weeeeeeeeeeee.

Once I own Xenoblade, I must cop dis!:



Wished those 8-bit toons were actually figurines that came in the box... V

!!!

Games to get:  Final Fantasy IV After Years, Kirby's Epic Yarn, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Arc Rise Fantasia (maybe), Last Story... I feel like I'm missing something.

I literally feel like I was 13 yesterday, and woke up as a 20 yr old, without dreams and goals.

Back to watching Professor Layton: The Eternal Diva.

back.

I'm going back to my old self.  What was my old self?  Striving hard, working hard, getting things done.  I'm tired of being relaxed and carefree.  I'm tired of watching the world, and thinking that nothing will change.  I want to go back to who I used to be, or who I thought I was before.

But I can't, because I'm just me.  I'm everything I've done.  I can't "say" that I'm going back.  Except, I've learned a lot more.  I'll have a higher level of motivation as I work harder.  I guess I'm just inspired by Captain Tezuka lol  He's so serious, I think it's cool to be serious, like I was before... at least, I'd like to think that I was serious, maybe I wasn't so serious.

I was told to relax and smile. After my first, I started smiling... and people commended me for smiling!  Or not commend, but were like "woah you're smiling!"  I guess I never did smile back then.  Even in fifth grade, my teacher wrote in my "yearbook" that I have to smile more, and try to relax and that I have a nice smile.  Another fifth grade friend wrote that it's funny how I try to hide my smile.  And almost everyone else said that I'm too quiet.  I guess I get lost in my head often, that I don't realize what I'm affecting around me.

It could also be that I thought I was like what they said but what was I back then?  Back then when I didn't feel so pessimistic.  Was I pessimistic back then?  Am I pessimistic now?  Eh, whatever lol

I like Manga because of *one* writer and artist.  I feel that I learn more about the person and I grasp the entire meaning of the piece and what the writer is trying to convey in it.  77-78 PoT

Last Thursday, I missed my chance yet again.  She was walking ahead of me, I didn't do anything.  BUT I was also ready in case we met at the roll sheet, or whenever I see her down a hallway.  I was SO ready to say hi, but I didn't see her.  Nor was my friend here today, and it sucks because I really wanted to talk about this with her.  Anyways, I noticed that she wore her jacket around the waist.  YES!  She's not that intimidating anymore knowing she did a nerd! Or maybe it's not a nerd since she's a she, and guy nerds tie jackets or sweaters around their waste.  Hmm.  But man, that will attract more people to her... I'm afraid of other guys finding her attractive which is most likely... this is why I have to act quick before it's too late... sigh.

... one month left. I just know that I'll regret not saying anything to her after this semester is over, and as I age.

Maybe I'll bring my big umbrella and hopefully it rains... and she forgets her umbrella... KLJFS!! WTF.

OH YEAH.  And 9s I passed: No 1 Nation, Xuxa, July, Tell, While the Rekkid Spinz.  Gonna try to beat Let My love Go Blind next lol, I died at the end with that <>< looking consecutive steps, I think its good practice coz I seem to be bad at those.  And the steps that go <>^<V or something like that lol (the awkward twist/turns which may put my back facing the screen)

happy birthday dad!

I have Skies of Arcadia COMPLETE now.  Thank you cuhzbro.

My dad turns 53 today.We played basketball.  Thank goodness I lost (not in purpose), hopefully my dad noticed that I was playing my best, and hopefully he feels younger now that he beat me lol

hm not much to say... watched the last games of the preseason. Starting to get back into Prince of Tennis.

Note to self: EP 304 DC

missed my chance.

She was right there, OMG could've said hi but noOOoo.  I passed the roll sheet to her and didn't say anything, and she didn't say anything to me.  hmph.  I'm suspecting she has a BF coz she's all focused and everytying hmm oh well gotta say hi next time lol

Now let me reminisce of all the chances I could have had.

1.  First day of school.  She was walking to class, and she was ahead of me.  I, who usually walks fast, slowed down because I was intimidated by her looks LOl

2.  Sat next to me.

3.  Sat next to me again, and tapped my shoulder coz she wanted me to pass up my music quiz lmao

4.  She was sitting in the hallway unexpectedly.  I rushed to the practice room because I felt nervous.

5.  Saw her working at the concert, but didn't say hi coz I didn't recognize her.

6.  Could have said hi to her when I passed up my listening paper.

7.  Could have said hi to her when I passed the roll sheet.

WTF.  so in conclusion, I have no balls and I'm a little kid. I'm sure there was more... near the first day of school, I saw her at the library.

This infatuation thing is working though... I want to be healthy like her LOL and I lost 5 lbs!  I passed all 8 songs on ITG.  I started on 9s, but failed the first one.   My excuse is that I was too tired.  But right after I shot a couple of hoops.  I want to go one on one with someone... I feel like blocking someone so bad!

And so a crossover game with Prof Layton and Phoenix Wright was just announced... http://www.1up.com/news/professor-layton-meets-phoenix-wright-3ds

Xenoblade or this?!?! I love puzzles and detective stuff.

XENO.

If Xenoblade has an official release date, I'm getting a Wii.  I'll get the game first though, and then the Wii.  Xenoblade looks like the only RPG that I want to play ATM.  Sarah Àlainn's Beyond the Sky is so beautifully sung ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9iPQP7aDe_Y )... and I'm following Soraya Saga on Twitter lol (worked on Xenosaga and Xenoblade).  And I should also get Baten Kaitos if I get a Wii...!  (if the Wii can play Gamecube games...)

http://www.nintendo.co.jp/wii/sx4j/characters/index.html

These character designs look amazing.

I also discovered Sarah Àlainn's youtube ch and blog... I wonder how old she is so I can compare ourselves intellectually and where we're at in life lol... hope she's older than 25 or so, but she looks 21 or 22, sigh.

I think my shooting got better... when I practice, I must practice going up one on one against someone.  Shoot open shots, pass when I don't or dribble ahead... I'm short, so I have to practice being like a point guard. Ray Allen and Paul Pierce do not miss any shots during practice. I must not miss any shots either!

I'm procrastinating again on my government essay as usual. I could never think of a thesis.  This is why I hate essays.  I don't like thinking up topics and researching, it just doesn't interest me and I lost credibility on everything anyways.  AND I don't have much opinions on issues and such.  Maybe I need to live by myself or something to form opinions that I'd be satisfied with... oh well, must write something though for 20+ points?  I might not like my argument, but at least I'll follow the structure.  My heart isn't in this, because I am not passionate about any issue.

I think I'll finish FFVIII ASAP, and right after, finishing up FFXII.  I started FFX like two weeks ago if I didn't say that, and I'm not hooked.  Maybe it's because I'm not that far into it, so past game series are drawing me in.

Last weekend I kept replaying and watching the endings of Xenosaga EPI and III.  Is it bad that my favorite character is Wilhelm?  The guy who watches the universe revolve around him, precisely calculating what's going to happen and what's going to end up as... except the sadist part, I don't like that characteristic about him, but his outlook is so amazing.  chaos and Wilhelm, staying calm and when things aren't going there way, they don't respond with an over exaggerated reaction.  chaos's eternal melancholic expression is intriguing as well, I wish more games have as good as a story and development as Xenosaga, which is why I'm looking forward to Xenoblade.  I could tell that it's genuine, and the creator really crafted it with a passion.  That's just by looking at reviews and trailers and screen shots and the website though. It's Takahashi, of course.

Jin Uzuki... the moment before he dies in the ending, he longs for the past, and never felt that way before.  He wanted to go back.  I wonder if that meant that he regret sacrificing himself to help Nephilim, Abel, chaos, and KOS-MOS.  I feel the same way, even though I'm not going to die right now.  I'm longing for the past.  I didn't say spoilers, because that's not the true ending.  Soraya Saga and Takahashi's ending is much different... I'm really curious to what their ending for the series is.

This is why I'm excited for Xenoblade.  It's Takahashi's first, for us, our first time to see a game his team actually finished w/o bein rushed.

Sigh, I want to play games... back to my essay. And wish me luck!  If things go well, and somehow I get a chance to talk to her, I'll go up to her with my friend and start something... sad to say that I'm superficial and she's looking good lol love her hair and the way she dresses.  She says "excuse me" "thank you", helped out in the concert, nice hair, hard worker, not afraid to ask for something she doesn't know... yeeee.  I guess it's not that much based solely on her appearance :P

good mood.

I beat Adel!  Finally... she had na-na-na-nothing on Selphie baby.

Shell on Rinoa.  Regen on Rinoa.  Auto-haste + 40% speed on Squall, normal attacking.  Selphie + Cactuar + Recover.  Zell + Curaga + Revive.  It took me 30 minutes, four tries.

I think my stamina increased drastically.  But it may be because of night, that I did not tire out easily.

Doing "basketball circles" really helps with the rhythm pertaining to free throw shots.

I like sleeping, I feel healthy.

And I feel like reading Prince of Tennis and watching The Girl Who Leap Through Time.

I also had another idea in my story thingie... where Deske cuts off his arm to prove that he doesn't care about himself, but it just shows he does anyway, because of what the bad guy says. And it's starting to feel a lot like Xenosaga, so I should back down a bit on the Gods and whutnot.

Received Mew, 10:07 AM, October 15, 2010.

I want to be confident as a pessimist and cynic, but cheerful and not contradictory at the same time. Au contraire... I just felt like saying au contraire.

"For love?  Ridiculous.  That has no value."  -Wilhelm, Xenosaga EP. III

Yeay had a brain fart.  Idea of a story would be... God's creation of the "love" concept was actually a mutation in the universal chain of time.  BUAHAHA.  And she comes down to destroy and erase the concept off existence. LOl and so our midget heroes will try to protect "love," by rebelling against God. I wonder if that has been done before...

And before the crisis happens, Deske falls in love with God, who is Leena, a human incarnation of God. She chose being human, because they seemed to be the most interesting species, and are different than the other "animals".  She is also a whore, but a silent pianist and musician and whatever.... she plays strange tunes, which aren't rhythmatically connected at all, but for some strange reason, it flows well and Deske thinks that he understands her.    And Deske falls in love with her so much!  And there will be also other story arcs.  Love triangles, science, with attacking microorganisms, the "big bacteria" that battles God... this is designed to be epic.

Oh yeah, and God doesn't wear makeup, but looks so naturally cute and intelligent, so Deske immediately falls for her, and is also the reason why he doesn't have much of a competition is that God is the quiet type that sits in a piano room all day playing the piano... or should it be organ.

Why do I feel that this story has been done before? =_=  I hope not! omfg i feel like being awake and motivated.  My part time story begins!  wraahhhH

it is unfortunate.

If we don't plan on where we're going, we'll end up where we didn't plan on going.

Everyone's working hard on their goals.  To make money, meet that special someone, gain some sort of status to show off to their friends.  To support themselves.

Except me.  I feel that my goal is to die. I only see death.  No middle point, just death.   Closest to death is torture.  Passing a test is close to success.  It's like the success in progress.  Torturing oneself, is hurt, death is extreme hurt, thus it is the success after achieving consecutive 100%s on torture.

I will fail all my tests.  I will destroy all my relationships.  I'll build a wall over my island.  I'll isolate myself.  I'll make bad first impressions.  I'll eliminate emotions except the feeling of melancholy.

It is unfortunate that I unconsciously care about my own well-being.

I tested our knives.  The sharpest one seems to be the one with "R O G E R" engraved on the blade.

daily rituals.

Wake up, and shoot some hoops.

Prepare for school.

Scales, sightread.

Then school!  I shouldn't turn on my PC... well, maybe to blog if I don't feel like wasting any paper.  I finally got my answer to the paper problem I've been wondering about for a long time.  How can saving paper save trees when the paper is already made from the tree?  With paper consumed as it is now, the supply for paper will remain constant, thus halting the rapid production of an excess of paper.  Not using paper will keep the supply relatively high, thus companies will not make as much, as it won't be as cost efficient for them to spend money only to have extra paper. Therefore trees will be saved by its low demand.

So let's save paper!  And use our carbon emitting PCs to do our dirty work. It's better than trees being cut down to release so much  though. Hm, but one blog page handwritten is like 1/100000 of a tree.  I wonder what the carbon emitting proportions would be for each typed thing to be handwritten compared to how long the PC releasing carbon to type the thing.

Way to get off topic again.

And Tiana Xiao's intelligence is so sexy.

I swear I have ADHD. It's not my surroundings though, it's my own friggin head, so at least  I have a slight resistance to solitary confinement!

I keep getting mad and frustrated at home.

But at least I keep silent.  I don’t know, do I need more calcium?  Do I need friends?  What’s missing… sure not everyone will not piss me off, but this is just crazy.  I get mad at the smallest things, and I don’t want to get mad at the smallest things.   I want to be calm with that neutral expression all the time.  Sigh.  What do I have to train myself to do to have no emotions?  Watch shows that kill people over and over?  Then what if I turn into a killer?  I look calm, but I am not calm.

My Professor in Critical Thinking answered my question!  It was the one about what he thinks about the quote; “Ignorance is bliss” , which is actually from “Where ignorance is bliss, ‘Tis folly to be wise.”  I did not get everything he said down, though I did capture something about hiding from the truth when you know it’s there.  He asked rhetorically “only in fantasy can make you happy?”  No matter how much we hide from it, it’s there when you know it.  I like how he connected it to individual humans rather than the world tied up together.  There was much more that he said about it… I’ll ask him about cynical people next time the class has an opportunity to ask a question in the 1 minute papers.