I Can't Believe I'm Done Doing Nothing

Yes, even nothing comes to an end... at least, for me.

Or maybe what I am about to embark on, is actually nothing.

Well, it IS nothing.

Anyways, it is the end of a lot of things.

• The Pokemon marathon will soon end.  
• The 3DS generation is almost ending.  
• TSeries has pretty much overtook the Pewds on YouTube subscriptions (so corporate overlords won and will always win).  
• I have pretty much every game that I wanted, and I pretty much lost interest in playing anything, except for a desire to purchase these indie games which I will never buy.  
• Not many people use Tumblr anymore.
• Smash Ultimate released.  Stipulation school done.
• Persona 5 director won't direct Persona anymore.
• Tetsuya Takahashi pretty much told his whole Xeno story thing.
• Keyakizaka46 oshis graduated, and I just do not feel like learning about the 2nd gen.
• Warriors look like it will be their last year as a superteam.
• AKB48 pretty much are falling apart, I can't think of an active member to oshi.
•  My FFBE account became a guest account, and my rank has reached 200+ (207 in two days probably).  
• All my characters in my FFRK account are also 99, and I have 229 max Stamina (do I really need to continue playing this?).  
• Game YouTube scandal guy
• Girl I like is probably already in a relationship.
• A cousin who is younger than me is getting married.
• 2020

What else...

Yeah.

Oh, I forgot to mention that I was just accepted into my Nursing Program of choice.  That's the main reason why it is the end of everything.

I didn't blog yet in March... or did I?

M O T I V A T I O N A L  S E L F H A T E
E X I S T E N T I A L  G U I L T

(Also, my favorite youtuber liked and pinned a comment of mine!)

Other three things I've learned from them...

Importance of: humor, communication, and ego.

I've been beating up my ego for so much, thinking that the ego is humanity's enemy, but really, I think as individuals, we should all nurture it.  Life is all about nurturing our egos.  We have to protect it.  

To Christian people who do not like quiet people, I'll just tell them God is the same way.

I feel much more confident in writing now, since I got a 90 in the grammar section of my HESI exam.

I also completed the World of Light mode in Smash Ultimate.  I think I won't write video game reviews after each and every game I play.  I will just write thoughts.

This is the first Smash game to own though.  I missed every entry, I essentially did not own an N64 until way later, I had a SNES for the longest times during my youth.  My dad bought a PS2 rather than a Gamecube for the DVD player actually, so no Meelee either.  Skipped the next generation of consoles, so missed out on Brawl, and I have the White Wii U that can't even make a save file of Smash for Wii U.

But I did play all of them.  My cousin rented it once, so I played the N64 version for like... less than an hour or so.  My friend lent me the Gamecube, Meelee and a bunch of games, so I played that.  Was mostly Kirby and Pikachu.  I remember going to a friend's house for a Physics project and we played that game afterwards.  I won with Pikachu, using cheap long range attacks in this round space stage.  A friend brought Brawl over as well, and I watched him play, but fell asleep during it.  He also lent me the Wii U version, but I did not play it because I could not save the game.

So my thoughts so far in the game are:

-I felt like I appreciated the game much more after watching MatPat's theories on Smash Bros.
-I feel like I should be better at this game since my very first game that I actually beat was Kirby SuperStar and the controls should have been similar.
-I don't like how default for jump is the X button when it should be the B button like in Kirby SuperStar
-Analogue movement sucks, I wish there was an option to use the D pad.
-It reminds me of MapleStory PvP.
-This should be my final video game.
-Wished World of Light had a two player option.  Maybe they will implement it later like Shovel Knight?
-I get really mad when I lose, but the more I play, I don't get as mad.
-I was at 20 hours in World of Light, Day 2 when I had the game.
-I had the game since... Tuesday?  And I think I'm at 50 hours.

Yeah, bring on the successful young people so I can reminded of how old I am..

I really really do need to be reminded.

I think it's easier to talk to people as you get older.  We all share this genuine "what's the point, really" in the back of our minds.  Unless you're a dumbass.

It's probably just stress and anxiety.  I should be studying for this really easy exam, but I'm not.  If this was ten years earlier, I would probably be absorbed in some video game.  I am quickly losing interest in games though... I try to play one game at a time, so right now it's Tokyo Mirage Sessions.  I decided to play this before my interest in idols wane, as  Keyakizaka46 is falling part.  Other than that, I'm trying to finish Dragon Warrior VII on the PSOne.

I'm also reading this other book, or at least tried to... I will force myself to read to the end of the chapter.  I can see how books are written well, but sometimes I just don't care.  Or most of the time actually, I just don't care.

I was thinking about high school a lot too, how I would always think of myself as a loner.  But I wasn't.  I had so many friends, and people out there willing to talk to me... but I just did not know how to interact.  Interactions at home are all filled with inside jokes.  Also, I looked forward to going home all day and everything outside of home really did not matter.  I was too full of self-pity.  I really did had many friends, all I had to do was talk like a normal person, which I am fully capable of.  I was thinking of my past friendships, in high schol or middle school alone, with wonderful interactions I have, and I've counted more than 20.  There was more than 20 people that I bonded with. Or actually, maybe because I always felt myself blushing, and I'd probably turn gay or something.  Becoming gay scared me back then, but I'm not gay because I think about girls.  This one girl isn't talking to me, even though I talk to her a lot, and it's making me feel bad I guess. But it should be understandable because she's in Nursing school.  She wouldn't like me back anyway, I am too unstable for anything.

Yeah, I am bipolar as heck.

Staying home is boring now though.  I miss being around other people. I feel like I'm forced into reflecting on the past.  That's what being alone does to me, forces me to think of everything.

I wasn't at home today though, I actually went out to my dad's goddaughter's Christening reception.  The food was good but I did not think about dessert, so I did not eat dessert.  The baby was cute though, and has a cool name.  Reminds me of Mother 3.

I also tried Maple Story 2.  I don't like the graphics.  The aesthetic of the environment models are nice, it's just the top down perspective.  I see the top of character's heads, especially compared with the first MapleStory, MapleStory just looked a lot better, I could see what's going on.  Also, having no Buddy Chat killed the game for me.  I would want to play the first MapleStory again, but it's just so depressing logging in and seeing all my buddy's names on my buddy list being offline.  The game is also just so different, leveling up is different and solo hunting is no longer optimal. All the numbers popping up in the screen annoys me. All the quests to keep track of, the dailies and events, people running around in Cash Shop gear, equipment enhancements, everything is just annoying in that game. 

Also, why do I still have teenage angst?  I am an old man.  Grrr...