Final Resort

-Dragging multiple mutual friends in.

As much as I don't like help... I NEED it. There is no other way.

-I've sent more buddy requests than we have talked...

-Maybe she was the patient one and I was the impatient one...

Bother Bother Bother

I'm annoyed at what I did in MapleStory.

I transferred my only Adventurer Warrior to another server, when I should have transferred my thief.  There will be a revamp soon where Adventurers can switch their 2nd jobs, and I already have two theives on one server, on the main server I play on, and I have no warriors.  This means I have to either transfer my warrior back, or make a new one, and I have to get rid of my 2nd thief somehow.

It's bothering me so much now that I feel like quitting.

-There are NO miracles.

-Stick with being skeptical so you'll be right in the end.

-All bad things happening are there for me to finally force me to kill myself.

-Life is NOT worth living.

-Being honest is STUPID.

-God's dvine plan: WE ALL DIE.  Because there's a 100% chance that everyone eventually dies.

What hurts me the most now is how long its been, and how it meant nothing to her...

hatehatehatehatehatehatehate.

Must always use my mind.  If my heart and mind try working together, my heart will overpower my mind no matter what.  Better choose one or the other, and the better one will always be the mind.

Acceptance Phase, Part 2

Writing this kind of hurts, but thinking about writing it hurts more, so I might as well get over it by just writing it.

-I should have known that it wasn't just us two.  She was talking to other people besides me, despite how shy she said she was, and how special she made me feel.
-I should have got the hints of how she didn't watch my "justification" videos when we semi-argued, and how she refused to see where I come from.
-I should have got the hint when she never asked how I was doing.
-I should have got the hint when she replied and continued to go out with this other guy.
-I should have known that it wasn't me when she said I was "too calm"

Holy shit I'm dense as hell.

"It's obvious you can't you get a hint..."

Not really, I was just in denial...

No matter how deeps the talks we had, it meant nothing to her, but it meant so much to me... I can't believe how dumb I was to fall this hard... but then again she just seemed so perfect for me.

It's so annoying how there wasn't any closure.  She's inconsiderate as hell.  Now I know how it feels to not bring closures.  I wouldn't have to resort to that if she could have just told me things...

But maybe something like this was supposed to happen to me, to teach me how unpredictable things are and to not take anything for granted.

I give it..  three more weeks until this phase is over.

You know why I'm having such a terrible time moving on?

There was no fucking closure.

Be considerate fucking idiot.