I don't have that fire in my eyes. I don't have that spark to get me going, to do the best I can in school. Why do I have so much motivation in trying to deal with her? Why can't I have the same relationship I have with her as with school?
Maybe if I keep saying that I don't have this spark, I'll never find this spark. Because I always think I can do better, but I never do better, I'm always doing worse. I have to look at the big picture, and through the eyes of Jupiter: I suck.
Or maybe it really is the committed heart. The committed heart knows what it wants. I genuinely want to be with her for the rest of my life. And if I can't, I don't know what to live for. Being with her surpasses everything else I have experienced. I wonder why that is, it's only her that's making me feel this way. Even if I do good in school, even if I get the best grades, if I can't be with her, I'll feel the same way. Failing in school is the same way as getting a 4.0 GPA to me if I can't be with her.
Anyways, with her, I'm going to take it slow. But I'll admit, talking about myself makes me feel really egotistical and weak. But I guess it has to be done if I want her to learn more about me.
-Being away from her hurts more than knowing that she'll never love me.
-I need to think of her and me in the future, that we will be together. That will motivate me. But it won't, because we'll never be together.
-Hurts that I can't say I love you.
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