I think superficiality extends greater than just physical appearance. It's all first sight. In the internet, you meet a person's personality foremost. That's a first sight meeting. But in the real world, you meet the person's physical appearance. You'll see that tattoo of an ass first. You'll see that cleavage. You'll see that fat lady, struggling, making a perfect fit into a little desk with little space to move around. It's not judging, it's what I see.
Physical appearance matters a lot in the real world. I'll speak through experience. When I was younger, I was a loner. I wasn't the rejected kind of loner. I was the kid who would sit in Mr. Nguyen's math class with his head down during lunch time. I was the kid who would never look at someone in the eye. I was the kid who didn't actually say "hi."
I always feel like I have to put my best effort when I'm dealing with people face to face. I get socially tired extremely fast, so there were lots of times when I was just an asshole who accidentally said asshole stuff. It's hard to keep it up, but that's how I am, though I don't remember being an ass when I was. Oh, I think I showed intense dislike to P*** M*****. I just didn't like him, and I also felt hate towards me emancipating from him too. (And I'm glad that I kicked his ass 100 to none in the Pokemon TCG though.)
It wasn't until later on until I filled my lunch schedule with club activities. I was part of Junior States of America (fridays), Interact (mondays was it?) chess club (I lied, I was in this middle school), anime club (I lied, I was in this in 10th grade), SLACA (Wednesdays), the Library club (Thursdays?). I forgot what I did Tuesdays. But anyways I would still remain the same loner when club days were canceled.
Anyways, not to sound all conceited or whatever, but I was above average looking. A good looking loner. Girls actually liked me without knowing me. I'd say that's pretty rare, since most of the loners I see are not that great looking and not many girls liked these loners. Those loners have poor postures, they bend down, move their head in an awkward position. Some look down on the ground, some just put one facial expression. But I was awkward, good looking, and I had that "I'm going to kill you" expression. Why was I liked? Actually, what made me different than my other loner colleagues? What set me apart from them?
No, I did not label these other loners as just loners. I actually knew some quite a bit, but I did not want to be as close to them as in telling them about myself or hanging out with them at the Metreon. Sure, what they said about the History Channel was interesting, but really, I didn't care about stuff like that. I'd rather be by myself than to associate with them. I enjoy having my head down sometimes, and just doodling weapons on my planner book, or finishing up homework.
Loners are naturally sad, because people belong in groups naturally. People want to talk to others, naturally. I was sad because I was alone. I was a hypocrite though, how people would want to be my friend, and I kept a huge wall around me that NO ONE could climb over. Even Psychiatrists failed. When my APUSH teacher asked the question of the day, and randomly called on me, "where do you eat lunch, and who do you eat with?" I fucking teary eye'd, and people actually did sympathize with me. I wiped my tears off, I really had no reason to cry, because it's MY FAULT that I chose to be a loner. I didn't answer the question, so he moved on to ask another student.
I didn't talk much, only if it's about video games or school. During lunch time, I guess I was good, seeing that I beat my Algebra teacher. But if there wasn't any chess club, I would be standing alone, or sitting down in a random seat in a math class with my head down. Even later on, til high school, "acquaintances" would approach me, and I wouldn't carry on a conversation. Still, I never heard any rumors of people talking shit about me. Maybe they were but I wasn't aware of it? What did I do to deserve this treatment?
I know the other loners know that they are being made fun of. I see people playing around with them. Some acquaintances would just talk shit about them.
I was fat. I do a good job hiding it I guess, but my family knows I am. I didn't care. When I'm trying to play on a keyboard, my brother calls me Bighoven. When I'm playing Heavy mode on DDR, my brother says "yeah... heavy mode! Heavy mode should be Light, and Heavy mode should be thin." My mom squeezes my tummy when she walks by me. When we were walking in the airport in NY, there was a Ronald McDonald statue thing, sticking his arms out. My auntie said "look, he's saying come here Jason!" But really, I don't mind, I laugh at Bighoven. And I laugh at the Ronald McDonald, because I really like McDonalds. Comments like that are just funny to me. McDonald's tastes good, but it's bad for me, so I'm only eating it if my mom buys it for me.
It's because I'm good looking. I get compliments just for looking good. I don't have a nice body, but I guess I have a nice face.
Because I'm always skeptical about what other people say to me, and it usually ends up negative, therefore even negative things and positive things that I say, I expect the person to be skeptical about it too. But as it is, I'm not paranoid, so I take in whatever compliments I get. It makes me happy, so thank you for the compliment. Thanks for telling me I look good. That right there makes me superficial. I'm glad that people think I look good, why? Because I care about my looks. If I didn't, that compliment would be equivalent as to "look, it's the sun... which has been up there for five hours already." Sometimes I think that people are just saying that. But people especially in the Philippines say that to me all the time. I meet a relative, bam, "you can be an actor." I get a haircut, bam "you have a perfect head."
They can fix it, they have no right to complain. racial issues reign supreme. They need that drive to push themselves. They can get help if they need it. They are miserable because they're lazy. They think they're not lazy but they look lazy. But seriously, if it didn't mattered, why would people care so much about it? If it hurts it's OBVIOUSLY an issue. Now, people are going to argue that it's some shit in the head involving neurotransmitters. Okay, sure. That sucks.
Yes I'm superficial, and it just depends though I can be superficial against certain types of people. I'm open in society with a smile. However, there are people that i just DONT LIKE. Dark Mexicans with their hair comb back thinking they're the shit in their wannabe ghetto tone. There are people that just look disgusting, so I don't want to see them. I'm superficial in that I wouldn't love a girl with make-up. I know, I'm a guy, and I'm supposed to like girls like that. Society is pushing us to like girls like that. But really, I think it's gross, and I don't want to wake up to someone looking different. And I don't want her spending 100$ a week on polishing herself up, it should be used for pizza. I know, that makes ME disgusting. Though, my best girl friend wears make-up, and I'm just fine with that, but she's not someone I'd love, I just like kicking it with her because she's only fun and someone I like being around. It's not something I'd complain about, because she's just a friend. Why would I talk about it to her? It's just a little thing, and it doesn't change what she is to me. But my superficiality to strangers... if they don't care that I talk to them, and if I don't care that they don't talk to me, I think it's all good.
My parents are superficial, but they deal with the people they're superficial with anyway. When you look at them communicating with other people that they're obviously thinking in the back of their mind that that type of person has problems, you wouldn't notice. That's how well they lie. My parents are racist towards black people. But my cousin, my mom's nephew married a black guy, and we're still able to bond and communicate. My parents gave him housing and real-estate tips. My parents have black co-workers. They say "wassup" to each other. And that's how it's supposed to be played. Though, my parents won't let black families rent our houses. My other relatives are superficial as well. My cousin has a really fat boyfriend, and they talk behind his back, her dad does, that he's heavy weight champion. My mom's like "why did she choose him? She's an engineer." I'm like WTF, her boyfriend is funny and nice as hell (the happy hell). I fear that my family will talk shit like this to my friends. And they did, they call my 3rd grade friend, N***** S**, the fat one, though I really didn't mind it at the time. Anyways, keep shit about other people to yourself. I HOPE my family does this. The one thing I'm worried about is that my family or friends will judge my friend for being ugly or whatever.
Sure it all sucks. But i think its the truth based on my experience. People shouldn't judge like that, we need more people who constantly tell themselves not to judge people like that. But it's how it is. Naturally, it's how it is. Personally, it's just whatever to me. I don't mind if you are shallow, but if truly are not, then I tip my hat to you. Your performance is awesome and appreciated to the majority. It's tough how fat or booger looking people get treated, how most things in this world are built for the non fat people. If you're making an effort, but are still judging people this way, then you're just like almost everyone else. Why does it matter? People are always like this, and majority always reigns supreme. You have to fix it. If you didn't care, why would it hurt? It hurts because there is something u can do to fix it but your not doing it but you think that its some other thing.
In the end, it all matters how you handle what other people say about you. If people say something about you what do you do? If it really mattered, you'd do something about it because you feel that it's a problem. If it didn't, you'd let it slide and not care at all. Just don't complain about it, and be strong. If it doesn't matter, just don't say anything. Everyone has some fault, people have these for the competition. I think self-esteem can only be lifted if you know that you're better than other people and other people know that you're better than them somehow. And unfortunately, society has shifted, and has always been, that physical appearance matters. Life is a game. People say things that don't mean anything, people do things to get through this, people lose with regret and depression, and people win. We have to get through this game. We are not suppose to lose by getting depressed by stupid words. We live ONLY ONCE. Let's live how we want to, and let's kill this game together, shall we? (Though honestly I'm a bit torn... regarding how I should play it.)
I'd like to say that I'm not an asshole. I don't mean to be an asshole. And I know I'm not when I go out and about rummaging through society and life. I don't go up to people, and say shit about them. I take it out with a smile now, and acting happy. Acting with open ears. Happiness, and willing to connect is contagious most of the time. People are meant to be heard, people want to be heard. People want to be happy. I bring myself down during conversations so other people can feel good about themselves. Won't other people feel better if I make myself look so pathetic? Doesn't it make you feel good that you're not as pathetic as me? It's all how we project ourselves, and as long as that projection causes no harm. That's what I wish other people would think of me as, and that's my physical appearance. Seriously though, I don't go around messing with people. I like to stay in my little box, keep a determined face, and smile whoever crosses paths with me.
What else. Bitch bitch bitch, so many fucking bitches.
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