So I am a bit happy right now.  But being happy means that the next wave of sadness will hurt me hard.  Defense mode.

Damn, I can still feel the burn on my left cheek from the flourescent light, attempting to take a perfect selfie two days ago :(

Spent like 40 minutes and could not even get a single good picture or pose.  I gave up when my eyes started hurting.

Welp, have to go back to society sooner or later even though I am not fully healed.  (Maybe society will heal me. )

After each chapter, an Encyclopedia of Human Nature from the far future intervenes, and alternates after each chapter.  Each encyclopedia describes the interaction between the human and the it.

I think I live for the moment of always wanting to go home, and then finally arriving home. 

The Australians left yesterday.  They did not have an Australian accent though.  I guess only certain parts of Australia have accents.  Or maybe I just did not talk to them much to notice.

You know how in the bus it is common courtesy to let the person sitting in front of you to go first to exit the bus before yourself?

Well, this one girl did not let me leave first. She was behind me, but I felt her presence standing up while the bus was still in motion and ran to the door to exit first when the bus came to a halt.  I guess she was late to class.

But I started laughing when I exited the bus.  I must have looked really dumb, but in my head that "you didn't have to cut me off" song started playing.

Knowing that I have friends bring an enormous amount of confidence in me.  I feel like I can act myself around other people even when my friends are not near me.

But when the friendship is broken, or when the feelings are fading, my confidence shatters...

I feel so naturally flirty when I am out there, and I can only act this way when I know I have a friend out there waiting to talk to me everyday.  It is so easy to communicate with other people knowing you have a stable friendship.  But it is broken.  It has been broken for a year.

When I'm not working on a friendship, or when I just do not have a solid friendship thing, I get anxious around everyone... this is why I have to maintain and do everything I can to save or keep a friendship.  Not for the friendship itself but for my own confidence.  This is selfish, but it really is the truth.  Or maybe it is just how I feel.

I have been also thinking about the truth and feelings.  When things end up the way I do not want it to or when I feel that I should be feeling something else rather than what I want I am feeling, is that when I am supposed to lie?