just questions. and some answers.

She blocked me.  I think it's only because I'm not showing my effort as much as I thought I was.

Do I list all her cons?  Is she worth it?

She killed a few online relationships of mine.  She didn't keep her promise.  But she's hurt.

Do I like her because I pity her?  No, I don't pity her, I am amazed at her performance with others, though in my experience with her, she has a limit.

I do have a lot of time on my hands.  How about trying it?  Trying to write this ultimate letter?  I have a feeling that it'll bring her back to my future life.

But what if she does come back?  That hurt will come back.  The hurt that made me drop Pharmachology last year.  Made me achieve a C in Physiology.  The hurt that got me a D in Microbiology. The hurt that made me lose time with friends, that made me drift apart from my friends.

I got what I needed from her, right?  Should I just move on?

But what if we become lovers. I don't know what she'll be like, but I have a hunch to what she is like, and the hunch is hunching ferociously.

It will be worth it... this is a scar in my life.  I'll regret not doing it, I may fall down even more, sinking down to the core.

Show her the effort.  Get her back.  See what happens.

Her blocking me is actually my best chance to show how much I care.  But now the feeling is waning, and I don't think it's worth it.  It's not worth it.

it's getting HOT.

I tend to put things off that are most important to me.  Do I have a slight personality disorder that makes me have to be in a perfect mood, perfect feeling, and perfect timing (earliest) to do something?  I don't get myself, if I have to do something, how come I don't do it?  It can't be laziness.  Am I waiting for pressure or what?  What do I need to do something I need to do?!?!

I thought of this nice quote but I can't remember it.  It has to do with my kind of thinking.

I think I have to go for her.  And what else... she never liked me, because she's not willing to understand me.  She's so sensitive, I can't believe I have to explain myself every single time. Ugh.  I wish we would just meet. That would sort things out much better.  And I guess she really doesn't care... or she's waiting to be cared for.  I think she's waiting to be cared for.  Thus, I will care for her... by showing her effort!

But I'm fuckin lazy dammit! Does this mean I don't really love her?  I guess I should cherish this time without her to sort out my mind and feelings.  Then after that, I can write the perfect letter... or not if I don't feel the need to.

5/8 was the day.

5/8 was the day she left my life.

I MUST WORK NOW.  AND FINISH.  AND BE SATISFIED.

yes!

The Ultimate Letter is in progress.  Prepare yourselves!

The committed heart searches for an answer.

bitch!

My real goodbye is in progress... I wonder if I should start off with "BITCH!" or.. READ PLZ BITCH!  Whateverrrr.

Goodbye my heart ^^

After chasing after her, I don't think I'd have much to write, since I tend to only blog when I'm in this infatuation shit.

the Ultimate Letter.

The best letters are HANDWRITTEN.

OMG WHY HAVEN'T I THOUGHT OF THIS.

And then I'll draw cute little pictures on the side.

buHAHAHAHAHAHAHA it's the ultimate sincerity.

still doesn't feel right.

I feel that there is something missing in my letter. It's mostly me talking about myself and what I did wrong.  There isn't much love to her, but she won't even believe it if I do show love.

Reverse psychology.  Maybe I'll get angry, and she won't believe that.  But maybe she will. I have to incorporate reverse psychology effects into this email somehow.

Should I show her my blog?  I'll read through it...

I guess I did start off with so much information about me, and you can’t put the pieces together.  I guess it’s like Speech; you have to start off with the very basic information that people can easily understand before going to the much detailed.

Post relationship status:

-No matter how sincere I am, she'll never trust me.

-She thinks I'm bribing her into seeing me in a different light by giving her things.

-She talks to my friends about me. Yet she says she doesn't understand me.

I bet this is all entertainment to them.

Maybe I should show more aggressiveness?  But it scared her away.  And wow I just had this sudden craving for Kara's Cupcakes.

Or now I'm having doubts.  Maybe I should leave it up to her to handle it. It's her attitude that's the problem.

And I think I liked myself BEFORE I fell for her. I guess I convinced myself that she's the one, and I have been looking at her traits... but I look at myself, there are no improvements to what I do. She made me worse than before.

But I am hardheaded.