I woke up crying from a dream this morning. It was weird. In my dream...was like an alternate version of me. Well, its kind of like the same as my reality.
I was a pure social recluse. I've spent the last four years, which were years of high school, inside my house. I didn't go out, I didn't see anyone. However, I had memories of my friends from high school... it's weird, because I was actually starting high school again even though I had memories of high school prior to this. I've been away from school, not going out and ignoring everyone for four years. For some reason, high school was continuing, and I finally stepped out and went to school. I saw my old classmates or friends and they were all big and old. Everyone around the campus looked young and different as well. My old friends and classmates didn't give a shit about me though... didn't even care what I've been through, and I was even ignored. During passing period, or was it after class? I remember this huge wired fence around the school and I was just walking alone, having no where to go, because no one gave a shit about me.
I woke up crying after that. Holy fucking shit. Why the fuck was I crying? Maybe because no one really does give a shit lol. But it's okay, I'll be okay. I'm used to this, right? I have experience in this, right? But then again, experience is just a name we use as an excuse for our mistakes... right?
Anyways, after that, I went back to sleep and I had a dream about a hotel and pistachio or macadamia nuts. Like, the better we were as a person, we were served like bigger blocks of chocolate, but if we were at a lower level we were just served nuts. Such a weird dream. And there was also a side of it that included sex and nice bed sheets that I remember, but I really can't tie that in with what I think the premise of my dream was.
Socially, I guess I've been relatively okay. The girl I guess I liked doesn't talk to me anymore. I rekindled a friendship with someone I used to talk to a lot. I met this one girl who I think I can fall for but I don't really want to, but she's really nice because she approaches me, but I'm not falling for her because I can only like one girl at a time. Maybe the more, that girl who I don't talk to anymore, the more she doesn't talk to me, maybe the time and distance will extinguish my feelings for her? Hopefully that'll happen and that I'm really not in love.
I've also been thinking about the reasons why we talked before, and I think I've said it, but I'll say it again. Maybe our purpose isn't to reproduce, but to spread our opinions to others... to make everyone else similar? That's what I thought before, which was why we talked a lot, to convince others. But now I'm thinking differently... what if the purpose is just to create more diversity? Everyone's already different from our ancestor and we keep combining genetic material creating different offspring that are of course different from the parent. Yet, we talk, and so maybe everyone's trying to be an individual... as in, being different than everyone else, right? Some people think things are better than others because it'll help them survive maybe because you know, survival of the fittest, etc.... but what if the main purpose is to be different? I don't know what I'm saying, but maybe that's why we talk, to have different opinions and stuff. That's just what I think... for now. It's really fucking stupid.
Been also thinking why the fuck I wanted to get to know people at a deeper level before. Maybe it was because so I won't feel so bad being shallow... but did I really feel bad about being shallow? I don't think so, maybe I just don't like surprises and getting things over with so I can make a judgement and move on. Maybe I should just be like that. Be shallow, and be proud, and have fun. Fuck getting to know people. I get really bored talking to the same person all the time anyway... most of the time.
What's the fucking mystery? You go to work, eat three times a day and take one good shit.
HOLY JUMPING FUCKING SHIT BALLS
No comments:
Post a Comment