My external appearance. In short.  Because you keep hearing about my inner self.

With people I am close to, I talk all silly and happy, because they make me happy.  And I'm nice, I never say mean things too, because people don't like mean things.  I smile, and I laugh a lot until you start laughing. I talk really nerdy too, with lots of sarcasm, but sometimes its so obvious and true, but I like talking like that anyways because its funny. And even if its funny, I really do feel that way too. eg. I MISS YOU!!! I have a lot of inside jokes with them, and jokes from past things.  I'm really random. I'd say, it's advanced random humor that you have to really know me to get, and laugh.  And you have to humor me back, like make a straight face (shows that what I said isn't funny), and slap me, but don't actually hit me. Or just roll your eyes.  But smile please. And I don't say bad words (fuck, shit, damn, tits, ass, dick, cock, bitch). I guess I'm too shy to say bad words. But I say them when a friend tells me to.  And I'm only close to a few, like four people.  Or three. Actually, five. Also, when I talk, I move a lot.   Not with my hands, but with my body.  Its funny. I find beats in words.  I know, I'm weird like that. But girls like it hahah. I like being seen like this the most.

With people who I just know, and I'm hanging out with them, I just stay quiet, because I'm shy.  I'm not doing that because I think you suck, I'm just shy dammit! Bring out a karaoke machine or game to make me talk! But in games, like basketball, I don't talk. I'm not shy when I talk to my girl friends though.  I have three of them, who talk to me about their relationship problems and problems in life.  I like how they come to me, it makes me feel important.  I don't like it when I don't know what to say, or when they can't tell that I'm trying to be funny.  But I be funny to cheer them up, because I know it sucks feeling sad, and you can't avoid and prevent being sad most of the time.

With strangers, and when I'm walking in the town streets and shit, I walk fast, really fast like I have my shit together fast, straight cool looking posture, of course I'm dressed nicely, color coordinating but not matching, usually with my Diesel Jeans, I wear them almost everywhere coz they look nice, they go with everything and they're comfy.  I have a serious face on, but I'm not frowning, like a determination face. I know my eyes look cool though, until someone days hi to me, and I start smiling at them and they think I'm so happy to see them, and my eyes get chinky and they say I'm cute. Everyone who sees me thinks I have my shit together, I think, and I guess I do sometimes, but its not always true, I'm deep, I just know I am! And I help old ladies carry big furniture or whatever to their car. I just feel really cool looking when I'm out with strangers around. But no, I don't stand out!  I'm quiet, and subtle, and I like it. I like surprising people with my character.

I like wearing hoodies and track jackets.  T-shirts over the summer. I also have ear phones on most of the time I'm out, listening to my music from my DS.

I'd say I look good.  I looked better when I was younger though, or maybe that's because girls were more shallow when they were younger.  I remember three girls had a crush on me, 6th grade.  It started to decline the more they found out I was a loner though, and girls just stopped liking me in school when I was a Sophomore (that I know of). And when I was a Sophomore, I was hella emo and shit, but I fell in love my Junior year, which brought me back, and I'll save those memories for another entry. When I went to the Philippines, most of the people were like, you can become an actor.  I'm like, wtf! okay... so yeah, I guess I look good.  Oh yeah, and when I was younger, like five or eight or something, my cousins and aunties and uncles thought I would grow up to be a playboy.

I'm not shallow, but I have a tendancy to say shallow things.  Actually, I guess I am shallow at the start when I see someone. At heart, I'm not, I love people, and I know everyone is going through tough times, but damn my family is hella fucking shallow, so I guess I get it from them.

I tend to avoid people for a long period of time.  I just like being alone.  And when I don't feel like being alone, I talk to them again.  I'm not mean or anything, I try to be nice, but I like being alone.  Its hard.  There are some people who I want to be with forever, even when I want to be alone though, because I feel like she's a part of me that I need, and I really really miss her, even though she does not really  know me, I know that I need her, and she gives me what I want in a friendship, and I really miss her because she's always away in orange.

I don't talk much about my inner self either, unless my friends ask I guess, if they directly ask me for my opinion. I like looking mysterious, and maybe I don't even know much about myself.  Or maybe I'm just embarrassed because I think the things I do are negative in a shallow person's perspective.  I shouldn't care about shallow people, but I do, because their opinion will make me sad, and I don't like feeling sad either. Learning about myself is also a reason why I write in a blog like this. I want to know what other people think, of the inner me, and I want other people to know about the inner me, especially my friends.

Hella rushed post, because I'm hella writing on thought. And I don't even say hella IRL.

And now I'm off to play Ar Tonelico 2!

mood: whatevs