viewing other people.

I think I'm at that age when expressing myself to other people doesn't matter anymore, and that the only ones who I should truly care about, are those who care about me. I'm not looking for intense satisfaction.  Just satisfaction, a good time.  I'm not looking for friends who I can connect mentally.  I'm starting to appreciate everyone, and I can genuinely say "thank you for being here."

I'm not lost, and I think I calmed down much more.  I have to thank my love for that. I learned a lot about myself.  It was things I knew before, but now its truly engraved in my soul.  I can treat everyone with respect, those who I know I like, and those who just annoy me.  I know what to do now, study hard, work hard, and complete the task.  I look at people who worked hard, and are professionals.  They are looked  up upon, and I look up upon them, so I want to be like them, and I'll do what I want if its obtainable and within reach.  I have to be realistic and practical.  I'll be proud if I study.  So I'll push myself to study.

I'm not searching for love.  Maybe someone will find me, and love me.  I know I'm lovable.  I'll wait for someone single, and I'll just hang around them and maybe something will happen.  Honestly, I talk about sex sometimes to sound cool, and that I don't really care what people do.  Like people just do it for fun, its safe, there's no harm, and it feels good, so what's the problem, right?  Deep inside, I don't like imagining girls I know doing things to their men.  I don't want to know what they did.  It just hurts me somehow.  I don't feel sick, its just a weird feeling. I'm a virgin, and I like it.  I'm saving it for that special someone. Also, I know I'll be good in bed.  When I love someone, I'll love her so much.  It'll be so passionate, and that's why I'll be good in bed. I'll coach her if she's willing to listen, and if not, I won't force her, but I'll really love her.

I'm truly satisfied with who I am. I like it when others like me.  Today, my friend in MapleStory asked me to marry her.  She said she turned down 10 guys.  She's the quiet type, with an IRL boyfriend.  I felt special. I didn't want to pay $20 though.  And if I marry her, I probably wouldn't play much because of school.  She's already a professional something.  I treat her with a lot of respect, and I don't ask her any personal questions.  We're just together, playing together, working and leveling together; and I like it. She's an inspiration, I want to be like her.

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