My external appearance. In short. Because you keep hearing about my inner self.
With people I am close to, I talk all silly and happy, because they make me happy. And I'm nice, I never say mean things too, because people don't like mean things. I smile, and I laugh a lot until you start laughing. I talk really nerdy too, with lots of sarcasm, but sometimes its so obvious and true, but I like talking like that anyways because its funny. And even if its funny, I really do feel that way too. eg. I MISS YOU!!! I have a lot of inside jokes with them, and jokes from past things. I'm really random. I'd say, it's advanced random humor that you have to really know me to get, and laugh. And you have to humor me back, like make a straight face (shows that what I said isn't funny), and slap me, but don't actually hit me. Or just roll your eyes. But smile please. And I don't say bad words (fuck, shit, damn, tits, ass, dick, cock, bitch). I guess I'm too shy to say bad words. But I say them when a friend tells me to. And I'm only close to a few, like four people. Or three. Actually, five. Also, when I talk, I move a lot. Not with my hands, but with my body. Its funny. I find beats in words. I know, I'm weird like that. But girls like it hahah. I like being seen like this the most.
With people who I just know, and I'm hanging out with them, I just stay quiet, because I'm shy. I'm not doing that because I think you suck, I'm just shy dammit! Bring out a karaoke machine or game to make me talk! But in games, like basketball, I don't talk. I'm not shy when I talk to my girl friends though. I have three of them, who talk to me about their relationship problems and problems in life. I like how they come to me, it makes me feel important. I don't like it when I don't know what to say, or when they can't tell that I'm trying to be funny. But I be funny to cheer them up, because I know it sucks feeling sad, and you can't avoid and prevent being sad most of the time.
With strangers, and when I'm walking in the town streets and shit, I walk fast, really fast like I have my shit together fast, straight cool looking posture, of course I'm dressed nicely, color coordinating but not matching, usually with my Diesel Jeans, I wear them almost everywhere coz they look nice, they go with everything and they're comfy. I have a serious face on, but I'm not frowning, like a determination face. I know my eyes look cool though, until someone days hi to me, and I start smiling at them and they think I'm so happy to see them, and my eyes get chinky and they say I'm cute. Everyone who sees me thinks I have my shit together, I think, and I guess I do sometimes, but its not always true, I'm deep, I just know I am! And I help old ladies carry big furniture or whatever to their car. I just feel really cool looking when I'm out with strangers around. But no, I don't stand out! I'm quiet, and subtle, and I like it. I like surprising people with my character.
I like wearing hoodies and track jackets. T-shirts over the summer. I also have ear phones on most of the time I'm out, listening to my music from my DS.
I'd say I look good. I looked better when I was younger though, or maybe that's because girls were more shallow when they were younger. I remember three girls had a crush on me, 6th grade. It started to decline the more they found out I was a loner though, and girls just stopped liking me in school when I was a Sophomore (that I know of). And when I was a Sophomore, I was hella emo and shit, but I fell in love my Junior year, which brought me back, and I'll save those memories for another entry. When I went to the Philippines, most of the people were like, you can become an actor. I'm like, wtf! okay... so yeah, I guess I look good. Oh yeah, and when I was younger, like five or eight or something, my cousins and aunties and uncles thought I would grow up to be a playboy.
I'm not shallow, but I have a tendancy to say shallow things. Actually, I guess I am shallow at the start when I see someone. At heart, I'm not, I love people, and I know everyone is going through tough times, but damn my family is hella fucking shallow, so I guess I get it from them.
I tend to avoid people for a long period of time. I just like being alone. And when I don't feel like being alone, I talk to them again. I'm not mean or anything, I try to be nice, but I like being alone. Its hard. There are some people who I want to be with forever, even when I want to be alone though, because I feel like she's a part of me that I need, and I really really miss her, even though she does not really know me, I know that I need her, and she gives me what I want in a friendship, and I really miss her because she's always away in orange.
I don't talk much about my inner self either, unless my friends ask I guess, if they directly ask me for my opinion. I like looking mysterious, and maybe I don't even know much about myself. Or maybe I'm just embarrassed because I think the things I do are negative in a shallow person's perspective. I shouldn't care about shallow people, but I do, because their opinion will make me sad, and I don't like feeling sad either. Learning about myself is also a reason why I write in a blog like this. I want to know what other people think, of the inner me, and I want other people to know about the inner me, especially my friends.
Hella rushed post, because I'm hella writing on thought. And I don't even say hella IRL.
And now I'm off to play Ar Tonelico 2!
mood: whatevs
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
talking. shy/quiet people pride!
I dislike having two entries in one day, so maybe when I'm done with this, I'll edit my new years resolutions post to be on January 1st, 2010.
I don't know why I'm not good at talking, and I think back to when I did talk a lot... and as I remember it, I don't talk much. People know I don't talk much. I'm more of an action kind of person, who does stuff, and who says random things. When I talk, I want to make people smile. I want them to do something. I want to say something useful. I don't like sounding like a whiny person. And when I do say stuff like that, its probably because there's an awkward silence, and I really don't know what to say, or what's appropriate to say. Edit later. This will be really long lol (note to self: past, talking quiet, getting what I want w/o talking, talking awkward feeling good not saying anything, what I did talk about, reason-questioning- pride, attention, thoughts and saying words-tho not agreeing=hypocrite?, now sexy silence, what if they like the silence and being silent isn't who I am, be myself show myself pros and cons, it'll be hard to open up... sorta like my outline. Too lazy to write anything coz I'm feeling tired and sleepy ugh but I want to!)
Wow, long outline. I keep going to bed, and then thinking about this, and then going back and editing to put stuff so I'll remember it so I won't forget later.
mood: lethargic
I don't know why I'm not good at talking, and I think back to when I did talk a lot... and as I remember it, I don't talk much. People know I don't talk much. I'm more of an action kind of person, who does stuff, and who says random things. When I talk, I want to make people smile. I want them to do something. I want to say something useful. I don't like sounding like a whiny person. And when I do say stuff like that, its probably because there's an awkward silence, and I really don't know what to say, or what's appropriate to say. Edit later. This will be really long lol (note to self: past, talking quiet, getting what I want w/o talking, talking awkward feeling good not saying anything, what I did talk about, reason-questioning- pride, attention, thoughts and saying words-tho not agreeing=hypocrite?, now sexy silence, what if they like the silence and being silent isn't who I am, be myself show myself pros and cons, it'll be hard to open up... sorta like my outline. Too lazy to write anything coz I'm feeling tired and sleepy ugh but I want to!)
Wow, long outline. I keep going to bed, and then thinking about this, and then going back and editing to put stuff so I'll remember it so I won't forget later.
mood: lethargic
Monday, December 28, 2009
2010 new years resolutions
Because I really need them. And I really need to do them.
- Eat slower
- Study for at least one hour right after lunch no matter what, no matter how tempting guessing will be, no matter what drama is going on in my life, no matter what my heart is telling me.
- Push myself to do what I want to do, little by little.
- Answer phone calls, no matter what I'm doing, if its a friend, I'll answer it.
- Video games after homework and after the one hour of study. Only on weekends.
- Actually, three DDR songs a day. I need to be in shape. Either that, or ballin'.
I think this is enough. Too much will make me not want to do any of them. If I get lower than an A in Chem or Micro, I'll apply to be Certified Nursing Assisstant.
mood: determined
- Eat slower
- Study for at least one hour right after lunch no matter what, no matter how tempting guessing will be, no matter what drama is going on in my life, no matter what my heart is telling me.
- Push myself to do what I want to do, little by little.
- Answer phone calls, no matter what I'm doing, if its a friend, I'll answer it.
- Video games after homework and after the one hour of study. Only on weekends.
- Actually, three DDR songs a day. I need to be in shape. Either that, or ballin'.
I think this is enough. Too much will make me not want to do any of them. If I get lower than an A in Chem or Micro, I'll apply to be Certified Nursing Assisstant.
mood: determined
Saturday, December 26, 2009
what to do
I don't know if I'm either shy or lazy. There are things I have to do, but I don't do them. Maybe its neither. Maybe I really am shy and lazy. Or maybe just deep down, I just don't care at the time. I don't know, its probably John Stuart Mill's Philosophy. Those things I would do would only benefit me, but hurting my parents and my brother. My parents provide shelter, food, and all the moneys. If I go out, I'd spend their gas money, car time, in addition to more money, since I don't work.
And I'm not doing and concentrating what I should be doing.
My mom asked me what this Philosophy class is about. I said it's about the meaning of life (though there's more to it, I don't like talking long). She says, the meaning of life is to get an education, and study! I wish I had a mind like her's, sometimes. So I can just do stuff without feeling anything. What I should be doing, and what they want me to be doing, is finding out what I want to be, and studying. They want to see me studying. Though I did pass all my classes. I know, and they know, I can do better.
I don't like studying. Because I already learned what I wanted to in class. I remember the things that I actually want to remember. When I get home, I have the things I wanted to know in my head already. I don't like studying the things I learned already in class. But I guess... "I have no choice." (Armored Commercial 0:20).
So what I have to do, is study so that they see it, make them happy, get a job, and by doing that, I can "unshy and unlazy" myself. But what to study. I know I can't pick a random thing. Or maybe I should just join the workforce. Or go with the default choice, Nursing, force myself into motivation. And fail. Yup yup yup. Push myself to this, and nothing else. So I can live. But by the time I'm done with that, I might be old, and can't do the fun things that I wanted to learn and experience while I'm young.
Oh yeah, there's time management. Ooops. Just have to make sure I study though. I can do this!
Keep my eye on the prize, I know what happens when I don't... feeling like this, and then writing about it. ... which actually isn't that bad.
I'll think of the stuff I do when I'm not studying. That is, refreshing pages, looking up random stuff, cleaning my room to be cleaner than clean, admiring how beautiful things are set up in my room are... I should just study. I want school to start now! But what if I'm away from my computer and... alsdjf;ljsd! I should stop. Seriously stop. This is making me look crazy. Or maybe I am crazy. Okay, I'll stop. Now.
mood: determined, confused
And I'm not doing and concentrating what I should be doing.
My mom asked me what this Philosophy class is about. I said it's about the meaning of life (though there's more to it, I don't like talking long). She says, the meaning of life is to get an education, and study! I wish I had a mind like her's, sometimes. So I can just do stuff without feeling anything. What I should be doing, and what they want me to be doing, is finding out what I want to be, and studying. They want to see me studying. Though I did pass all my classes. I know, and they know, I can do better.
I don't like studying. Because I already learned what I wanted to in class. I remember the things that I actually want to remember. When I get home, I have the things I wanted to know in my head already. I don't like studying the things I learned already in class. But I guess... "I have no choice." (Armored Commercial 0:20).
So what I have to do, is study so that they see it, make them happy, get a job, and by doing that, I can "unshy and unlazy" myself. But what to study. I know I can't pick a random thing. Or maybe I should just join the workforce. Or go with the default choice, Nursing, force myself into motivation. And fail. Yup yup yup. Push myself to this, and nothing else. So I can live. But by the time I'm done with that, I might be old, and can't do the fun things that I wanted to learn and experience while I'm young.
Oh yeah, there's time management. Ooops. Just have to make sure I study though. I can do this!
Keep my eye on the prize, I know what happens when I don't... feeling like this, and then writing about it. ... which actually isn't that bad.
I'll think of the stuff I do when I'm not studying. That is, refreshing pages, looking up random stuff, cleaning my room to be cleaner than clean, admiring how beautiful things are set up in my room are... I should just study. I want school to start now! But what if I'm away from my computer and... alsdjf;ljsd! I should stop. Seriously stop. This is making me look crazy. Or maybe I am crazy. Okay, I'll stop. Now.
mood: determined, confused
Friday, December 25, 2009
Writing
How ironic, that when I was a little kid, around the age of seven, I was worried about how I would approach the one, how I would have to write a love letter to her.
I was always worried about how my future would end up. My dad said he wrote a love letter to my mom. I was always worried about the approach, because I was shy, and quiet, and I am still shy and quiet as of now if its a free for all. I only talk when I'm forced to or when I'm truly comfortable.
You know how shy I am? I don't pick up phone calls. I don't go up to the cashier to pay for burgers. I don't ask for anything. I don't drive anywhere. I don't ask my friends out. I don't ask for help. I don't enroll in classes that I really want to attend. But that's not the point, though I will push myself so this shyness will be cured. Or I could be lazy. Or I just don't care. Anyways.
I would think to myself, that she will come to me. Being cool, smart, athletic (only in basketball), nice, and handsome, I never thought that I would be going after her. I was always scared of the thought, and when I have to write a love letter. I thought, Do I really have to write something like that in the future? I remember thinking that exact question too. I was in my dad's room, looking for my Pogs when I came across his old letter.
And now that I'm older, all I want to write... is writing about love.
I love loving you
so I'll keep on loving you
because loving you is the logical thing for me to do
and I love you
and you're okay with me loving you
so I'll love love love love you.
I love you so much.
I know I'm not ready to love you, but I love you anyways. I'll do my best to find out who I am. You're my motivation for life. I don't care if you love me back. I'm sorry, I can't talk. I don't know how. I just can't. I won't pretend that I am strong. I'm really pathetic. And I feel like the girl in this. Maybe later when I grow more. I'm really weak. Please don't think I'm creepy. I think... I know I really love you. You won't break my heart anymore. Please remember that. I'm okay with whatever you do for now on, because I'm trying to be strong. I love you. And I'll be here. Thank you, and sorry. I'll be working on this, being stronger, as my apology. I've been told that girls like confidence. But I know in my heart, that I'm just not confident. I can't pretend. Especially to you. I love you. And I'm just being honest. My exterior appearance is completely different by the way, just saying. I act on impulse a lot, and I would've kissed you to keep you from saying those mean things to me. I love you. When you say mean things to me, I love you, maybe even more than before you say those mean things. I love you. When you talk to me, when you criticize me, I feel like a better person afterwords. I love you. In my heart, I know I won't be quiet and shy when I meet you face to face. I love you. When we separate, when you're a friend, or a lover, I love you. Thank you so much for letting me love you, even though I love you, thank you for being you. I love you. And I only meant to write out the first seven lines here, but I ended up typing a paragraph. I'll do my best, to become someone, a stronger person that can be liked and that can encourage, motivate, and protect, thinking of you.
I was always worried about how my future would end up. My dad said he wrote a love letter to my mom. I was always worried about the approach, because I was shy, and quiet, and I am still shy and quiet as of now if its a free for all. I only talk when I'm forced to or when I'm truly comfortable.
You know how shy I am? I don't pick up phone calls. I don't go up to the cashier to pay for burgers. I don't ask for anything. I don't drive anywhere. I don't ask my friends out. I don't ask for help. I don't enroll in classes that I really want to attend. But that's not the point, though I will push myself so this shyness will be cured. Or I could be lazy. Or I just don't care. Anyways.
I would think to myself, that she will come to me. Being cool, smart, athletic (only in basketball), nice, and handsome, I never thought that I would be going after her. I was always scared of the thought, and when I have to write a love letter. I thought, Do I really have to write something like that in the future? I remember thinking that exact question too. I was in my dad's room, looking for my Pogs when I came across his old letter.
And now that I'm older, all I want to write... is writing about love.
I love loving you
so I'll keep on loving you
because loving you is the logical thing for me to do
and I love you
and you're okay with me loving you
so I'll love love love love you.
I love you so much.
I know I'm not ready to love you, but I love you anyways. I'll do my best to find out who I am. You're my motivation for life. I don't care if you love me back. I'm sorry, I can't talk. I don't know how. I just can't. I won't pretend that I am strong. I'm really pathetic. And I feel like the girl in this. Maybe later when I grow more. I'm really weak. Please don't think I'm creepy. I think... I know I really love you. You won't break my heart anymore. Please remember that. I'm okay with whatever you do for now on, because I'm trying to be strong. I love you. And I'll be here. Thank you, and sorry. I'll be working on this, being stronger, as my apology. I've been told that girls like confidence. But I know in my heart, that I'm just not confident. I can't pretend. Especially to you. I love you. And I'm just being honest. My exterior appearance is completely different by the way, just saying. I act on impulse a lot, and I would've kissed you to keep you from saying those mean things to me. I love you. When you say mean things to me, I love you, maybe even more than before you say those mean things. I love you. When you talk to me, when you criticize me, I feel like a better person afterwords. I love you. In my heart, I know I won't be quiet and shy when I meet you face to face. I love you. When we separate, when you're a friend, or a lover, I love you. Thank you so much for letting me love you, even though I love you, thank you for being you. I love you. And I only meant to write out the first seven lines here, but I ended up typing a paragraph. I'll do my best, to become someone, a stronger person that can be liked and that can encourage, motivate, and protect, thinking of you.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Hazaah!
SPAIN! HAZAAH! CAKEPLZ!! BOOBIES!! ELEVATOR ELEVATOR! FOUR OF A KIND. TAEYOUNG!
Just got back from Vegas, and I have to say, I really needed this trip. I needed the darkness, and the music for 12 hours on the road. I needed the time spent with family. I needed to feel that feeling that rekindled my soul. I needed that time to think things through. And holy shit! What have I been doing this past semester. I can't believe I lost focus on what's important. I was entranced by that feeling. I lost sight of what I do, and my goals. I became too dependent on other people. I'll push myself to the limits from now on, I'll do what my mind tells me to do and not my heart. I'll read, I'll exercise, I'll listen, I'll watch, I'll dream, I'll talk, I'll work, I'll organize, and I'll blog. I'll push myself into patience. I'll push myself in what I do good... working fast and efficiently. I need more experience to hone these skills, and that's what I'll push myself to do.
Okay, no more heart fulfilling Final Fantasy shit. LAS VEGAS.
Sunday morning, I lost patience with my mom again. She kept telling me to hurry up when I was pooing. I CAN'T HURRY UP POO. So I finished without finishing everything, and I still had to wait for my mom to finish packing! And then we get in the car, and my bro forgot to bring the backpack, so I had to go back in the house, got really mad, shut the door really hard and shit, dropped my DS on the concrete, picked it up, shut the house door really hard, and got the backpack, closed the door really hard, my bro asked me what's wrong, I told him YOU, he starts crying, my dad goes back to comfort him, my mom gets into an argument that ends with her telling me to kill myself. I break down and cry and blah blah blah. Good thing my dad is calm and shit and helped our family get through. We were supposed to leave the house at 3 am but ended up leaving 8 am. Oh well, if that was hard to read, no worries, it's not important, because it's resolved. Our inner individual problems are resolved too, so it's okay! We're fine.
We stopped by Jack in the Box around 12 pm, and wow, the cheeseburgers were only a dollar, which tasted like Jumbo Jacks! It was big and everything. We ate in the restaurant, took pictures, drank soda, it was good. I wish our Jack in the Box in Hercules had dollar Jumbo Jack burgers.
Arrived in Excalibur around 6pm I think, or was it 7... I forgot, there was an accident that left us on the same spot on the road for like an hour plus. Slept, watched School of Rock somehow while sleeping... and woke up to Krispy Kreme!
At around 11, we ate lunch at Pinoy Pinay. A Filipino restaurant. My mom, bro, and dad liked it I think, I didn't, it tastes like the food my mom cooks so I wasn't excited to eat any of it. And this is where I say WTF. Ronald, his gf Janice, Chris's gf Monica, Cheryl's bf Joel, Karen, and Karen's husband Jon, were not there! WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS. And we were all over the place. Auntie Nancy was at Luxor, the Alivios were at Luxor, Daniel and his fiancee Dianne were at Mandalay Bay, the Caluyas were at Paris Paris, and Bryan and his bf Gordon were at some other far place too! WE WERE ALL SPREAD OUT JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE GOT FREE ROOMS OR BETTER DEALS. Oh well, at least some people came. Bryan gave us all moving lighting up Santa hats, my mom says mine moves like an erecting penis. After that, went to other places, shopped for some Pandesal, visited my mom's auntie, bought a $200 Karaoke thingie.
At night, we saw two shows. Tournament of Kings, and Fantasy. Tournament of Kings was a dinner show at Excalibur, it was fun, but my stomach felt full. I didn't finish my dragon's blood which tasted like Spaghetti O's without the Spaghetti O's, or that small chicken. And Broccoli. I kept drinking soda though, I had like two glasses. The show itself was alright, our Spain lost though. He got knocked out in one hit. I would see the show again though, I like the atmosphere. But it was friggin $75 for these two tickets. After the show, we walked around. Excalibur has a Midway. I didn't know that... or I didn't remember that. Rating for Tournament of Kings: Yeay!
After this show, we walked around again. The guessing psychic Jester guessed Gordon's age to be 29, when he's 42. Then we walked walked walked, picture!, walked, walked... I went to see Daniel's and Dianne's room, and holy shit it was nice, they had their own jacuzzi, big windows for a big view, and a friggin living room. AND a four chair dining table. FOR ONLY 25 BUCKS.
Fantasy is an 18+ show in Luxor with women dancing topless. OH YEAH, I WAS JUST FOLLOWING MY COUSINS, I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THIS SHOW THOUGH JUST TO LET YOU KNOW. I thought lots of perverted weird looking guys would be watching, it turns out normal people were there! Old couples, young couples, just regular people, and girls. So after seeing them, I didn't feel so weird. It was me, my bro, Chris, Daniel, and Dianne that went to see this, while Bryan, Gordon and Auntie Nancy went to see the Thunder From Down Under which I think is the gay version of this. I think it looked weird to see girls showing off their boobs WITH their panties on. JUST TAKE OFF EVERYTHING. It was like they're men. The dancing wasn't all that great. We sat in the back unfortunately, and I wasn't wearing my glasses. But I STILL SAW IRL BOOBIES FOR THE FIRST TIME. I was scared at first, because I didn't know what my reaction would be, I have a really high sex drive so I thought I would be hyperventilating or shaking or whatever, but it turns out, I didn't. Although throughout the performance I was like stay cool stay cool to myself. Even porn's better and sometimes I don't even watch it for pleasure, I watch it to study the techniques and shit for when the time comes so I won't feel like a noob. Maybe its because I'm just not physically attracted to those types of girls, only one that I found attractive was Lindsay, because of her face and hair really complements each other... though her boobs were small, spread apart, and it went flat when she laid down compared to the others. I just wasn't turned on as much as I thought I should have been, though I did had a boner, which didn't hold out too long. The music during the show was good, I felt like swaying left and right to those heavy bass beats, but the audience was damn weak, they didn't do anything, it was like they're watching a regular Shakespeare play on stage. I wanted to clap, move my head, and shit, but whatevs. The comedian in the middle of the show was good too, forgot his name, but his comedy was more entertaining than the boobies. Overall rating for this show: ugh.
Then we went back to our rooms, Chris gave me his watch, then me and my bro played cards with Chris until like 3 am, and went to sleep.
Morning, we got ready, walked around, took off, got lost in the desert for a couple of hours, and finally arrived home at 1am.
Edit: I like it when my heart and mind are working as one.
Just got back from Vegas, and I have to say, I really needed this trip. I needed the darkness, and the music for 12 hours on the road. I needed the time spent with family. I needed to feel that feeling that rekindled my soul. I needed that time to think things through. And holy shit! What have I been doing this past semester. I can't believe I lost focus on what's important. I was entranced by that feeling. I lost sight of what I do, and my goals. I became too dependent on other people. I'll push myself to the limits from now on, I'll do what my mind tells me to do and not my heart. I'll read, I'll exercise, I'll listen, I'll watch, I'll dream, I'll talk, I'll work, I'll organize, and I'll blog. I'll push myself into patience. I'll push myself in what I do good... working fast and efficiently. I need more experience to hone these skills, and that's what I'll push myself to do.
Okay, no more heart fulfilling Final Fantasy shit. LAS VEGAS.
Sunday morning, I lost patience with my mom again. She kept telling me to hurry up when I was pooing. I CAN'T HURRY UP POO. So I finished without finishing everything, and I still had to wait for my mom to finish packing! And then we get in the car, and my bro forgot to bring the backpack, so I had to go back in the house, got really mad, shut the door really hard and shit, dropped my DS on the concrete, picked it up, shut the house door really hard, and got the backpack, closed the door really hard, my bro asked me what's wrong, I told him YOU, he starts crying, my dad goes back to comfort him, my mom gets into an argument that ends with her telling me to kill myself. I break down and cry and blah blah blah. Good thing my dad is calm and shit and helped our family get through. We were supposed to leave the house at 3 am but ended up leaving 8 am. Oh well, if that was hard to read, no worries, it's not important, because it's resolved. Our inner individual problems are resolved too, so it's okay! We're fine.
We stopped by Jack in the Box around 12 pm, and wow, the cheeseburgers were only a dollar, which tasted like Jumbo Jacks! It was big and everything. We ate in the restaurant, took pictures, drank soda, it was good. I wish our Jack in the Box in Hercules had dollar Jumbo Jack burgers.
Arrived in Excalibur around 6pm I think, or was it 7... I forgot, there was an accident that left us on the same spot on the road for like an hour plus. Slept, watched School of Rock somehow while sleeping... and woke up to Krispy Kreme!
At around 11, we ate lunch at Pinoy Pinay. A Filipino restaurant. My mom, bro, and dad liked it I think, I didn't, it tastes like the food my mom cooks so I wasn't excited to eat any of it. And this is where I say WTF. Ronald, his gf Janice, Chris's gf Monica, Cheryl's bf Joel, Karen, and Karen's husband Jon, were not there! WHAT KIND OF CHRISTMAS IS THIS. And we were all over the place. Auntie Nancy was at Luxor, the Alivios were at Luxor, Daniel and his fiancee Dianne were at Mandalay Bay, the Caluyas were at Paris Paris, and Bryan and his bf Gordon were at some other far place too! WE WERE ALL SPREAD OUT JUST BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE GOT FREE ROOMS OR BETTER DEALS. Oh well, at least some people came. Bryan gave us all moving lighting up Santa hats, my mom says mine moves like an erecting penis. After that, went to other places, shopped for some Pandesal, visited my mom's auntie, bought a $200 Karaoke thingie.
At night, we saw two shows. Tournament of Kings, and Fantasy. Tournament of Kings was a dinner show at Excalibur, it was fun, but my stomach felt full. I didn't finish my dragon's blood which tasted like Spaghetti O's without the Spaghetti O's, or that small chicken. And Broccoli. I kept drinking soda though, I had like two glasses. The show itself was alright, our Spain lost though. He got knocked out in one hit. I would see the show again though, I like the atmosphere. But it was friggin $75 for these two tickets. After the show, we walked around. Excalibur has a Midway. I didn't know that... or I didn't remember that. Rating for Tournament of Kings: Yeay!
After this show, we walked around again. The guessing psychic Jester guessed Gordon's age to be 29, when he's 42. Then we walked walked walked, picture!, walked, walked... I went to see Daniel's and Dianne's room, and holy shit it was nice, they had their own jacuzzi, big windows for a big view, and a friggin living room. AND a four chair dining table. FOR ONLY 25 BUCKS.
Fantasy is an 18+ show in Luxor with women dancing topless. OH YEAH, I WAS JUST FOLLOWING MY COUSINS, I DID NOT WANT TO SEE THIS SHOW THOUGH JUST TO LET YOU KNOW. I thought lots of perverted weird looking guys would be watching, it turns out normal people were there! Old couples, young couples, just regular people, and girls. So after seeing them, I didn't feel so weird. It was me, my bro, Chris, Daniel, and Dianne that went to see this, while Bryan, Gordon and Auntie Nancy went to see the Thunder From Down Under which I think is the gay version of this. I think it looked weird to see girls showing off their boobs WITH their panties on. JUST TAKE OFF EVERYTHING. It was like they're men. The dancing wasn't all that great. We sat in the back unfortunately, and I wasn't wearing my glasses. But I STILL SAW IRL BOOBIES FOR THE FIRST TIME. I was scared at first, because I didn't know what my reaction would be, I have a really high sex drive so I thought I would be hyperventilating or shaking or whatever, but it turns out, I didn't. Although throughout the performance I was like stay cool stay cool to myself. Even porn's better and sometimes I don't even watch it for pleasure, I watch it to study the techniques and shit for when the time comes so I won't feel like a noob. Maybe its because I'm just not physically attracted to those types of girls, only one that I found attractive was Lindsay, because of her face and hair really complements each other... though her boobs were small, spread apart, and it went flat when she laid down compared to the others. I just wasn't turned on as much as I thought I should have been, though I did had a boner, which didn't hold out too long. The music during the show was good, I felt like swaying left and right to those heavy bass beats, but the audience was damn weak, they didn't do anything, it was like they're watching a regular Shakespeare play on stage. I wanted to clap, move my head, and shit, but whatevs. The comedian in the middle of the show was good too, forgot his name, but his comedy was more entertaining than the boobies. Overall rating for this show: ugh.
Then we went back to our rooms, Chris gave me his watch, then me and my bro played cards with Chris until like 3 am, and went to sleep.
Morning, we got ready, walked around, took off, got lost in the desert for a couple of hours, and finally arrived home at 1am.
Edit: I like it when my heart and mind are working as one.
Friday, December 18, 2009
Music On.
Updated, and remixed.
Goodbye my Heart
Without a Heart
Day by Day
Wedding Dress
Where U at
Moving to the music. On repeat.
Because I suck at conversing. These are my thoughts right now after 36 hours.
No more sucking up, I'll be real. I'll speak my raging hellhole I call my mind. Actually, its not that raging. There’s a few rainbows… Charmanders playing tag… a few Charizards flying around, and a few Magmars… yes, no fucking water Pokemon can counter attack this shit.
I've experienced it before, so I can move on quickly. Taking it up with strength and not pity (it rhymes!).
I read, watch, and listen to a lot of shit. Not random shit, but shit that strengthens me. And shit that makes me think about myself. I don't talk to anyone. I do this shit, and figure shit out on my own. I know if I talk to someone about it, I'll follow what they say, and it won't be my shit anymore. It's my problem. I'm only burdening the ones who suffered with my actions, and no one else should be involved. So hell yeah, this is making me feel better and confident about myself.
I can accept that unacception this time. I didn't feel it the first time because I knew you didn't know me. And you said you weren't going to marry him. I don't know anything about your relationship at all. Sorry for being inconsiderate. I did all I can for myself.
I'm not one of those wimpy bitches that stay with you only for the love that satisfies themselves, and can't face the consequences. Some fuckers hold on to their love to prove that their feelings are true, but what the hell is the point if its unappreciative and annoying as a fucking ass tit.
I'm not sad. My future plans are ruined, but I'm not sad. I look back to see what I've done, and I cry, but I'm not sad. I look back and cry when I see myself and what I have been through, but I'm not sad. But I have to say, I didn't love you just because you made me happy. I love you because you are you. I fell for you because you were you. I didn't think, I fell. Nothing was your fault.
I pressured those feelings out of my heart, and tucked it cozily into a random artery. An oxygenated artery!
Just sayin, Supah Saiyan.
Goodbye my Heart
Without a Heart
Day by Day
Wedding Dress
Where U at
Moving to the music. On repeat.
Because I suck at conversing. These are my thoughts right now after 36 hours.
No more sucking up, I'll be real. I'll speak my raging hellhole I call my mind. Actually, its not that raging. There’s a few rainbows… Charmanders playing tag… a few Charizards flying around, and a few Magmars… yes, no fucking water Pokemon can counter attack this shit.
I've experienced it before, so I can move on quickly. Taking it up with strength and not pity (it rhymes!).
I read, watch, and listen to a lot of shit. Not random shit, but shit that strengthens me. And shit that makes me think about myself. I don't talk to anyone. I do this shit, and figure shit out on my own. I know if I talk to someone about it, I'll follow what they say, and it won't be my shit anymore. It's my problem. I'm only burdening the ones who suffered with my actions, and no one else should be involved. So hell yeah, this is making me feel better and confident about myself.
I can accept that unacception this time. I didn't feel it the first time because I knew you didn't know me. And you said you weren't going to marry him. I don't know anything about your relationship at all. Sorry for being inconsiderate. I did all I can for myself.
I'm not one of those wimpy bitches that stay with you only for the love that satisfies themselves, and can't face the consequences. Some fuckers hold on to their love to prove that their feelings are true, but what the hell is the point if its unappreciative and annoying as a fucking ass tit.
I'm not sad. My future plans are ruined, but I'm not sad. I look back to see what I've done, and I cry, but I'm not sad. I look back and cry when I see myself and what I have been through, but I'm not sad. But I have to say, I didn't love you just because you made me happy. I love you because you are you. I fell for you because you were you. I didn't think, I fell. Nothing was your fault.
I pressured those feelings out of my heart, and tucked it cozily into a random artery. An oxygenated artery!
Just sayin, Supah Saiyan.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
What the Class is About
Philosophy, Ethics. She sits right in front of me. She looks like she's around her upper 20s. She's big, and takes up the entire space between the chair and the desk. She gets up at random times during the class, walks out the door and comes back in.
People laugh at her stupidity.
Fifty percent is a C, right?
She's being serious.
When she has something to say, people laugh because it's stupid, and she's serious.
With a look, you can tell she's unhappy as a whole with her life.
And based on what she says, she is unhappy, due to broken relationships.
This is in Richmond, California. High crime rate, high death rate, poverty, and the like.
It was our Final today.
After siting down on my seat, a pitiful kid from behind walked up to me and asked me if I had an extra Blue Book for the Final. I told him sorry, I only have one. He went to different people as they walked into class, asking for a Blue Book.
The big lady walks in. She tries to sit on her seat, unconsciously pushing another desk out the way as she tries to fit in it. The boy asks her for a Blue Book.
If she says no, I'm giving him a dollar.
She says she only has one. But after that, she answers for him, you don't have any money? He says he doesn't. And then she asks him if he wants her to go down to the bookstore and buy one for him. He says yeah. And she journeys down to the bookstore.
Our class is at the highest building, its the furthest from the bookstore. It was raining, she's fat, and she'll be late to class. There's like fifty steps she has to walk. And she's fat. She can't hardly walk. And its raining. And its really far.
Class starts, she comes in late, everyone looks annoyed, especially the professor, and then she gives the boy the Blue Book, quite quickly. It seems like no one saw the good she just did.
She asks the teacher if she can go out to get Kleenex from the bathroom and he says no. And then she asks the class if any of us has any Kleenex. No one did. And her struggle continues.
It makes me happy to see people who do kind shit like that. I'm glad to have seen her done something like that. And she didn't do it to show off, everyone was talking... but then again, she was probably talking loud, I'm always listening to music.
She may not understand the class well and what the teacher talks about. But she did the right thing. She actually did the Peter Singer, and she took the best route Aristotle would have suggested.
People laugh at her stupidity.
Fifty percent is a C, right?
She's being serious.
When she has something to say, people laugh because it's stupid, and she's serious.
With a look, you can tell she's unhappy as a whole with her life.
And based on what she says, she is unhappy, due to broken relationships.
This is in Richmond, California. High crime rate, high death rate, poverty, and the like.
It was our Final today.
After siting down on my seat, a pitiful kid from behind walked up to me and asked me if I had an extra Blue Book for the Final. I told him sorry, I only have one. He went to different people as they walked into class, asking for a Blue Book.
The big lady walks in. She tries to sit on her seat, unconsciously pushing another desk out the way as she tries to fit in it. The boy asks her for a Blue Book.
If she says no, I'm giving him a dollar.
She says she only has one. But after that, she answers for him, you don't have any money? He says he doesn't. And then she asks him if he wants her to go down to the bookstore and buy one for him. He says yeah. And she journeys down to the bookstore.
Our class is at the highest building, its the furthest from the bookstore. It was raining, she's fat, and she'll be late to class. There's like fifty steps she has to walk. And she's fat. She can't hardly walk. And its raining. And its really far.
Class starts, she comes in late, everyone looks annoyed, especially the professor, and then she gives the boy the Blue Book, quite quickly. It seems like no one saw the good she just did.
She asks the teacher if she can go out to get Kleenex from the bathroom and he says no. And then she asks the class if any of us has any Kleenex. No one did. And her struggle continues.
It makes me happy to see people who do kind shit like that. I'm glad to have seen her done something like that. And she didn't do it to show off, everyone was talking... but then again, she was probably talking loud, I'm always listening to music.
She may not understand the class well and what the teacher talks about. But she did the right thing. She actually did the Peter Singer, and she took the best route Aristotle would have suggested.
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