Snap out of it. You got what you need. So now it's time to leave.
Guilty feeling: I wish I never met you. Just so that I wouldn't talk to you anymore from now on. I love you, but I can't. I'm not supposed to. I'm supposed to be moving on. And I'll do that. I'll start distancing myself. Goodbye.
I'll think about what I don't like about her. How she thinks she's so smart. How she does stupid things. It's just stupid. Physical appearance, it's not just what you see. You talk to people in the internet and you see how they are that way, but I bet if that guy had tattoos all over him IRL you wouldn't think again before approaching him. You sit on your ass the whole day, adult problems?! Shouldn't you be solving them and not talking to other people? You don't eat, that's stupid. You and your family, you don't appreciate them. You're fucking 23. You talk about other people without doing anything about it. You don't know anything about anyone... I hate you. I wish I wasn't attached to you. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't like you. You would be the kind of person I hate. Bitch.
Fate isn't real. Logic prevails. Science prevails. Our fates aren't predetermined. If it were, why the hell do people die? If I'm like everyone else why do some people die? God's plan? Oh hell no... oh hell no. Fortunes, horoscopes... all bullshit. Is this what's attracting me? She doesn't like me. No feelings at all. Hahaha and she got the wrong idea of me. Bitch. Fucking bitch. Fucking bitch who thinks she's smart but hates how she's living. If she's so smart how come she has problems? Hypocritical bitch.
We all live once. Hell I'm not wasting my time anymore. The people who left before me... were all smart by leaving her. I'm sure they're having good times now without her, they find a way. If they're capable of doing it, why shouldn't I be? She thinks I'm stupid... what the fuck, lmao. She never met me... she doesn't know me. LMAO what the fuck.
True love doesn't exist. It's all chemicals. Everything is all chemical reactions. It's a wonderful thing, but it's stupid. It's not something higher, or maybe chemistry is God? How the hell were these things created? From outer space? What the hell is all of this. We're just here, like everyone else. What do we do? We do what we feel like, we do what won't hurt us. That's how everyone should live. And if I'm complaining who the hell would want to hear that? We have to be better than others to feel confident about ourselves. That's the truth. Work hard for ourselves... be the change I want to see. I won't get depressed anymore. It's in good terms. I'm tired of this shit. Goodbye. Bitch.
I'm leaving. Will she chase after me? Maybe not. Whatever. I don't like her.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
RIP
It's dead. She's not willing to help bring this friendship back up. And I am... but it's impossible if she won't.
She wouldn't like anything I want to do.
She's still within reach, so that's a good thing.
But I can't get close anymore. Why do I want to get close? Because I love her. But that's the wrong reason to get close. What I should be doing is being her friend, and being there for her. But how can I do that if she doesn't trust me anymore? So first, I have to get her to trust me... how do I get her to trust me? Do what she says, ask questions... but that will sound that I'm just trying to get close to her? Dammit I can't think, I don't know what to say or do. If she doesn't like me, I should leave her alone. But if I like her, what do I do? Not love her? But she's so my type and so perfect to just walk away from. I don't know what to do.
Hopeless.
She wouldn't like anything I want to do.
She's still within reach, so that's a good thing.
But I can't get close anymore. Why do I want to get close? Because I love her. But that's the wrong reason to get close. What I should be doing is being her friend, and being there for her. But how can I do that if she doesn't trust me anymore? So first, I have to get her to trust me... how do I get her to trust me? Do what she says, ask questions... but that will sound that I'm just trying to get close to her? Dammit I can't think, I don't know what to say or do. If she doesn't like me, I should leave her alone. But if I like her, what do I do? Not love her? But she's so my type and so perfect to just walk away from. I don't know what to do.
Hopeless.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
oh fuck.
Bombed my Chem exam, thought it would be really easy. Shiiiiit.
I'll let her go, I think I'm coming off as annoying. My plan would be to talk to her at least once in two days, well, if she's available, I'll talk to her. Then the next day, if she's available, I won't talk to her, and I'll wait until the next day until she is available. Yup, that's what I'll do.
Gotta work my fucking ass off. Microbiology, Chemistry, piano. I'm not even practicing much piano.
I'm becoming more friendly. It's definitely thanks to her. How the hell can I repay her? I just have to be a better person when I talk to her, right?
Talked to Phyu Phyu, she hates clingy guys too, and she actually severed her friendship with guys like that. That was scary, I don't want to love anyone anymore if girls are like that lmao. I like talking to her, I feel like I can open up, and she actually laughs at my funnies. I think we'll be good friends or whatever.
Talked to Mike, he's doing alright, I think we can start kicking it too. Yeah, he should be my best friend. Intimidating, but he's still cool. I'll try to be cool too.
I just have to make up my friendship with Caroline, because I know I'm at fault for being a gayass friend.I left her during her birthday party because I felt awkward. I should have waited, and just stayed there. Not only that, I still haven't given her my DS games. And the Anatomy book I said I would give her. And not answering her phone calls. Wow what an asshole I am. And I'm making it look like she leeched from me because she never done any favors for me except being my friend.
Why was I fucking scared of the phone? =_=
And why the fuck was I scared about talking about myself.
I'll let her go, I think I'm coming off as annoying. My plan would be to talk to her at least once in two days, well, if she's available, I'll talk to her. Then the next day, if she's available, I won't talk to her, and I'll wait until the next day until she is available. Yup, that's what I'll do.
Gotta work my fucking ass off. Microbiology, Chemistry, piano. I'm not even practicing much piano.
I'm becoming more friendly. It's definitely thanks to her. How the hell can I repay her? I just have to be a better person when I talk to her, right?
Talked to Phyu Phyu, she hates clingy guys too, and she actually severed her friendship with guys like that. That was scary, I don't want to love anyone anymore if girls are like that lmao. I like talking to her, I feel like I can open up, and she actually laughs at my funnies. I think we'll be good friends or whatever.
Talked to Mike, he's doing alright, I think we can start kicking it too. Yeah, he should be my best friend. Intimidating, but he's still cool. I'll try to be cool too.
I just have to make up my friendship with Caroline, because I know I'm at fault for being a gayass friend.I left her during her birthday party because I felt awkward. I should have waited, and just stayed there. Not only that, I still haven't given her my DS games. And the Anatomy book I said I would give her. And not answering her phone calls. Wow what an asshole I am. And I'm making it look like she leeched from me because she never done any favors for me except being my friend.
Why was I fucking scared of the phone? =_=
And why the fuck was I scared about talking about myself.
Monday, February 8, 2010
I couldn't say it before when you asked.
Sorry this took so long, I spent a lot of time editing this. It’s not going to be an impulsive entry. That angry email I wrote to you after you left me? I wrote it two days before I sent it, and reread it, and edited irrelevant stuff out over and over, and I kept contemplating whether I should send it to you or not. I didn’t know what to expect, because I don’t think I was ever angry at you. I knew you were sensitive, and I wanted to try something new. I want to say what I really want to say this time.
I remember you asking me why I loved you. I responded that I don’t know, and I just do. That’s sort of true. There are a lot of people who I like. But it just turns out; you are the person that just complements the me who never existed. You bring out motivation for me. I guess it’s another way of saying that I actually am using you. I’m selfish, for my own purpose, I’m using you so I can be a better person for myself, but that’s wrong. I REALLY hope I can one day say that I have genuine intentions for all the good that I do. By better person, I mean that you’re pushing me to be more of the person that I WANT to be. I WANT to have good intentions for every good thing that I do.
These are parts of you that I like. But no part is the same without the whole. And the whole is you. Therefore, I like you. Just one part alone doesn’t represent why I like you, but the entire part. Okay, I should stop repeating myself. It’s mixed with assumptions, what you do. And you’re right. I guess I do like the “idea” of you. I can’t help but believe in the idea of you. You’re like everyone else, but you’re different in how you express yourself, you act differently. I guess I just like how you treat me? I don’t know, I just know I like you but anyways.
You’re authentic. You talk genuinely, and I can see that everything you say or write is genuine. You know what hurts you, and you react through your experiences. I hurt you, so you leave me. That’s how it is. You attach yourself to people who make you feel better. I think everyone really does do that. You know what you like, and you do what you like. I guess I attach myself to you because I like you, and I believe in you. If I didn’t, I would’ve left you and labeled you as a faker like most of the other people I know.
You’re honest and I feel like I can trust you with almost anything. You talk about honesty a lot. So I know you try to be honest with yourself. And its there, you show it by being you. I don’t know why, but just by your presence, you’re pushing me to be a better person even though you may not realize it.
I like how you care about other people, and how you’re just so lovable. You care about even assholes (me).
You’re determined to succeed in helping others. Nependeath honey, wtf, right? You helped me no matter how boring or what the odds are, that’s tough stuff to do, and no one I know does things like that.
You’re loyal. You’re loyal to your best friend and boyfriend no matter what terrible shit they do, you’re with them. If you left your boyfriend for me, I wouldn’t have liked you anymore.
You give me constructive friend criticism. You give me something to work on. I need that, or I’ll start whining and complaining.
You’re a friend.
You get things done.
You gave me the pain I think I deserve.
It's hella cute how she gets mad at how people don't assume that she cares.
You say to tell you when I have issues with you. I can't, because the way you bother me is so cute and I don't want it to stop... sometimes.
I think I can emotionally support you.
You’re smart. Puzzle thing, card game thing, Professor Layton, and computer building thing. Holy shit wtf! I can probably do those things too, but I never feel like trying. You’re intelligent that way, and it’s attractive. But in a general sense, I think smart people are those who don’t get depressed.
Now for the little things that I like about you. Sort of like assumptions, but I believe in them. Sorry! Anyways, I like your past. I like how you seemed kind of shy and such a loner even though you had so much potential according to what you blogged about. I like how you wish your past was different. How you think you were such a bad friend back then. It’s cute. It makes me want to hug you. You play video games, and that shows that you’re open minded. You don’t eat much. That’s tough to do too. My lab partner who’s also into games, dresses nice, and wears make-up, and she’s good to her family and stuff, but she would faint if she didn’t eat and she left me in the middle of an experiment to go home and eat. I know you wouldn’t do that LOL. And she’s boring, I like you much better. You’re also silly, and you say hate a lot. It’s funny because I know you don’t mean it, and you know you don’t mean it, yet you say it anyway because it’s what you’re feeling at that moment. The way you’re silly, with all your drawings and stuff is just cute, you Caterpie. And for some reason I think all girls are miserable. You look really happy, and you must have some hidden misery. I thought I can unmiserabolize you, but I’m doing the opposite. Ooops! And your pet craze is interesting; I like random interests like that.
And … I have a strange attraction to older women with glasses and women with nice heads. Liking you would be smart too. No make-up and beauty products? Hell yeah, naturally beauty for the win, saving those monies! LOL I kid, don’t take it too seriously. Anyways, after I said that you look stunning beautiful, I took out the next sentence “there’s NO WAY you can look that good so naturally” because it would come off as an assumption. And my assumption was right; you didn’t use make-up, so I should’ve kept that in there. You’re just better than other girls. You have high affinity to what I look for. It’s probably not in general to other people. I know that, but I’m just saying this about you. And haha I used the word affinity, damn Physiology.
I don’t mean to offend you. I think back, and there are times when I thought I offended you, but being so selfish, I didn’t tell you what they were. I remember this one time when you weren’t on Maple and I got my HH KS’d lolomg. I said “you’re late!” Me and my old Maple buddies Ben and Nicole used to say that to each other when we logged in, I just felt like saying that. Hmm, I remember when we were at skeles when there was supposed to be 2x exp the whole day, and I would be like “how will you level?!?!” I guess I was annoyed, but at the same time I really didn’t mean it. I should’ve told you, but you seemed really mad that you couldn’t level as fast because the 2x exp sucked and you planned to get to 120 yet you weren’t even fighting. If you’re mad, I shouldn’t get mad back, I’m sorry, but now I know to tell you what’s bothering me. But all of this was in the past.
I like to believe I’m doing my best, but I guess it doesn’t look like it. I guess I’m like the anti-bacterial soap, and you’re the normal flora. I destroy the normal flora without meaning to because my true intention is to take out the germs, though normal flora is part of the bacteria so I destroy it anyway since it’s in the way. (I just learned that anti-bacterial soap isn’t good for us in Microbiology). And yeah, I sorta lost it near the end. Oh well.
I’m not blaming you for anything, I’m not mad at you for anything, and I don’t expect anything from you. (Copy and paste this to me when I am, please.)
And I don’t cry much, it’s me who made me cry I guess. I can take you getting mad at me. I just get teary eyed seeing what I’ve done. First time was when Marites told me to STFU because I didn’t think I was so annoying, I was mad at myself. Second, I was mad at myself because I “lied,” and I regret why I was such an asshole, third, I was mad at myself for liking you because I thought you’d like me back. Fourth, same thing why I cried, that I fucked up again. The point is, I’m not blaming you for making me cry, but I like how you make me think more about myself that makes me cry.
Now, you're physical appearance. You're cute, huggable looking, a little shorter than me, Asian, and you're older. Just what I'm looking for.
<3
I wish that sometimes you'd ask me the same questions... I should leave you and your boyfriend alone though. I'll be here... working my ass off. Or trying to. Or just doing nothing and thinking about you, and saying damn, your boyfriend sucks.
I remember you asking me why I loved you. I responded that I don’t know, and I just do. That’s sort of true. There are a lot of people who I like. But it just turns out; you are the person that just complements the me who never existed. You bring out motivation for me. I guess it’s another way of saying that I actually am using you. I’m selfish, for my own purpose, I’m using you so I can be a better person for myself, but that’s wrong. I REALLY hope I can one day say that I have genuine intentions for all the good that I do. By better person, I mean that you’re pushing me to be more of the person that I WANT to be. I WANT to have good intentions for every good thing that I do.
These are parts of you that I like. But no part is the same without the whole. And the whole is you. Therefore, I like you. Just one part alone doesn’t represent why I like you, but the entire part. Okay, I should stop repeating myself. It’s mixed with assumptions, what you do. And you’re right. I guess I do like the “idea” of you. I can’t help but believe in the idea of you. You’re like everyone else, but you’re different in how you express yourself, you act differently. I guess I just like how you treat me? I don’t know, I just know I like you but anyways.
You’re authentic. You talk genuinely, and I can see that everything you say or write is genuine. You know what hurts you, and you react through your experiences. I hurt you, so you leave me. That’s how it is. You attach yourself to people who make you feel better. I think everyone really does do that. You know what you like, and you do what you like. I guess I attach myself to you because I like you, and I believe in you. If I didn’t, I would’ve left you and labeled you as a faker like most of the other people I know.
You’re honest and I feel like I can trust you with almost anything. You talk about honesty a lot. So I know you try to be honest with yourself. And its there, you show it by being you. I don’t know why, but just by your presence, you’re pushing me to be a better person even though you may not realize it.
I like how you care about other people, and how you’re just so lovable. You care about even assholes (me).
You’re determined to succeed in helping others. Nependeath honey, wtf, right? You helped me no matter how boring or what the odds are, that’s tough stuff to do, and no one I know does things like that.
You’re loyal. You’re loyal to your best friend and boyfriend no matter what terrible shit they do, you’re with them. If you left your boyfriend for me, I wouldn’t have liked you anymore.
You give me constructive friend criticism. You give me something to work on. I need that, or I’ll start whining and complaining.
You’re a friend.
You get things done.
You gave me the pain I think I deserve.
It's hella cute how she gets mad at how people don't assume that she cares.
You say to tell you when I have issues with you. I can't, because the way you bother me is so cute and I don't want it to stop... sometimes.
I think I can emotionally support you.
You’re smart. Puzzle thing, card game thing, Professor Layton, and computer building thing. Holy shit wtf! I can probably do those things too, but I never feel like trying. You’re intelligent that way, and it’s attractive. But in a general sense, I think smart people are those who don’t get depressed.
Now for the little things that I like about you. Sort of like assumptions, but I believe in them. Sorry! Anyways, I like your past. I like how you seemed kind of shy and such a loner even though you had so much potential according to what you blogged about. I like how you wish your past was different. How you think you were such a bad friend back then. It’s cute. It makes me want to hug you. You play video games, and that shows that you’re open minded. You don’t eat much. That’s tough to do too. My lab partner who’s also into games, dresses nice, and wears make-up, and she’s good to her family and stuff, but she would faint if she didn’t eat and she left me in the middle of an experiment to go home and eat. I know you wouldn’t do that LOL. And she’s boring, I like you much better. You’re also silly, and you say hate a lot. It’s funny because I know you don’t mean it, and you know you don’t mean it, yet you say it anyway because it’s what you’re feeling at that moment. The way you’re silly, with all your drawings and stuff is just cute, you Caterpie. And for some reason I think all girls are miserable. You look really happy, and you must have some hidden misery. I thought I can unmiserabolize you, but I’m doing the opposite. Ooops! And your pet craze is interesting; I like random interests like that.
And … I have a strange attraction to older women with glasses and women with nice heads. Liking you would be smart too. No make-up and beauty products? Hell yeah, naturally beauty for the win, saving those monies! LOL I kid, don’t take it too seriously. Anyways, after I said that you look stunning beautiful, I took out the next sentence “there’s NO WAY you can look that good so naturally” because it would come off as an assumption. And my assumption was right; you didn’t use make-up, so I should’ve kept that in there. You’re just better than other girls. You have high affinity to what I look for. It’s probably not in general to other people. I know that, but I’m just saying this about you. And haha I used the word affinity, damn Physiology.
I don’t mean to offend you. I think back, and there are times when I thought I offended you, but being so selfish, I didn’t tell you what they were. I remember this one time when you weren’t on Maple and I got my HH KS’d lolomg. I said “you’re late!” Me and my old Maple buddies Ben and Nicole used to say that to each other when we logged in, I just felt like saying that. Hmm, I remember when we were at skeles when there was supposed to be 2x exp the whole day, and I would be like “how will you level?!?!” I guess I was annoyed, but at the same time I really didn’t mean it. I should’ve told you, but you seemed really mad that you couldn’t level as fast because the 2x exp sucked and you planned to get to 120 yet you weren’t even fighting. If you’re mad, I shouldn’t get mad back, I’m sorry, but now I know to tell you what’s bothering me. But all of this was in the past.
I like to believe I’m doing my best, but I guess it doesn’t look like it. I guess I’m like the anti-bacterial soap, and you’re the normal flora. I destroy the normal flora without meaning to because my true intention is to take out the germs, though normal flora is part of the bacteria so I destroy it anyway since it’s in the way. (I just learned that anti-bacterial soap isn’t good for us in Microbiology). And yeah, I sorta lost it near the end. Oh well.
I’m not blaming you for anything, I’m not mad at you for anything, and I don’t expect anything from you. (Copy and paste this to me when I am, please.)
And I don’t cry much, it’s me who made me cry I guess. I can take you getting mad at me. I just get teary eyed seeing what I’ve done. First time was when Marites told me to STFU because I didn’t think I was so annoying, I was mad at myself. Second, I was mad at myself because I “lied,” and I regret why I was such an asshole, third, I was mad at myself for liking you because I thought you’d like me back. Fourth, same thing why I cried, that I fucked up again. The point is, I’m not blaming you for making me cry, but I like how you make me think more about myself that makes me cry.
Now, you're physical appearance. You're cute, huggable looking, a little shorter than me, Asian, and you're older. Just what I'm looking for.
<3
I wish that sometimes you'd ask me the same questions... I should leave you and your boyfriend alone though. I'll be here... working my ass off. Or trying to. Or just doing nothing and thinking about you, and saying damn, your boyfriend sucks.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
so depressed T___T
I just know it. I really want her to talk to me. I don't like me initiating the conversation. I don't deserve to be her friend. But I want to be her friend anyways. What do I ask? I've done so many bad things. How am I to fix this? So today I reestablished the link. Now I have to keep it flowing and going.
So I said shit. How do I take back these words? Answer: By showing I mean that I'm listening to her.
What she wants, and actually TOLD me to do: Listen, not be annoying, talk to her, don't run away, don't lie, ask questions.
If I do all these things, things will be okay, right?
And then there are the offenses. She lost trust in me. I'll do what she says. She doesn't know me. What mistakes can I make? I already said bad things. All I have to do is talk to her when she's available.
Things I will do: I won't get mad, and just listen, and respond with my honest opinion.
So far, guidelines are to: Notice my hypocrisy, not get mad, not run away, listen, talk to her, don't lie, and ask questions. She also said to not act like a little kid... which I do very often. I'll not act like a kid in a serious conversation. I'll do my best! This relationship has to work.
<3
I wish she'd stop being busy and being away though.
Alright, questions... hmm.
None right now, I have to get back to square one. I have to be worthy of being her friend again. Then I'll advance into asking personal questions.
But then again... maybe I am assuming. Should I ask the question? How would I ask it?
"You lost all trust in me, right?"
"I'm still your friend, right?"
I don't know how she accepts compliments. But I really NEED her as a friend. At first, I was just happy having company... and then my side of the bond grew deeper. If it hadn't, we would've been close kickass friends. IF all I could be was patient. If I didn't assume...
Okay I should stop now. When she's available, I'll talk to her again.
"Did you lose all faith in me?" I'll save this question after talking for a bit.
"Because I feel really bad when I talk to you. I feel like I'm so guilty and I deserve to be hurt even more. I'm fine with that you hate me because I know I deserve it... but I'm not okay thinking that I can do nothing to change it. You're the best friend I ever had coz you're a constructive friend, and I don't want to screw things up again. I'm not assuming anything, I just can't help but feel this way."
I'm crying now. Or teary eyeing. DEEP BREATH. I can do this.
So I said shit. How do I take back these words? Answer: By showing I mean that I'm listening to her.
What she wants, and actually TOLD me to do: Listen, not be annoying, talk to her, don't run away, don't lie, ask questions.
If I do all these things, things will be okay, right?
And then there are the offenses. She lost trust in me. I'll do what she says. She doesn't know me. What mistakes can I make? I already said bad things. All I have to do is talk to her when she's available.
Things I will do: I won't get mad, and just listen, and respond with my honest opinion.
So far, guidelines are to: Notice my hypocrisy, not get mad, not run away, listen, talk to her, don't lie, and ask questions. She also said to not act like a little kid... which I do very often. I'll not act like a kid in a serious conversation. I'll do my best! This relationship has to work.
<3
I wish she'd stop being busy and being away though.
Alright, questions... hmm.
None right now, I have to get back to square one. I have to be worthy of being her friend again. Then I'll advance into asking personal questions.
But then again... maybe I am assuming. Should I ask the question? How would I ask it?
"You lost all trust in me, right?"
"I'm still your friend, right?"
I don't know how she accepts compliments. But I really NEED her as a friend. At first, I was just happy having company... and then my side of the bond grew deeper. If it hadn't, we would've been close kickass friends. IF all I could be was patient. If I didn't assume...
Okay I should stop now. When she's available, I'll talk to her again.
"Did you lose all faith in me?" I'll save this question after talking for a bit.
"Because I feel really bad when I talk to you. I feel like I'm so guilty and I deserve to be hurt even more. I'm fine with that you hate me because I know I deserve it... but I'm not okay thinking that I can do nothing to change it. You're the best friend I ever had coz you're a constructive friend, and I don't want to screw things up again. I'm not assuming anything, I just can't help but feel this way."
I'm crying now. Or teary eyeing. DEEP BREATH. I can do this.
childhood evolution.
Never. Gonna. Eat. Raw. Foods. AGAIN. Nigguhhhh. Everything's set, all I have to do is work. Like always.
Side project hobby thing JUST BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING WEIRD. Created in the soul of Legend of Meteo.
None will be wimpy. I want them to be inspiring characters, though there will be wimpy side characters to compare the heroes to. Protagonists:
Temmy. "We live to pursue interests." The Sexy Scientist- Wrapped in bandages to avoid exposure to pathogens. She wears nice frames, and she's always hella skeptical about everything and she's hella smart in the field of science... Has a pHD in all the Biological Science fields, and is currently taking a Microbiology course, which she somehow skipped. She mixes science and Philosophy to create weird analogies. She talks very sarcastically, with philosophical elements analogizing with scientific theories. Has seizurey attacks. Seizure Spin, Seizure Blast. Then she draws out a Bunsen burner and burns the enemy. Wrapped in bandages, with a lab coat. Her glasses are over her face and over her bandages. Her appearance is a lot like Minwu from Final Fantasy II, and Vivi's eyes from Final Fantasy IX. I think I'll delve into her character later when I have more knowledge about science. She's hella funny though, her attacks would be and her appearance, but she'll be talking really sciency, sarcastic, and serious.
Vance. "Bananas taste good when your mouth isn't dry." Ladiesman based on Daniel- Believes in hardwork, very secretive. Also based on my cousin Cheryl. Jokes around a lot. Teases the girls on guessing how they orgasm. Is it continuous? Quick squirts? Only cares about himself and getting what he wants, but he shows that he cares. At heart, he doesn't. Though he loves his family, and his girlfriend. Major in Nursing. He hates smoke. He's practical. He takes a piece of his hair out, throws it like a paper airplane, and it explodes. He was born with some chemical disorder so his hair secretes this oil that is highly reactive to some shit that explodes, which he carries around (Temmy gives it to him). Best childhood friends with Temmy. He wears a track jacket, jeans, and shades. He doesn't have a favorite brand, because he wears whatever he wants to. He dies saving someone who isn't his family or girlfriend.
Togo. "Life isn't worth living without feeling the peak of your emotions!" Dedicated Musician without an ego. Music major. Listens to music all the time. She has OCD. She keeps on practicing. She fears being perverted, so she repeats everything again thinking that something she said came out perverted. She's optimistic, and encourages the people what to do with logic and feelings. Attacks with twin rods, and deadly piercing strings like Spiderman. But it cuts anything. Actually more like a tennis net. She has a family history of musician fighters in this hidden musician village of musician fighters. The history of their instrumental songs date back to the beginning, where songs can change the way people feel and shit, which caused this great war a long time ago that resulted in The Division. She wears a beret, that sexy shirt that doesn't cover a shoulder (SO SEXY), a shirt, and jeans. And boots. It’s hella cute how she gets mad at how people don’t assume that she cares. She's actually a reincarnation of God. YES GOD IS A GIRL. When I think of her, she's like a female version of Geno from Super Mario RPG, mixed with a little chaos from Xenosaga. She's like a ninja from a ninja clan. And she's borderline Alouette from La Pucelle. Thinking about it more, and I want her name to sound French, just because I like the French music in the Romantic era, and she's a Music major. Jeuxjeux? lol But that'll make white people godlike. Or she can have a French name and be Asian. Yeahh. She says smart and optimistic things, and her eyes are bright, shining with hope and determination. The more I think about it, what if chaos from Xenosaga has sex, what would his child be like if he's the reincarnation of Jesus? Jesus isn't supposed to have a baby but what if chaos has one anyway omg.
Leena. Hypocritical impulsive gal. Who's in love. And she's a girl. A lesbian. A very sexy lesbian. Majoring in Psychology. She does things out of the ordinary. She would give mean blunt advice to others to fix their problems quickly but not actually do them herself. She thinks that she's doing it just to get in another's pants, but in the end, she does it, and even after an orgasm continues to embrace her lover. AH SO CUTE. Passionate sex! She thinks her motives aren't real even though she acts so genuine. She's always thinking so negatively of herself even though her heart is pure gold. Wields dual guns. Female lead. She sorta makes me think of the "Smiley Girl" attack from Luca in Ar Tonelico 2. And attacks like Death the Kid from Soul Eater. She bites her hair. Purple hair. She talks the most. Her eyes are small and mature looking... like an eyes of an assassin.
Jack. "I just want to do my own thing. Why can't society see that." Main character based on Kevin Balalong.The huh? What? Okay? character. Left handed, tactician, and skillful. Shows by his determination. But he gets bored. Studying to become an accountant. He's not stupid, he knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. His weapon is a Bazooka. His family is really normal, but he doesn't know how to do simple chores. The only thing in his mind is the prize and his skills. He tries to handle each situation as efficiently as possible. A good understanding leader, he recognizes each of his friend's abilities and utilizes them to the best of their potential. He can be trusted this way, because no negative intentions are known about him to the rest of the group, therefore he was chosen as the leader. He's quiet, and doesn't like to talk much, but when he does, he says what he thinks and not what other people want him to say or think.
Con. "Incompetent people do not make this world go round." King Conami, cameo appearance from my childhood RPG Legend of Meteo. He came from the V Planet (not five, vee), hunting down Dodeco. He won't talk much, but he'll appear in a hell lot of flash backs. Sexy epic looking flash backs that goes years before Dodeco does his shit. He's hella powerful, but holds back. Wrapped in a cloak, he stands out. Determined to kill. But he shows off his Nike Air Max's. Magus from Chrono Trigger? Oh I want to describe his ultimate attack, Dark V. Screen turns black, then it writes the letter V very slow in fire across the screen, then fades and the screen sizzles right when the V starts dissipating.
-!@#$- has a crush on someone. Loner, wimpy, lost, isn't anywhere in the status totem, doesn't know what to do in life. Learns a lot from the group. Pretty much the growth character. I don't expect there to be a fanbase of him. Togo, Leena, and Vance would act like his guardians. Maybe he should be the main character and not Kevin, er, I mean Jack. I don't want him to end up like a Vaan though.
I hate how my characters are reminding me of other characters, but I guess that happens all the time. Sort of.
Actually, everyone will be sorta like a main character, but Jack is who the player would start with.
Now I have to connect the characters somehow and put them in a world crisis related plot. Hmm. It'll be a fictional world. But related to ours in so many ways. And I don't know what the hell The Division is, I just made it up while making up the characters. Oh well, things will change of course.
And I'm thinking about killing a character off. And adding 2 more protagonists.
Comic relief character: Rygar. Fuzzy panties, wielding the legendary Excalibur. Second son to the fourth prince of Draculonia. He thinks he can destroy evil. He's hella muscular, with hair down to his shoulders. And he's white. Likes all the girls he sees. In the end he'll reveal that he's a vampire (or near the middle). "I'm a vampire." "I am Rygarrrrrrrrr, fourth prince to the second son."
I'll add in King Dodeco, Delta Knight, Crystal Knight, and Genoral into this somehow.
Dodeco. "I like causing cancer."
Overall theme is change, and that everyone has good in their hearts somewhere. They're just missing something, but once they find it, they can love.
Boss would be some kind of huge ass pathogenic spore. In the beginning, characters would talk to themselves in ( ), so we know what they're thinking, but they don't act like how they think, though Leena might. I think you call those monologues? Not sure. Togo and Vance acts different than how they think.
lmao, oh fuuuck :p Fucking strange hobby. But I've been doing shit like this for long time. Bitch. I'm falling for Leena. Ah I might fall for Togo too but she's just too angelic for me. And then there's the sexy smart Temmy. I was originally going to make Temmy the female lead, and I wanted her to look the sexiest but I ended up liking my design and back story to Leena more lol
They're all going to be majoring in something. Ahhh love Leena. And Togo. and OMG now I don't want Vance to die. Maybe he'll die and come back! No! yes! No! WTF! ommgg I'm loving Leena so much LOL she's so friggin cute. Short shorts and a hoodie WTF so cute. I don't want her to have sex anymore. But she has to!
The more I think about it, the more these characters relate to me. It's like I'm split into different people. This story will be so epic and bring me to tears. Expect me to finish it in like 30 years haha.
Side project hobby thing JUST BECAUSE I'M SO FUCKING WEIRD. Created in the soul of Legend of Meteo.
None will be wimpy. I want them to be inspiring characters, though there will be wimpy side characters to compare the heroes to. Protagonists:
Temmy. "We live to pursue interests." The Sexy Scientist- Wrapped in bandages to avoid exposure to pathogens. She wears nice frames, and she's always hella skeptical about everything and she's hella smart in the field of science... Has a pHD in all the Biological Science fields, and is currently taking a Microbiology course, which she somehow skipped. She mixes science and Philosophy to create weird analogies. She talks very sarcastically, with philosophical elements analogizing with scientific theories. Has seizurey attacks. Seizure Spin, Seizure Blast. Then she draws out a Bunsen burner and burns the enemy. Wrapped in bandages, with a lab coat. Her glasses are over her face and over her bandages. Her appearance is a lot like Minwu from Final Fantasy II, and Vivi's eyes from Final Fantasy IX. I think I'll delve into her character later when I have more knowledge about science. She's hella funny though, her attacks would be and her appearance, but she'll be talking really sciency, sarcastic, and serious.
Vance. "Bananas taste good when your mouth isn't dry." Ladiesman based on Daniel- Believes in hardwork, very secretive. Also based on my cousin Cheryl. Jokes around a lot. Teases the girls on guessing how they orgasm. Is it continuous? Quick squirts? Only cares about himself and getting what he wants, but he shows that he cares. At heart, he doesn't. Though he loves his family, and his girlfriend. Major in Nursing. He hates smoke. He's practical. He takes a piece of his hair out, throws it like a paper airplane, and it explodes. He was born with some chemical disorder so his hair secretes this oil that is highly reactive to some shit that explodes, which he carries around (Temmy gives it to him). Best childhood friends with Temmy. He wears a track jacket, jeans, and shades. He doesn't have a favorite brand, because he wears whatever he wants to. He dies saving someone who isn't his family or girlfriend.
Togo. "Life isn't worth living without feeling the peak of your emotions!" Dedicated Musician without an ego. Music major. Listens to music all the time. She has OCD. She keeps on practicing. She fears being perverted, so she repeats everything again thinking that something she said came out perverted. She's optimistic, and encourages the people what to do with logic and feelings. Attacks with twin rods, and deadly piercing strings like Spiderman. But it cuts anything. Actually more like a tennis net. She has a family history of musician fighters in this hidden musician village of musician fighters. The history of their instrumental songs date back to the beginning, where songs can change the way people feel and shit, which caused this great war a long time ago that resulted in The Division. She wears a beret, that sexy shirt that doesn't cover a shoulder (SO SEXY), a shirt, and jeans. And boots. It’s hella cute how she gets mad at how people don’t assume that she cares. She's actually a reincarnation of God. YES GOD IS A GIRL. When I think of her, she's like a female version of Geno from Super Mario RPG, mixed with a little chaos from Xenosaga. She's like a ninja from a ninja clan. And she's borderline Alouette from La Pucelle. Thinking about it more, and I want her name to sound French, just because I like the French music in the Romantic era, and she's a Music major. Jeuxjeux? lol But that'll make white people godlike. Or she can have a French name and be Asian. Yeahh. She says smart and optimistic things, and her eyes are bright, shining with hope and determination. The more I think about it, what if chaos from Xenosaga has sex, what would his child be like if he's the reincarnation of Jesus? Jesus isn't supposed to have a baby but what if chaos has one anyway omg.
Leena. Hypocritical impulsive gal. Who's in love. And she's a girl. A lesbian. A very sexy lesbian. Majoring in Psychology. She does things out of the ordinary. She would give mean blunt advice to others to fix their problems quickly but not actually do them herself. She thinks that she's doing it just to get in another's pants, but in the end, she does it, and even after an orgasm continues to embrace her lover. AH SO CUTE. Passionate sex! She thinks her motives aren't real even though she acts so genuine. She's always thinking so negatively of herself even though her heart is pure gold. Wields dual guns. Female lead. She sorta makes me think of the "Smiley Girl" attack from Luca in Ar Tonelico 2. And attacks like Death the Kid from Soul Eater. She bites her hair. Purple hair. She talks the most. Her eyes are small and mature looking... like an eyes of an assassin.
Jack. "I just want to do my own thing. Why can't society see that." Main character based on Kevin Balalong.The huh? What? Okay? character. Left handed, tactician, and skillful. Shows by his determination. But he gets bored. Studying to become an accountant. He's not stupid, he knows what he wants and he knows how to get it. His weapon is a Bazooka. His family is really normal, but he doesn't know how to do simple chores. The only thing in his mind is the prize and his skills. He tries to handle each situation as efficiently as possible. A good understanding leader, he recognizes each of his friend's abilities and utilizes them to the best of their potential. He can be trusted this way, because no negative intentions are known about him to the rest of the group, therefore he was chosen as the leader. He's quiet, and doesn't like to talk much, but when he does, he says what he thinks and not what other people want him to say or think.
Con. "Incompetent people do not make this world go round." King Conami, cameo appearance from my childhood RPG Legend of Meteo. He came from the V Planet (not five, vee), hunting down Dodeco. He won't talk much, but he'll appear in a hell lot of flash backs. Sexy epic looking flash backs that goes years before Dodeco does his shit. He's hella powerful, but holds back. Wrapped in a cloak, he stands out. Determined to kill. But he shows off his Nike Air Max's. Magus from Chrono Trigger? Oh I want to describe his ultimate attack, Dark V. Screen turns black, then it writes the letter V very slow in fire across the screen, then fades and the screen sizzles right when the V starts dissipating.
-!@#$- has a crush on someone. Loner, wimpy, lost, isn't anywhere in the status totem, doesn't know what to do in life. Learns a lot from the group. Pretty much the growth character. I don't expect there to be a fanbase of him. Togo, Leena, and Vance would act like his guardians. Maybe he should be the main character and not Kevin, er, I mean Jack. I don't want him to end up like a Vaan though.
I hate how my characters are reminding me of other characters, but I guess that happens all the time. Sort of.
Actually, everyone will be sorta like a main character, but Jack is who the player would start with.
Now I have to connect the characters somehow and put them in a world crisis related plot. Hmm. It'll be a fictional world. But related to ours in so many ways. And I don't know what the hell The Division is, I just made it up while making up the characters. Oh well, things will change of course.
And I'm thinking about killing a character off. And adding 2 more protagonists.
Comic relief character: Rygar. Fuzzy panties, wielding the legendary Excalibur. Second son to the fourth prince of Draculonia. He thinks he can destroy evil. He's hella muscular, with hair down to his shoulders. And he's white. Likes all the girls he sees. In the end he'll reveal that he's a vampire (or near the middle). "I'm a vampire." "I am Rygarrrrrrrrr, fourth prince to the second son."
I'll add in King Dodeco, Delta Knight, Crystal Knight, and Genoral into this somehow.
Dodeco. "I like causing cancer."
Overall theme is change, and that everyone has good in their hearts somewhere. They're just missing something, but once they find it, they can love.
Boss would be some kind of huge ass pathogenic spore. In the beginning, characters would talk to themselves in ( ), so we know what they're thinking, but they don't act like how they think, though Leena might. I think you call those monologues? Not sure. Togo and Vance acts different than how they think.
lmao, oh fuuuck :p Fucking strange hobby. But I've been doing shit like this for long time. Bitch. I'm falling for Leena. Ah I might fall for Togo too but she's just too angelic for me. And then there's the sexy smart Temmy. I was originally going to make Temmy the female lead, and I wanted her to look the sexiest but I ended up liking my design and back story to Leena more lol
They're all going to be majoring in something. Ahhh love Leena. And Togo. and OMG now I don't want Vance to die. Maybe he'll die and come back! No! yes! No! WTF! ommgg I'm loving Leena so much LOL she's so friggin cute. Short shorts and a hoodie WTF so cute. I don't want her to have sex anymore. But she has to!
The more I think about it, the more these characters relate to me. It's like I'm split into different people. This story will be so epic and bring me to tears. Expect me to finish it in like 30 years haha.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
I'm in control
I thought about everything I did, and it only boils down to not understanding the sarcasm. Why doesn't she laugh at my me love you long time attempts? My heart beats don't funny her? And then there's my honest emails. That weren't really honest, more like sucking up. She thinks my honest emails are BS, and the ones she thinks is honest, I BS on purpose.
I wonder what the hell is she thinking. Her personality is so intriguing and mysterious. She's so happy and inviting, she looks like she has a few friends, and she's so picky. Opposites attract, and I'm the Jas-anion. I can't help but laugh at the misunderstanding. One things for sure, I genuinely love her but I don't want to harm her. The only questions in my mind... what should I say to her? What do I do to her? I can't say I love her, she'll get annoyed. If I talk to her, she'll get bored. I have to come up with another argument? And then she'll leave me, and I'll give that other BS note. But those BS notes are borderline true. I actually cry writing them. And actually I don't cry, I just get teary eyed.
So fucking irrasistablement. I keep changing my opinions on things, but I just can't seem to do or follow them. Whatever, as long as I know I'm doing something right. I am in control after all. Whatever I'm feeling is whatever, and if I make a mistake, I'll fix it somehow.
I want to come up with a hypocrite quote.
Just found a good one:
Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Maybe that's why I like being alone.
Anyways, she gets so mad at me, so she must really like me! When I said I moved on, she got mad. KEKEKEKE. Funny. But she doesn't really want to talk to me... maybe that's coz she already knows I'm so into her? These are questions I CAN'T ASK. Everything's my fault though, and if I see a girl I like, I'm sorry but I'll be gone for sure.
I wonder what the hell is she thinking. Her personality is so intriguing and mysterious. She's so happy and inviting, she looks like she has a few friends, and she's so picky. Opposites attract, and I'm the Jas-anion. I can't help but laugh at the misunderstanding. One things for sure, I genuinely love her but I don't want to harm her. The only questions in my mind... what should I say to her? What do I do to her? I can't say I love her, she'll get annoyed. If I talk to her, she'll get bored. I have to come up with another argument? And then she'll leave me, and I'll give that other BS note. But those BS notes are borderline true. I actually cry writing them. And actually I don't cry, I just get teary eyed.
So fucking irrasistablement. I keep changing my opinions on things, but I just can't seem to do or follow them. Whatever, as long as I know I'm doing something right. I am in control after all. Whatever I'm feeling is whatever, and if I make a mistake, I'll fix it somehow.
I want to come up with a hypocrite quote.
Just found a good one:
Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. Ralph Waldo Emerson
Maybe that's why I like being alone.
Anyways, she gets so mad at me, so she must really like me! When I said I moved on, she got mad. KEKEKEKE. Funny. But she doesn't really want to talk to me... maybe that's coz she already knows I'm so into her? These are questions I CAN'T ASK. Everything's my fault though, and if I see a girl I like, I'm sorry but I'll be gone for sure.
Monday, February 1, 2010
goodbye again.
Thank you.
For the escape out of this cruel reality.
For the times you made my heart ascend to the heaven in heaven.
For making me find an identity.
For the comfort.
For making me rediscover true pain.
For making me experience different personalities.
For giving me a reason to smile when I start my day.
Sorry.
For being so rude.
For not listening.
For making you frustrated.
For whatever I did not do.
For whatever I did do.
For being what you don’t like.
For that it had to be you.
Thank you for being you,
and I'm sorry for being me.
I want to say this to you, but you told me not to say I love you. I'll save it for when we are as close as strangers are.
For the escape out of this cruel reality.
For the times you made my heart ascend to the heaven in heaven.
For making me find an identity.
For the comfort.
For making me rediscover true pain.
For making me experience different personalities.
For giving me a reason to smile when I start my day.
Sorry.
For being so rude.
For not listening.
For making you frustrated.
For whatever I did not do.
For whatever I did do.
For being what you don’t like.
For that it had to be you.
Thank you for being you,
and I'm sorry for being me.
I want to say this to you, but you told me not to say I love you. I'll save it for when we are as close as strangers are.
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