February 19, 2013
Hi
This is my closure letter.
If this is TL;DR which can be judged by the size of this, then skip
to the last paragraph, because that’s
all I really want to say I guess. I
still feel that we are still friends, although we probably are not, so this is
my last message.
But please keep in mind that this is meant for me and myself
only. It is no way intended by any means
to revive the friendship, or anything else.
It took me so long to think about this, and I guess time is what was needed
to write this. I needed to be in a
mutual and purely genuine mood to write what I really feel and think, which can
only be felt in time. No feelings of
desperation, regret, clinginess, or apologizing. Total neutralness. And also, I just like writing letters, though
I rarely write them. This will be my
only letter, I try my best to keep my word, so please don’t categorize me, as
this will be the only one, my first and last (so I won’t be a creeper, sorry
but I really believed in our friendship, I didn’t think I’d end up being a
stranger because of all the things we’ve been through).
I need closure for myself, though. You probably don’t, but I do. I only care about my own feelings and
thoughts, and I can’t move on without something like this. You should know me, as I like being
organized. Unorganization bothers me,
and what could bother me more than an unorganized friendship? If this was your idea for revenge though,
you’ve got it. You won. And sorry about how long it took for me to
respond to what you did because… I really didn’t know what was going on. I wasn’t given much information to work with,
but I guess it’s my fault for not understanding you.
Sorry for always stalking you on Tumblr though. It was a reassurance for me, because I thought
“I wonder what Jess is up to”… “Oh, she’s just playing LoL”… Go, play and have
fun with your friends, and I was okay with that. But now I don’t even have that anymore (I
stopped my stalking attempts, you’re free to tumblr now, so sorry and embarrassed
about this but there’s nothing I can do…).
I don’t know what you’re up to, because now I feel the confirmation that
you really are ignoring me.
Two things I have learned to heart from an ex-friend (the
one who despises my existence), were to communicate, and to not assume. Those things are so important in any kind of
relationship, and I was hoping you would be able to talk to me… however, I am
only left with assumptions of why you would hate me now. I have narrowed it
down.
Okay, so my first thought was that maybe you didn’t get my
humor… about how openly jealous I was, but really, I thought you could have
just F3’d it off and I can be commedical like Ron where you constantly reject
him. Honestly I thought it would be
funny to show that I’m jealous all the time when you hang out with other people
even though I’m okay with it. I’ll never
get mad at you. I don’t ever get mad in
general. Only when I feel like I have to
be but only then it’ll still be an act because I’d laugh afterwards.
Second, is it because I sound different when I blog? Am I just not funny? And I guess I was showing some
passive-aggressiveness… maybe that’s the problem for people like me who don’t
get mad, we don’t show getting mad, but show it subtly. Sorry for falling for you, I tried to find
any signs that you’d like me back though so I tried to see if you would get
jealous or not, but I did it so subtle.
It was so dumb and immature, but I get it. I read the hints over and over and I’m okay.
I’m okay now. The only thing I’m not okay with is you not being there
for me anymore and not telling me what’s wrong.
Third, I don't talk to you about my problems, or my life in
general. I don’t do this to anyone actually unless they press me or if I’m
really intimidated. You seemed you never cared anyway, because I felt that you
never actually ask me anything. I didn’t
want to bother you. So I guess I hoped
you’d just be interested in me but I
guess I wasn’t interesting at all either way, but that’s okay, really. I only cared, or I’d like to think I did to
think that I cared for you very much. I don’t care about the reciprocation, but
only looking out for a fellow INFP.
Despite all of this, it’s over, isn’t it? I know you don’t revive friendships, and I
know you never recover from broken ones, but I’m just saying that it takes
effort for two, and I’m not giving up because I don’t like you and that I don’t
want to be your friend. It’s not that at
all. It’s because I don’t want to hinder
your growth in your development as a person, as I feel that you are only truly
beginning to experience the joys of life and I’m hoping that my absence in your
life will only enhance it. That’s why
this will be my first and only, my last letter (unless you respond with an open
ending in your response if you respond).
Thank you for being my best friend these four months of
summer. Thank you for the refined opal
ore. Thank you for that picture on my
birthday that I forgot to save onto my computer. Thank you for watching Anohana with me. Thank you for the song recommendations. Thank you for introducing me to PokeMMO and
dress up games. Thank you for the
attention. Thank you for opening up to me.
Thank you for those memorable late nights of just talking about
anything. Thank you for giving me a
better reason to get up in the morning.
Thank you for making the summer atmosphere refreshing. Good luck in the
future, best wishes, and have fun. I’ll
never forget your fierce prowess in the heat of Maple PvP, your individuality,
your beauty, your creativity, and how you forced me into a friendship I did not
deserve. Thank you for everything.
-jas0n
