wow seriously?!?!

So here I am, being and thinking so happily, that I'm LISTENING to her, that I'm TELLING HER THE TRUTH, and that I'm doing my best, doing what she tells me to do, TALKING to her.  But APPARENTLY, I'm NOT.  What.  The. Fuck.  Seriously.  WHAT THE HELL?!??!

What the hell, we just became friends again and she's criticizing me for every little thing that I did.  She gets mad at every little thing that I did.  And she's still mad about it and gets mad at me later on for it.  What the hell, she's making me feel REALLY bad, and now I'm REALLY irritated and annoyed.  I don't like her, and I don't like where this is heading.

She's flat out lying, and she doesn't know it yet she's telling me all these little things that I don't remember, and if I did remember it, she's remembering it wrong.  There wasn't one time when she said that I was annoying her.  She says I'm not listening, but I DO.  Maybe it's just the way I am that she's annoyed about, and I shouldn't assume, but I'm doing that anyways because THAT'S WHO I AM.  I'm shy.  I get paranoid.  Of course shy people would think like that, and I'm not doing it to irritate her, it's just my way of thinking, and its just my response, so I hope she lets it go. I can't help but think like that.

But I guess I have to work on it.

And then I think again.. for what?  It's for her.  She's my friend.  But all she does is annoy me, ESPECIALLY right now, and it's getting on my nerves.  I want to keep what I said about how I like her and how I want to continue being friends but is it that important?  At this moment, I hope she just says "I NEVER WANT TO TALK TO YOU AGAIN." And then I'll get it, and I can finally let go and go away for good.  Seriously, I hate how she's talking about it, and it's making me even MORE UNCOMFORTABLE that she's talking about me to her friend.

Ugh.  I am so annoyed.

Falling for her, and committing myself to her are some of the worst mistakes I made in life. At this moment.

So what should I do?  Stop talking to her.  Talk to my friends that make me feel better.  Talk to my friends that respect me.  But that will not make me a better person.  I have to resolve the issues with her.  AND after that, I can leave her.