Knowing that I have friends bring an enormous amount of confidence in me.  I feel like I can act myself around other people even when my friends are not near me.

But when the friendship is broken, or when the feelings are fading, my confidence shatters...

I feel so naturally flirty when I am out there, and I can only act this way when I know I have a friend out there waiting to talk to me everyday.  It is so easy to communicate with other people knowing you have a stable friendship.  But it is broken.  It has been broken for a year.

When I'm not working on a friendship, or when I just do not have a solid friendship thing, I get anxious around everyone... this is why I have to maintain and do everything I can to save or keep a friendship.  Not for the friendship itself but for my own confidence.  This is selfish, but it really is the truth.  Or maybe it is just how I feel.

I have been also thinking about the truth and feelings.  When things end up the way I do not want it to or when I feel that I should be feeling something else rather than what I want I am feeling, is that when I am supposed to lie?