hating life part X

I wish you have never talked to me.  I wish you had never thought that I was important.  I wish you never thought of me as a friend.

Because now, you hate me, and it fucking hurts.

Having the best feeling in the world because of you.  And now that we're not like we used to be, but the complete opposite, fucking hurts. It hurts so much. I hate it. I miss you.  I miss looking forward to your happiness.  I miss looking forward to something in life.

I noticed two out of most of the time she got mad at me, is because I was covering for my brother.  I don't want them to think badly of him, so I lie for him to cover it... dammit.  I'm sorry friends, but family comes first in my life (though if you were my gf you would come first).

I ask myself, do I really love her for who she is?  No one is perfect.  But for me, she is perfect.  Am I blind?  Am I assuming what she would be like?  Of course.  I really think she has a genuine sensitive heart.  She's kind, though she says things that might hurt people... but I really think she's kind and she's really hurting inside.  She needs a lot of love, and maybe she is getting it, but I'm not seeing it.  Oh well, I really hope she's happy.  I had a weird dream that her BF started to play Maple with us.  I forgot what my reaction was... I think I woke up crying lol.  Maybe I really am selfish, and that I just want her to be with me.  Maybe I don't really care about her happiness... nah, I care about her happiness.  I really wish to see her and her bf in action though.. ER NOT THAT KIND OF ACTION, I mean like, I want to see how he treats her.

50/50 chance my grandpa will survive.  All my relatives are coming to our house.  My only grandparent left. This world sucks.  I hate God, but I like how some people interpret it.

Hm I like myself better after writing.

Currently listening to:  Ellegarden- Lonesome