I'm in control

I thought about everything I did, and it only boils down to not understanding the sarcasm.  Why doesn't she laugh at my me love you long time attempts?  My heart beats don't funny her?  And then there's my honest emails.  That weren't really honest, more like sucking up.  She thinks my honest emails are BS, and the ones she thinks is honest, I BS on purpose.

I wonder what the hell is she thinking.  Her personality is so intriguing and mysterious.  She's so happy and inviting, she looks like she has a few friends, and she's so picky.  Opposites attract, and I'm the Jas-anion.  I can't help but laugh at the misunderstanding.  One things for sure, I genuinely love her but I don't want to harm her.  The only questions in my mind... what should I say to her?  What do I do to her?  I can't say I love her, she'll get annoyed.  If I talk to her, she'll get bored.  I have to come up with another argument?  And then she'll leave me, and I'll give that other BS note.   But those BS notes are borderline true.  I actually cry writing them.  And actually I don't cry, I just get teary eyed.

So fucking irrasistablement.  I keep changing my opinions on things, but I just can't seem to do or follow them.  Whatever, as long as I know I'm doing something right.  I am in control after all.  Whatever I'm feeling is whatever, and if I make a mistake, I'll fix it somehow.

I want to come up with a hypocrite quote.

Just found a good one:

Every man alone is sincere. At the entrance of a second person, hypocrisy begins. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maybe that's why I like being alone.

Anyways, she gets so mad at me, so she must really like me!  When I said I moved on, she got mad.  KEKEKEKE.  Funny. But she doesn't really want to talk to me... maybe that's coz she already knows I'm so into her?  These are questions I CAN'T ASK.  Everything's my fault though, and if I see a girl I like, I'm sorry but I'll be gone for sure.