... but I sound so flirty when I talk... sigh, MAYBE I NEED A GIRLFRIEND so that it shows that I'm just talking and I just want to be friends..

SIGH IF ONLY I CAN GET OVER HER. But I refuse to let go...

And maybe I'm not letting go because of my pride... I'm reading this book.  This passage stuck me.

It wasn’t only Otohiko’s appearance that had changed. He had become closed and cautious, somehow, as it is so often with people who have desperately sought to preserve their pride, even as some cruel, twisted fate pursues them. (Banana Yoshimoto, n.p.)

The line I bolded struck me. I think I've always had really high pride but I sucked at everything... therefore everything I ever did hurt so much, and because of that I've became such a recluse...