YOU gave me several chances. I know I blew them all away. But if you were truly my friend in the beginning the chances would be endless. What kind of friend are you? You only pick the people who are valuable to YOU; therefore you care about only YOURSELF.
I’m not trying to change your views on friendship, but I’m just sharing you one of my views.
The reason why you blocked me is because I won’t change, and I lie? I can’t believe you’re so dense to only read and feel these words I write. If you really want to know the TRUTH you would be my friend, and analyze what we do along the way. YOU just gave up, you and your superficial self.
Our relationship may be frustrating. It’s my fault, how I act and how I write. But if you really wanted to know me, you would help me. The way I see you, is that you wait for me to talk to you only to see if I really want to talk to you or not.
YOU ARE NOT SENSITIVE TO OTHER PEOPLE’s feelings. You are only sensitive to yourself. That's why I said you only care about yourself too. I see you as someone as once you get mad at someone; you’d never change your opinion because of how they act towards you. There are assholes like that. I am probably like that, but we’re all trying to learn how to place ourselves in this world. We have to deal with everyone no matter what. You’re doing nursing, right?
Both my parents are nurses and they deal with people they don’t like all the time, for 20+ years. You can’t even deal with me for 4 months. And you don’t even talk to me everyday. How much more when you face lazy CNAs you have to work with 3 days a week for the next 40 years?
This email will have no affect whether you will change your mind or not. I am just telling you this out of what I think. I hope you respond, because I want to know your thoughts as well.
I miss you sincerely. You gave up on me, but I miss you so much. I can’t change all at once. I am who I am, it takes time. Please be patient if you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me.
and Happy mother's day. I had a mocha roll. If it helps, I marinated it in bitter depths of hell in a coffee cup, because I didn' t think I deserve the sweet taste.
Lies and contradictions, and admitting to sarcasm:
I knew I was being obnoxious with all the <33333333 and ^_______^, but I said it anyways because it's all I felt like saying at the moment. I knew I made it so obvious, but since you didn't know me much, I made it look like being happy is all I am. I could have held back, and not be like that, but I couldn't help it and express myself like that, I'm not someone to hold things in, or at least I try not to hold things in.
I was shy before, I think I'm still shy now, but it really depends on who I'm with. I think I thought I was shy, and I would enforce it to be liked by you since your boyfriend's shy, probably because I thought you like shy people.
I was sarcastic when I said "I don't think you noticed either" and she said "I didn't think so too", but I just let it go anyway. It was all in the past anyway and it never looked like we'd talk about it again.
I lied in that I was giving stuff to make people like me. I did it to avoid further tension and because I just feel like giving stuff out of impulse. But sometimes I feel guilty because I know my brother wants things but I don't give him things.
The hate mail was impulsive at first, but I planned out the timing of sending it. Without reading it over, I sent it but I was thinking whether to send it or not.
It's my fault for trying to see your reaction in things. I know the limit now though.
I'm shallow, and superficial. But it really is dying down fast after meeting you.
I feel nervous when I talk to you because I think that you think that I'm only talking to you because I like you that way.
I want to talk to you.
I have friends, but I never keep any so close. I don't talk my soul out to a one friend in a daily basis. I would like to, but I think I have trust issues as well. I'm afraid that if I open myself too much, I won't sound real.
I am not an introvert. I tried to be one, but I couldn't.
I am satisfied with just your presence. But I am not satisfied when you're angry at me. I'd rather be in your presence than have you angry at me.
I feel like things that I do are too good to be true sometimes, so I make up a lie to make them not be so true. Maybe that makes me confused too.
I'm sarcastically stupid. I mean things like sonny's cuckoo for cocoa puffs and when you said that you thought that I didn't know that you knew I liked you back then but I didn't say anything afterwords. And that Obama thing... I didn't read about Obama, you're supposed to laugh a little. But I told you already that I can't make you laugh but I guess I tried.
Anyways, I'll think more, I know I have good memory and I'll try to think up somethings that you may think I lied in or whatever.
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I agree with you that actions speak louder than words. But why are you just reading these words? Why can't you see that I'm trying? Why don't you talk to me? I want to meet you, so you'll have a better understanding of me. Because I know that I can be a good friend to you.
It's not over. It's only over when I feel that it's over. Sorry, but I'm the fucking horse in this zodiac.
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