It's probably just stress and anxiety.  I should be studying for this really easy exam, but I'm not.  If this was ten years earlier, I would probably be absorbed in some video game.  I am quickly losing interest in games though... I try to play one game at a time, so right now it's Tokyo Mirage Sessions.  I decided to play this before my interest in idols wane, as  Keyakizaka46 is falling part.  Other than that, I'm trying to finish Dragon Warrior VII on the PSOne.

I'm also reading this other book, or at least tried to... I will force myself to read to the end of the chapter.  I can see how books are written well, but sometimes I just don't care.  Or most of the time actually, I just don't care.

I was thinking about high school a lot too, how I would always think of myself as a loner.  But I wasn't.  I had so many friends, and people out there willing to talk to me... but I just did not know how to interact.  Interactions at home are all filled with inside jokes.  Also, I looked forward to going home all day and everything outside of home really did not matter.  I was too full of self-pity.  I really did had many friends, all I had to do was talk like a normal person, which I am fully capable of.  I was thinking of my past friendships, in high schol or middle school alone, with wonderful interactions I have, and I've counted more than 20.  There was more than 20 people that I bonded with. Or actually, maybe because I always felt myself blushing, and I'd probably turn gay or something.  Becoming gay scared me back then, but I'm not gay because I think about girls.  This one girl isn't talking to me, even though I talk to her a lot, and it's making me feel bad I guess. But it should be understandable because she's in Nursing school.  She wouldn't like me back anyway, I am too unstable for anything.

Yeah, I am bipolar as heck.

Staying home is boring now though.  I miss being around other people. I feel like I'm forced into reflecting on the past.  That's what being alone does to me, forces me to think of everything.

I wasn't at home today though, I actually went out to my dad's goddaughter's Christening reception.  The food was good but I did not think about dessert, so I did not eat dessert.  The baby was cute though, and has a cool name.  Reminds me of Mother 3.

I also tried Maple Story 2.  I don't like the graphics.  The aesthetic of the environment models are nice, it's just the top down perspective.  I see the top of character's heads, especially compared with the first MapleStory, MapleStory just looked a lot better, I could see what's going on.  Also, having no Buddy Chat killed the game for me.  I would want to play the first MapleStory again, but it's just so depressing logging in and seeing all my buddy's names on my buddy list being offline.  The game is also just so different, leveling up is different and solo hunting is no longer optimal. All the numbers popping up in the screen annoys me. All the quests to keep track of, the dailies and events, people running around in Cash Shop gear, equipment enhancements, everything is just annoying in that game. 

Also, why do I still have teenage angst?  I am an old man.  Grrr...