Writing

How ironic, that when I was a little kid, around the age of seven, I was worried about how I would approach the one, how I would have to write a love letter to her.

I was always worried about how my future would end up. My dad said he wrote a love letter to my mom.  I was always worried about the approach, because I was shy, and quiet, and I am still shy and quiet as of now if its a free for all. I only talk when I'm forced to or when I'm truly comfortable.

You know how shy I am? I don't pick up phone calls. I don't go up to the cashier to pay for burgers. I don't ask for anything. I don't drive anywhere. I don't ask my friends out. I don't ask for help. I don't enroll in classes that I really want to attend. But that's not the point, though I will push myself so this shyness will be cured. Or I could be lazy. Or I just don't care. Anyways.

I would think to myself, that she will come to me. Being cool, smart, athletic (only in basketball), nice, and handsome, I never thought that I would be going after her.  I was always scared of the thought, and when I have to write a love letter. I thought, Do I really have to write something like that in the future? I remember thinking that exact question too. I was in my dad's room, looking for my Pogs when I came across his old letter.

And now that I'm older, all I want to write... is writing about love.

I love loving you
so I'll keep on loving you
because loving you is the logical thing for me to do
and I love you
and you're okay with me loving you
so I'll love love love love you.
I love you so much.
I know I'm not ready to love you, but I love you anyways. I'll do my best to find out who I am. You're my motivation for life. I don't care if you love me back. I'm sorry, I can't talk. I don't know how. I just can't. I won't pretend that I am strong. I'm really pathetic. And I feel like the girl in this. Maybe later when I grow more. I'm really weak. Please don't think I'm creepy. I think... I know I really love you. You won't break my heart anymore. Please remember that. I'm okay with whatever you do for now on, because I'm trying to be strong. I love you. And I'll be here. Thank you, and sorry. I'll be working on this, being stronger, as my apology. I've been told that girls like confidence. But I know in my heart, that I'm just not confident. I can't pretend. Especially to you. I love you. And I'm just being honest. My exterior appearance is completely different by the way, just saying. I act on impulse a lot, and I would've kissed you to keep you from saying those mean things to me. I love you. When you say mean things to me, I love you, maybe even more than before you say those mean things. I love you. When you talk to me, when you criticize me, I feel like a better person afterwords. I love you. In my heart, I know I won't be quiet and shy when I meet you face to face. I love you. When we separate, when you're a friend, or a lover, I love you. Thank you so much for letting me love you, even though I love you, thank you for being you. I love you. And I only meant to write out the first seven lines here, but I ended up typing a paragraph. I'll do my best, to become someone, a stronger person that can be liked and that can encourage, motivate, and protect, thinking of you.