holy fucking shit.

I didn't think she was like that.  I didn't think she was STUPID. And I didn't think I was stupid.  Shit, I am stupid even though I'd like to think I'm smart, I know I'm stupid. Shit, why the fuck did I say that shit, holy shit, what the fuck, the fucking scared words.  I fucking said it. To HER. SHIT!!! HOLY SHIT I FEEL STUPID.  One of the worse feelings to ever feel is feeling STUPID.

But whatever, I'm done.  This is why I'm a loner, social recluse, I guess, I don't like associating myself with the world I refuse to believe.

Time to soak my sorrows in Xenogears.  It was nice though, this summer.  Though unfulfilled, it just confirmed my distrust in this world, and who my true friends are.

Now I need to focus, and get my mind into gear.  What's important to me are: family.  My future spouse would have been it, but I guess now's not the time for me. Strange enough though, it doesn't hurt at all.  I haven't shed a tear for her, I wonder if she would count as one of those.  ... NAH, probably not, maybe I've just grown, and you become more immune to bullshit as you grow up.  More immune to fairytales.  That's why fairytales are for kids.

Well, the fairytales for adults I guess would be science fiction, because it feels real, and is entertaining, so XENOGEARS IT IS.  But for now, Pump MEE up.

I'm not going to fall in love right now, I'll still wait for it to come to me. But fuck, knowing me and how I get close to other people, it's not going to happen anytime soon!

Her honestly was nice though, for a change.

Edit:  I wonder what would have happened if I said, STOP BEING STUPID, YOU HAVE ME, AREN'T I ENOUGH?!?! Or maybe not.  I don't know, I think I still need to grow though.  If I'm going to say something like that I have to really mean it, which would be when I'm fully secure about myself.