Deep down

Deep down inside I feel that I'm right and she's wrong, but it's just opinion.  It still happened, so even if I'm right I'm still the loser.

Deep down inside I feel that I am the most judgemental person on Earth.  I do my best to hide it.  Why?  I am a hypocrite as well.  Because it's stupid, and I don't rule other people's lives.

Deep down inside, I don't believe in true love or friendship.  I lost all faith in it.

Deep down inside, I don't want to change, but I want to change bad habits of mine.  I don't want to change my personality.

I thought of a random quote.  "As a kid, I was always told to think about my future.  But I was never told to think about how early on into the future.  I thought of death."

I just thought of something.

It appears as if she's read what I wrote.

She didn't respond, but she didn't delete it as soon as she saw it.

I'm happy.  That she listened.

If I fail at this, I'll fail to the very end.  If I give up, I'll be depressed for the rest of my life.

I'll end up like them if I just my answers by just talking to them.  They say things that they might not mean too.  But I know they're honest, there's just much more than a simple feeling and execution of honesty.   It dates back to the origin of man.  What people are like basically.  They're trying to be honest.  They are honest.  There are so much factors coming into play.

But it all comes to that, I know, and I feel that if I try harder somehow, I can make it work.  It's me.

I feel awkward talking about myself.  But I'll do it if it's related to her.