repost (restart my heart)

Post in that site reminded me.

Every. Single.  Time.  I check any signs to see if she actually cared, and if she still thinks of it.  It's just not going away.  I guess I'm not doing my best in ridding these thoughts.  I am reminded in almost situation of her.  When I'm happy, I think of how much happier I was when she was in my life.  When I'm in a situation where I'm supposed to feel sad, I feel indifferent.  Stoic. In that I felt a stronger feeling of melancholy in which she influenced.  I like how I worded that previous sentence.  I'm not blaming her for anything, and she isn't to be blamed.  Anyways, every feeling, will be compared to love and nothing can compare.  At least for now.

Nobody knows.

But that's okay.  It's over here.  I'm exposing myself so easily... well, no one reads this so that's why.  That's why it's okay.

That is all.  Now I'm going back to my normal self. Booyaka.  Probably my last depressed post, hopefully.  Worst thing that I've been doing is not learning from my mistakes.  But then again, every situation is different so it's so difficult, especially in an attempt to be honest, and true to myself.  I'm tending to do what feels like.  And then I think, not to mix it up with being lazy, and being honest.  Whatever.   I'm going to do something now so I don't think like this.

I've been tempted to play a game with current graphics.  I'm thinking of an MMORPG.  Tataros Online, Final Fantasy XIV... my PC can't handle either of those.  It looks refreshing.  Hm, whatever, I don't really need to play those.  I'll be repeating a mistake, maybe, if I do.  MapleStory... it's not really a mistake but it's just that I lost certain stuff in the process, like the all you can learn buffet,  free textbooks in high school for instance.   I'm getting experience I don't need in things that I could have prevented. And really, deep down I don't want to change either... for now.

These posts feel like high school.  I'm only this way from the side affects of love. Or whatever it was.

ALSO, have to remind myself that I lose all my friends when I'm in that state.