Pretending that you care really shows that you did care...

I should keep this in mind.

I need one of those cover ups... to show that I'm a strong person.

A job, friends, a profile picture of me on Facebook doing amazing things...

ANY COVER UP WILL DO.

I have a sore throat.

I went to the doctor's.  My doctor said that my heart stopped beating, and that my skin isn't supposed to be this gray.  She also said I have a bottle obstructing air in my trachea, disallowing me to breathe.  I am kidding though.

Words of wisdom to myself on September 20, 2013:  If you want it, go get it.  If you don't want it, don't get it.

Would she be happy to know that I've died

Oh fuck I should have forseen after those bursts of happiness comes a depression hell.

... but I sound so flirty when I talk... sigh, MAYBE I NEED A GIRLFRIEND so that it shows that I'm just talking and I just want to be friends..

SIGH IF ONLY I CAN GET OVER HER. But I refuse to let go...

And maybe I'm not letting go because of my pride... I'm reading this book.  This passage stuck me.

It wasn’t only Otohiko’s appearance that had changed. He had become closed and cautious, somehow, as it is so often with people who have desperately sought to preserve their pride, even as some cruel, twisted fate pursues them. (Banana Yoshimoto, n.p.)

The line I bolded struck me. I think I've always had really high pride but I sucked at everything... therefore everything I ever did hurt so much, and because of that I've became such a recluse...

Forgot how fun it was to talk and mess around with people...

I FEEL SO FREE.

I think I'll feel "grown-up" once I conquer several of these childhood fears.