Two more hours until the end of my birthday...

This morning, I've tried to recall the highlights of my birthdays from my eighth birthday until now... I did not think about my birthdays before I turned 8, since those were already captured in family videos.

9th birthday- Probably got Pokemon cards.  I remember my family's road trip to Washington and buying an Overgrowth theme deck.  My cousin Karen also got me three Jungle Blister packs from Target, since she worked there at the time.  It was the summer of Pokemon.

10th birthday- I remember Las Vegas.  My cousin Daniel won me a big Bulbasaur plushie.  I also think I got a Pokemon T-shirt from my brother's friend Vashal.  Also, maybe this was the year I was very spoiled and got a pig and M&M plushie... or was that the year before?  My cousin Bryan also lent us the Sega Genesis and Sega Saturn.  Maybe I also got the Misty Pokemon Theme deck around this time.

11th birthday-  This big box of Pokemon Cards... Topps Pokemon Cards as well from Toys R Us. My family was also in the process of moving.  We went to the Flee Market a couple of times this summer.

12th birthday- Went to Legoland, Disneyland, and Las Vegas I think.  Got Legend of Mana as well.  My cousin Bryan was with us, right before leaving for the Navy. I remember him saying 40 bucks for Legend of Mana was expensive.

13th birthday-  Got a GBA SP and Zelda a Link to the Past before going on a trip to Montreal. I remember this because I brought it on the trip with me, and I went to the movies with my cousin Don to see S.W.A.T. and I had to be 13 to see it.

14th birthday-  Got a desktop computer.  I forgot if I got a video game.  I think I was really addicted to the computer at this point, it was the first year I really went online.  I did not play MapleStory yet, but I did download a bunch of anime and tried out Gunbound, on a dial-up connection.

15th birthday-  Got a bunch of stuff, I remember getting a Naruto and Kakashi plush, and Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.   Also went to the Philippines around this time.  And Disneyland with the Mok.

16th birthday- Hmm.  Went to the Grand Canyon this summer. I remember my brother graduated high school  too, and I invited Stella, Anthony, Vince, and Kevin to my birthday.  Vince brought his Gamecube over and we sang karaoke.

17th birthday-  I got a Nintendo DS Lite and Pokemon Diamond.  I brought it with me to this cruise to Mexico, and I stayed in the cabin playing it.

18th birthday-  I was trying to finish up Xenosaga Episode III and was sad of how old I was getting.

19th birthday- My friend Sophia rejected me.  Also had a random party with Ingo, Ronnie, uncle Bobby, and Kevin and his mom, but what I temember the most was just staying upstairs with the lights off.

20th birthday- I think this was the birthday where I was full of angst.  I do not remember doing anything, except probably yard work with my dad.

21st birthday- I probably played MapleStory PvP or something.

22nd birthday-  I remember my friend Jess drawing a picture of my MapleStory character.  I was always chatting with those guys, Jess, Ron, and Steph.

23rd birthday-  Laptop.

24th birthday-  3DS and Pokemon X.

25th birthday-   I invited my university friends Geary and Lydia over and we played the Nintendo 64 and walked around my city.

26th birthday-  I got a bunch of AKB48 stuff.

27th birthday- Got a bunch of Wii U stuff.

28th birthday:

It's a little fuzzy around my 9th, 10th, and 11th birthday.  I most likely mixed them up.  I know there was a lot of Pokemon going on in those years for sure though.

2012-2016... what did I gain...

Maybe I looked at more comedy stand-ups, and started valuing my own willpower, and how it is only my willpower that can get things done and nothing else..

What else was there... maybe I learned to apologize after fights much faster, though my apologies still feel more wreckless.  Maybe I should wait a day at max to apologize so I can say everything that needs to be said... nah, I think it should be quick and innocent with no excuses, not mattering how choppy the apology should sound.

What else... I was introduced to 48/46 G, Keyakizaka46 is a pretty big thing to me.  There was also Tumblr, watching e-sports, and finding some cool popular streamers with demeaners that hollywood does not value.  Like, it's actually cool to not be over-the-top loud and annoying, and just being calm and cool is sufficient enough to befriend people.

I also started reading actual novels around that time that helped comfort me, and build more empathy and sympathy to the world and society.

Yeah, they were not wasted years.

I think it’s easier for me to understand people who do not say anything rather than people who talk all the time.

Oh cool, there's a name for it and it's actually a thing.  EXISTENTIAL DEPRESSION.

Theworlddoesn'towemeanything
theworddoesn'towemeanything
theworlddoesn'towemeanything

I think this year's fourth of July was the first time ever, in all 4th of Julys that I lived, where I did not go out, or look out my window for any fireworks.  I just did not care.

This is also unrelated, but I think there are two types of people, the people who seek power in some kind of form, and the"anti" power people.  The anti power people reject all kinds of power, end up being a silly and funny kind of person (this includes people with beliefs), but actually, deep inside, desire power.  But they just deny this desire.

If all you ever do is count your blessings, you'll go nowhere...

 which is exactly where I want to be.

Because everything is about me...

I hate busy people.

Only because when people are busy, they are not letting their mind go wild.  I want people to think and remember random parts of their past.  I want them to.. randomly think about me.  Me, me, me, me!!!  And all the dead people in the world.  But I want them to remember me, most of all.  Because...

Why didn't I get an invite to my high school reunion?