs. Weasley was in Hogwarts, how old would she be? Is Hagrid over 60?  I'm confused or lost... Hagrid wasn't gamekeeper when she was in Hogwarts?  How old is she... anyways.

Random words from the book (possibly) echo out of my head even though I'm not reading.  This happened when I stood up, when I walked down the stairs, when my mom was talking to me, and when I sliced a piece of browie onto my saucer.  I wonder if this happens to anyone else?  This isn't the only time it happened to me, but it happened to me after I finished Harry Potter Book 7 2 years ago... it happens even when I'm taking a break from the process of reading it.

EDIT:  looked at pictures of the movie.  WTF VICTOR KRUM IS BALLED?  Or buzzed cut w/e you call it.. lol, always pictured him of a younger looking Ludo Bagman, with shaggy hair like Sirius's.

hobby updates.

Finished Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on Thursday.  People who die still exist in our hearts.  It's just like Professor Layton and the Eternal Diva.  This also made me think of what my Patronus would be, after seeing Harry think of his deceased father James, and his relations to the stag form emitting from the wand from the EXPECTO PATRONUM... I'm thinking mine would be some kind of Pokemon lol.

JK Rowling's creation of the dementors must have really affected her life, the depression and that melancholic eternal feeling seeping out of nowhere, not knowing where it's coming from... is like what really happens to depressed people. Sucking out all happiness and positivity.  Thinking of the worse times to EVER happen in life.   Scary.  I guess the only thing worse than the worse thing to happen in a person's life is a feeling worse than that feeling. And even trying to think of happy thoughts won't help unless something happens, a spontaneous heart spasm. I don't like what the movie did to my version of Lupin though.   Back when I read this book in 1999... or was it 2000... anyways, I pictured him looking a bit like Sirius Black (the book Sirius Black) with shaggy hair, but more of like a doctor, with glasses and a headlight.

Started Goblet of Fire on Thursday as well.  I won that book 10 years ago in a Scholastic sweepstakes lol.  I was 1 of 5000 people who received the book by mail the day before it came out!

I haven't been playing any RPGs.  Only game I have been playing is ITG, and DDR Extreme.  I keep passing A with an above E record, except I can't beat my E record.  It's very frustrating because I don't like seeing that E in the song selection menu.  My Bs and Cs can't top that E.  Sigh, but I will keep trying!  I finally passed 9 footer Touch Me on ITG with a  50% though. I feel like playing Chrono Cross again. I forgot all of which characters I have left to recruit.  I know I have to get Mel, and take the Pierre path though because I need Pierre. But for some odd reason I feel that I'm missing a few other characters.  Might be Razzly.  Wish I didn't save over my file.  Oh well. Maybe I pulsed it on Xanga.

Oklahoma beat Boston without KD in Boston.  I found myself cheering for Boston throughout the game.  I guess Boston is really my favorite team.  I watch all their games even if they're playing a low standing team.

mm I smell a peculiar blend emitting from downstairs.  Coffee?  And it smells good. Oh it's oatmeal... must make sure. EDIT:  IT IS COFFEE!! an expensive brand, 8'oclock coffee... + French Vanilla omg!  It's from my uncle Ralph... miss him.

that love.

As I was pacing twenty steps from the family room back to the formal living room as another form of my procrastination routines, I reflect back on my lessons with the two students I have been teaching.

I think I'm doing fairly well, as it was my fourth time, except that I need to think of strategies to get the students concentrated.  Maybe I need to help myself be focused on concentration before I tell other people to.  I'm too into being liked by my students, and so I get distracted as well.  Student number 1 was playing with a set of rubber bands and I have left my post and starting showing him how to form Batmobiles.  In addition to that, these rubber bands were shaped as animals, and along with him, we deciphered which animal the rubber bands were shaped as.  In the end, he gave me an elephant.

Anyways, it's not my teaching ways and distractions that I have been pondering in my pacing, but it was about the book we read.  The Giving Tree. My student had a paper to do, and a questioned ask was along the lines of what the author's message is, and another one is, what have you learned from it?  We both worked and came to the conclusion that love lasts forever. My heart drenched like the porcupine-like-monster being crushed in Donkey Kong Country 2's Castle Crush stage.  Not because of how big his handwriting was (bigger than the space provided, so when he thought he finished writing all he wanted to say, the little space left had to be written extremely smaller) I knew very well that the love I know of doesn't last forever.

I think back to my cousin.  He was dating three women at the time, one to be his future wife, and currently is.  While riding with him, we somehow landed in a conversation of this cloth figurine, about as big as a Harry Potter book, very soft and fine crafted.

It was a figure of a character he liked from a show. I remember that he has had this for awhile, and years back he would talk about how his friend made this for him, and how they're trying to get celebrities to wear it to popularize this fine piece of craft for a good business.  I don't know what these cloth figurines are called, but it sits in my cousin's car, even now, dangling on the rear view mirror.  Its been 4 years since I know he was in contact with the creator of it, and it might have been even longer.

They were close.  They slept together.  But they weren't in a relationship.  They were dating, and he was dating with a few others as well.  Dating is just getting to know someone. As we kept talking we somehow landed in how he met his wife.  He was seeing two other women, and one of the other woman happened to be the threader of his cloth figurine.  He said that it was easy to drift apart from the women he was dating, except, this one.  I remember him saying "the one who made (touches cloth figurine) this." "She had genuine feelings for me, so it was hard for her."  Or, something along the lines of that.  I held back my tears.  I had just felt that feeling of hope, that the love I thought did last forever, but the reality hit, and it doesn't.  I have just went to a similar rejection that I'll never forget, May 8, 2010.

That finely crafted doll swaying side to side hung up around his rear view mirror was created out of her love.  He didn't have feelings for her.  She was rejected.  Maybe she did love him so much.  He didn't reciprocate.

I don't know how long it has been since she was rejected, but hearing that right before his wedding (I was riding with him to his wedding rehearsal) led me tighter into my dark corner.  He wasn't marrying her.  He wasn't marrying the one who sew that doll for him, but another women he met later on who he felt a sense of seriousness towards.

I don't know what I'm getting at anymore, but just felt like adding this to my blog chronicle.

***

Another thought that crossed, was my first experience of thinking suicidal.  It goes back to fourth grade, the grade my students are in.  My mind slowly matures, so I'm pretty sure these students are way ahead of the mentality I had when I was in fourth grade.  Back then, I would think that there were different levels in thinking and acting, and the best ones would think exactly alike, and the poor brain holders thinking the same as  how the best thinkers thought of like before they became the best thinkers. But its not like that, it's all about experiences I assume.

It was in Ms. Cook's class.  SSR has started, all the students were scrambling to the sink, walking around, but I knew very well that I had to pick up a book.  I was the only one reading.  My teacher was caught up in a frenzy.  She was giving the class a lecture.  I felt good, because I was the only one doing what I was supposed to do, though she did not point that out to the rest of my classmates.  I was reading and reading, and she was lecturing and lecturing, and after about 5 minutes in the students started their SSR.  I was done with my book.  I raised my hand to get another book, and my teacher, in a serious tone, said no.  I was supposed to get a book in the beginning of SSR.  She was in a bad mood.  And right after she said that, I teared up.  I cried.  I thought of suicide.  I thought about what would they all think and say if I was dead?  I started to cry myself, thinking of myself dead, and thinking what my parents and my teacher would think of if I was dead.  Every time I was scolded, even for little things, I would cry. And just for not being able to stand up from my seat and walk up to the bookshelf to grab a book, I cried.

About five minutes into my tearing up phase, the teacher apologized.  My memory is fuzzy after the apology.  But I'll always have that memory as my first thought of suicide.

***

Okay, I really have to focus on my essay now.  I have a couple of writing papers actually, and I plan on not sleeping tonight... hopefully I'll have the time to do them all.  I want dark circles in my eyes, because I think they're cool to have.  And I can flaunt to my neighbor that I haven't slept for 28 hours (she always says that she oversleeps and says that she has so much work to do that she can't come to class because she overslept, so I'll flaunt my 28 hours of strained eyes to her in class tomorrow)

PS I think I gained a pound, too much pizza today.  NOH lost, wish they got 9 wins first and then lose so the standings would show that they have more wins than the Lakers.  okay, back to pacing.

reread chamber of secrets!

I'm getting into the HP series again, after not reading them for over five years  I have just finished the Chamber of Secrets.   Flashback to when I was in 4th grade.  I just read it.  I wanted to read, and finish it.  Fast.

In seventh grade, I read it again, and understood it for the story and everything and couldn't put it down.  And now, six years later, I hung on to every word, I'm seeing how fine crafted the sentences are structured and the humor, and I'm lovin it more than ever.

...and I just realized that in the back of the book jacket, that girl is GINNY, and not Hermione.  How did I always think that it was Hermione?!?!

Even though I knew what was going to happen, I still felt a jolt when I read Harry and Ron eavesdropping and hearing Prof McGonnagall say it was Ginny that was taken to the Chamber.  And I nearly cried after reading what Tom Riddle said about what Ginny was going through, with her crush on Harry.  She was so quiet!  And listening, er reading, to Dumbledore's advice, about how it's our choices that determines something something and not our abilities; I'm truly taking this in as a piece of painting in this art museum mind, because I know it'll be useful for me in life (even though I know life is all about decisions from my cousin's advice already, this confirms it further).

I'm excited to read Azkaban next!

***

<3 Denver and Phoenix for beating Lakers pwAhahehehahOahAH.  And Manny Pacman (lol not sure of Pack-E-Yow's spelling) won yesterday.  Good fight, was thinking that he might lose coz the Messican was so tall with long arms.

Reading Partners tomorrow.  I'm reading Maniac Magee again lol brings back good memories.

fail and eavesdropping on CPG.

I don't know her yet.  I didn't say hi yet.  I think she thinks that me and my friend have a relationship (since I'm always talking to her and walking with her or whatever) or that I'm not interested in being her friend because I didn't say anything to her a couple of times.

So, she leaves early, and it'll look weird if I leave the same time as her.  SIGH. She walks too fast. I walk fast normally too but will it look awkward if I walk fast trying to chase her?  Unfortunately I walk slow after this class because I have no other class right after this class.

Anyways, this is what I've gathered that makes her even more attractive LOL

-She dropped her headphones, without saying anything.  She didn't let out a "SHIT" or "FUCK" or "damnit!"  Or "oops!" She didn't say anything.  She just picked it up.  So mature *___*.  and cute.  But it could also be the elderly environment, nulling her ability to let out those words of utter surprise.

-She said "thanks."  And when  she was absent, and asked the guy next to her for the assignment that day she was absent, and she responded with a "thank you so much."  OMG good manners. I love that "SO MUCH" part.  pwaehehHAHehheOhohHEaha!

-She could laugh and her laugh is cute. Like, I saw her smile when I found that thing for her, it was quick and WTF CUTE.

-Her voice isn't that annoying cute voice. She doesn't sound like she's trying to be cute.  But it makes her cute when she doesn't try to sound cute, even though I think she doesn't try to sound cute.

-She works hard, to the point where I overheard her say that she's stressed, and overwhelmed.  OMG hard worker. But what if she's overwhelmed and stressed because (she has a boyfriend!  or kids!)... well it shouldn't matter, because I just want to be friends.  Yup. Just friends. This isn't love.  A mere infatuation with potential.  How many times have I became just friends with girls I just liked?  After getting to know someone, the infatuation USUALLY fades... BUT I have to remember not to force this infatuation because of her good characteristics! I must feel... eh, whatever lol

-And she dresses nice and wutnot.  Like, nice as in neutral colors, and color coordination.  Nothing expensive.  And has nice hair, and no make up OMGggG.  AND she's Asian (Korean?) Can't let this pass. NO MAKE UP.  That saves a lot of money for our future kids' college fund. Or donations to Haiti.

Hmm she doesn't sound like she's from California though.  Her accent is very whitewashed.  But that's even more attractive! Asian Asians are expensive I think.

But I shouldn't get my hopes too high, coz then again, this is only her outward appearance.  She might be like me LOL, quiet, but crazy at home and in the internet.  But either way... her presentation is mighty sexy.

And now that I'm thinking about it... she sounds like what people have described me O_O

Okay, back to work, otherwise I'll be poised as unreliable. Unhusband worthy.  Unboyfriend worthy.  Unlikeable worthy.  James Worthy. Okay, now all in seriousness, I must do my work (only problem with James Worthy is EWW LAKERS).

EDIT: I AM. PATHETIC!!!!! I was looking through my entries and I started planning the "hi" out since September 28.  WTF.  WHY CAN'T I SAY HI OR EVEN APPROACH HER.  LOL I AM PATHETIC. reject me plzzz

HELL YEAH- a different kind of happiness?!?!

Kid didn't want to leave RP (Reading Partners).  SCORE!

And I finally read The Giving Tree. I bet I would love that story if I was still in that game. (I'll make that a link later to one of an earlier posts when I was in "love")

class in a few minutes.

HAH kid didn't want to go to RP at first, then after experiencing the presence of the ultimate tutor (THAT'S ME), he didn't want to leave.  Kid #1 seems like he's getting bored tho.

by the end of this, these kids will be reading Shakespeare.

EDIT:  (NOVEMBER 9) Both kids love RP, YESSSS.  I guess I'm doing my job right.   And my supervisor said "Jason, you're awesome!" after my last tutor session that day.  I responded with "oh thanks."  I felt so good lol.  It was the way she approached me about it.  I was just finished with my session, and my student stood up, I was still sitting, and then she sat down right in front of me like a business deal thing, or like I was in trouble.   I feel like I'm doing something right.  I felt love with no attraction.  That heart spasm, for myself.  I am no longer going to say "I love pizza."  "I love this house."  Love is this feeling.  That heart spasm, I believe.  So, I'm going to say I love tutoring.

I was so happy that my students didn't want to leave either lol, they were having fun reading!  And I was in charge! YEAY.  I guess I'm a natural?!?!  How much more if I become a father some day.  pwaaHAHAHAaHa, I am so awesome.

Shouldn't let it go over my head though, because the next thing right after excitement is disappointment.  So, I  must keep a close eye out on my surroundings and myself so I won't feel too good.  I need to expect myself to be disappointed.   At least thinking that I will be disappointed will lessen the overwhelming version of disappointment.

KG KG KG!

After Boston's game against Detroit,  CV of Detroit Tweeted, broadcasting to the entire world, that KG called him a cancer patient.  KG responded to reporters that he called him "cancerous to his team", and after more badgering from the media, he grew tired of the attention and ultimately said "he's a nobody.  I don't pay attention to nobodies."  lmao.  geez. CV is a pest.  KG is an inspiration.  If I was a superstar I would probably be like him.  I'd get tired of the media and respond with short answers just to get them out of my way (actually, I do this anyway regardless of being tired lol).

* * *

Suns are becoming much more exciting to watch, especially with NBA Street's Mascot,  Childress, back from his time in another country that the commentators mentioned.  Hope they utilize the post up players well, with Amare gone.  What's the point of having a very good point guard if there isn't an eminent center?  I believe point guards are there to feed the ball to the center for an easy basket, but I guess it also works if everyone else in the team are shooters, then every shot taken should be an automatic point.  Oh well.  Favorite teams:  Golden State, New Orleans, Boston, OKC, Houston.  Love watching point guards.

* * *

I'm gaining confidence in my own direction.  Pretty soon, I might never be depressed, ever.  So, if I ever get depressed again in the future, I must enjoy that moment, that feeling, before I never feel it again. Hopefully I'll have the urge to write even if I'm not depressed.  I want to keep this blog forever...

Love this tumblr post.  Even tho I'm a tumblr hater (because I don't know how to use it)



And since I think of the past fairly often, I realized how perfectly figures fit into my life.  Pokemon, right when I was entering primary school.  Harry Potter, started as I first began reading novels, and coincidentally, ended its last novel as I finished grade school.  I'm glad to have witness and watch Michael Jordan's last shot against the Utah Jazz (when he was ending his prime).  I'm glad to experience the golden days of JRPGs.  Final Fantasy, Chrono Trigger, Chrono Cross, Xenosaga.  Books and other miscellaneous good stuff, Goosebumps, Donkey Kong, Kirby, Geno, Gumby, Toy Story.  Being between age-wise, the young and old of my relatives.  Learning from other people's experiences, and getting hurt in the end by not doing what they say.  Hmm...

I like who I am now.  I'm quite satisfied, but I'm even more satisfied realizing that I have stuff to do to become satisfied. Oh the irony.  Maybe I wish that I can say that I'm satisfied by doing things to get satisfaction, though I probably am not and I just want to rest.  I guess I do want to rest, but it's so weird, that I feel like I have to gain some sort of other satisfaction to move on.  Will this continue until the end of my life?

I wonder what I'd be thinking if I was depressed though lol. And I'm more satisfied with what I write when I am depressed =_=

staying this way isn't fun anymore.

Staying this way isn't fun anymore.  It used to be, but now I'm feeling that rush.  The rush that society is unconsciously pushing me to be.  Well, maybe it is not that unconscious, because my parents are getting old, and they're telling me what I should do before they die.

I guess I'm learning a lot about myself without actually experiencing people and other stuff.  I learned that Love isn't what I thought it was.  Love isn't a natural feeling.  It has to be forced, and it has to react well with nature.  Well, I could still be wrong, this is based on that experience.  Love, to me, is a strange feeling because it's mixed with nature and commitment. Or maybe there is a love where commitment is part of the nature?  But that brings something else up... why is the divorce rate in this country 50%?  Why can't everyone love?  Oh well, whatever.  I'll stick to my thinking that love isn't a feeling.

And regarding my other post about how love has the power to change, I guess it doesn't, because thinking of that time, I didn't change.  I just thought of what I thought the change should be, without realizing the change I should change into.  But it did help me change into the person I wanted to change into, because in love, you want to be honest... or at least, I want to be honest, therefore I did things to make me feel real.  And so I did my best to stay true to myself.  But of course, that failed.

I'm hungry for more isolation.  But my family time is drawing nigh as well.  They are getting older, and soon they won't be with me anymore.  I'll be isolated either way. Should I just wait til then?  Being 40 years old frightens me, even though I'm only 20.  Being free and 40 years old... I want to enjoy my youth, and I can't help but feel that I'm missing something.  Did I have that missing piece back then when I was an elementary kid?

I'll never know, because each moment that I look back to, I was happy.  I looked back at my Sophomore year in high school... my year when I was most depressed, resulting to a few visits to a Psychologist, and I feel like I want to go back to those times, because I feel that those times were better than the time I'm living in right now. And I bet a few years from now, I'll be looking at this time, and I would feel like going back to this time from that future time.  Quite the paradox.  Maybe if I were to go back, I'd long for the future.

It could be the feeling.  If I were to go back to my Sophomore year, I'm sure I wouldn't want to feel all that depressed pain and such, maybe I long for it, because I actually survived it.  Maybe that's it. Survival.  I want to go back because I know I survived.

Whatever.  Moving on, lol. ITG TIME.

OMFG

I actually said something to her (CPG- cute piano girl)!

But it was because she dropped something.

And I picked it up.  I didn't know it was hers, til I saw her looking around her spot for something.  And I said "is this yours?" and she said "thanks!"  But she didn't look at me.  BUT I SAW HER FACE.  Her smile is so friggin cute, and then she asked a cute question to the teacher as well, but she sounds so motivated and serious oamsdklfjasJ:LJ:LJ!!  I'm beginning to think that she's older than me, but she probably isn't.

I really can't tell how old she is, or if she has a BF, but it looks like she does coz she's so friggin cute and focused and whatever.  And she's wearing neutral colors like gray and black and flkajsdfjkl;sdjlfj! !! INfatuationN.  WHY DIDN'T SHE LOOK AT ME.  and why do I feel like I'm talking so girly.

I must disappoint myself now.  She didn't look at me because I'm ugly.  She saw how stupid I can act.  She goes to class fast to get away from me.  Yup, that must be it.  She will never be my friend, because friends are of less importance to her, especially during these times.  That's why she's usually alone.

But what if she's like me? And if she is like me... ugh it's hard to disappoint myself when I don't know much about her.  I'm excited to see her on Thursday (in class).  I have to say hi... before I make another regret, and get a quick "I hate myself" spasm at a random time in the future.

I'm having trouble in Reading Partners... I have trouble holding back my anger, but I held it in!  I wanted to yell, but I can't do that.  It was his second day at RP, and I want it to be fun, not frustrating. Hmm... thnk think think.  But when I start any kind of thinking, I think of CPG!

I guess everyone needs someone to confirm if something is right.  To relate, and to feel good about something, we need others to confirm it is right.  We do things to feel good about ourselves...ksdfj;s geting sleepy.

15k steps today and counting.  Have you ever been mellowww.

teacha path

yeyeyeyeye.  I started Reading Partners today.  Great program.  Looks like the volunteers are high schoolers though... or they could be in college, I don't know, I don't know how people my age are supposed to look like anymore.

Wish Texas won.  So they can play again tomorrow.  And if Giants lose that game... we're in trouble coz I guess Sanchez would be starting.  Wish he got a win though.  And I wish Barry Zito pitched lol

STUCK ON PUZZLE 104 on Professor Layton.

And I'm being repelled to say hi again.  One and a half more months...  she might figure me out!  But, if I keep thinking I'm going to talk to her to make a new friend, maybe she'll get that vibe too, and I'll get that vibe, and I'll make a new cute friend!  But hope my current friend is okay with this!

I lost 10 pounds this month.  14k steps a day.  AND I still feel depressed.  But it was weird, I felt non-depressed, and I was happy at the same time... I liked myself when I was teaching those kids.  I thought I'd get all anxious, but I didn't, I was so confident and I felt like I was the best tutor there ever was.  Whatever!

and wtf I'm stressing out SO much just thinking about saying hi.  WTFWTF.  Me stressing out like this makes me feel like I need to work on to not be stressed out first before I say the hi. ITS JUST A HI OMG.  And now I look crazy for talking to myself like this.  Say hi and bye... or maybe I'll wait til the end of the year so I won't see her the next day after I say hi :(... but that would defeat the purpose of saying hi in the first place.  WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO LOOK SO IDEAL.