deep?

I TRIED to have an open mind, but her idea of her relationship is just fucking ridiculous.  How can you call him boyfriend when you haven't FUCKING MET?!?! Physical appearance matters a lot.  You talk to him, he talks back.  YOU SEE NO EXPRESSIONS AT ALL.  WHAT THE FUCK.  I guess that's why she also says she GUESSES that she loves him.

Why the hell would you talk about your friend to HIS OWN FRIENDS. Stop talking shit about me.  I don't like it. FUCK I HATE HER.

Why the hell would you be nice to someone without even knowing them?  Because you don't want to come off as a douche, so they won't hurt your feelings.  Now I have my anger in it, I can send the fucking letter.

And me.  What the fuck is wrong with me.  I'm assuming how she'd be.

Is this really me?  I guess it is.  Will she still be my friend after hearing all this?  Hell no, it's not like her.  Maybe.  Maybe not.  Should I sent anger conspicuously?  A letter should have one feel throughout, however, or it won't make any sense of what you're trying to say.  Is this a form of weakness?  Trying to break her down?  I guess it is, she's sensitive.  I'm sensitive too, and I can't believe myself now, that I'm trying to compete with her.  What do I really want to feel?

I just want her to know me.  All of me.  And to respect me.  I feel so abused, and exhausted when I think of her.  Thinking of her makes me want to scream in the inside until my guts implode out of my body.  She makes me want to explode of hurt and anger.  She makes me want to exert pressure into my heart until the last beat comes off as a bang, causing a chain reaction against all my other organs to just... burst as well.

This IS mentally exhausting.  And what's worse, she'll keep it with her forever, and I know she would.  And it's been a part of me already.  What a fucking disgrace.  But does this disgrace REALLY matter?

Changing the world shit.  Helping people shit.  Making the world a better place shit.  DOES IT REALLY MATTER?!?!

I guess the only thing that matters, and the only THING that you genuinely care about.  The ONLY thing that causes things to happen, and to make you feel this way IS YOU.  Or me, because I'm thinking about myself.  And YES THIS FUCKING DISGRACE MATTERS TO ME.

But I can let it go, and say whatever.  No one in my life, my real life knows about this anyway.  I'll keep it to myself, and tuck it in this website.

It IS all about attitude.  It IS about how it makes you feel.  Because how you feel determines the world. That's my quote to others.  "How you feel, determines the world."  It's all about attitude.  Contain it, control it, live it.