Reading e. e. cumming's biography is making me want to be like him. This is why I hate watching shows, animes, playing games, or reading books. Or watching videos. I get this urge to try to be someone else. But I guess it's good. I am so selfish when I want to do things my own way.
I didn't talk about the cute girl in my Tuesday class yet. I don't know if she is interested in me or whatever, but we had to talk to each other about the lesson the teacher was lecturing on. We had to make a group of four, and she was next to me so I had to let her be in my group, and then WTF. She's Filipino, came here three years ago, eats burgers at McDonald's, drinks... lots of Coke, lives with her three friends, doesn't cook, and her dad is from the same town my dad is from, except her dad is still there. I'm wondering why her family isn't over here. She works too so I wonder what she works as, and what is she studying for? Anyways, we contacted each other twice in a span of three hours. I felt that she was looking at me at times but I avoided looking at her because I'm naturally nervous and shy like that despite my confidence and good looks.
I don't know if it's just a Filipino thing, but she first initiated "what is your ethnicity?" Because when the teacher was calling out names, she somehow got my name. She said "your last name doesn't match your face!" (not exactly what she said. And my name sounds Mexican). Even Filipino people think I'm not Filipino because my eyes are so chinky and my hair is slightly disheveled. She knew I was Filipino somehow, and SOMEHOW she caught my name when the teacher was calling us, and maybe it was just so noticeable when she called my name out, that everyone in my class now knows my name. I don't know though, because I didn't catch HER name when the teacher called out her name. I caught her name the second time though. I LOVE her name. It doesn't bring any bad memories to me. And it doesn't start with the same letter as mine. AND the name is unused in my family so far.
But when class was over, she didn't say bye to me. I was going to say bye, but she avoided eye contact. The teacher passed our tests back in the end, maybe she's avoiding the conversation of what she got on it. Because maybe she did bad.
I should avoid this though. This is bad. My grades drop, my interests in everything else drop. When I feel infatuated. And if this develops to LOVE, then heartbreak after, I go on a standby recharge mode for an entire year. But then again, I've only felt LOVE or whatever online. I think I can handle it if it's a person to person thing. I will NOT add her on Facebook, MSN, or AIM. It has to be a phone number. OMG what if I stare at my phone then. OKAY. I'll just sit next to her and get to know her in the next class... only three class days left unfortunately.
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