The sad part was that... it was what I needed to truly love you. Why thank you for showing me what I really want out of love.  And I like it.  I like becoming the clingy person.  I guess...

I haven't been writing because I don't like using my brain.  I really hate the thought of thinking, but I have a few notes that I jot down that I thought would be useful for my person building process in the near future:

I fall for whoever I end up thinking about the most.  The timing matters, my mood matters a lot, that's just how I am.

I miss the days when the little things bothered me... like oh, she must be stinky, I can't like her because she's stinky... she doesn't ask how I'm doing, I don't like her because she doesn't care about me. That sort of thought.

So, the more I thought about it without tears and feelings, I've come to a decision of what my heart and mind is proud of.  It consists of five things that I must tell her when I encounter her the next time:

You started ignoring me because:

1. I sound different when I blog.  Am I just not funny?
2. I don't talk to you about my problems.  You seemed you never cared anyway.
3. You didn't get my humor of me being openly jealous.
4. You're going to be growing, and honestly I don't want to hold you back in any way... I don't want to be a problem or whatever so I just try talking to you once in awhile, I hope I wasn't all in your face about it because it really isn't what I was trying to do.
5. Am I that hard to talk to?  Why couldn't you tell me anything?

Clues that she didn't like me:

1. Doesn't ask how I'm doing.
2. "It was his loss." (Holy hell, you didn't even want to stay friends with the guy...)
3.  Talking about other guys to me

From Lessons and Fine Advice:

"Eighteen Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
Nineteen When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Twenty One Spend some time alone.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart."

Is it too late for the immediate steps?

But its only been a week and some since she found out... but why the fuck do I care?  Is it because I feel that I can relate so much?

No, it's because I do care, and I'm going insane by the second.  I don't want to assume shit either.  "Assume makes an ass out of u and me."