I feel much more confident in writing now, since I got a 90 in the grammar section of my HESI exam.

I also completed the World of Light mode in Smash Ultimate.  I think I won't write video game reviews after each and every game I play.  I will just write thoughts.

This is the first Smash game to own though.  I missed every entry, I essentially did not own an N64 until way later, I had a SNES for the longest times during my youth.  My dad bought a PS2 rather than a Gamecube for the DVD player actually, so no Meelee either.  Skipped the next generation of consoles, so missed out on Brawl, and I have the White Wii U that can't even make a save file of Smash for Wii U.

But I did play all of them.  My cousin rented it once, so I played the N64 version for like... less than an hour or so.  My friend lent me the Gamecube, Meelee and a bunch of games, so I played that.  Was mostly Kirby and Pikachu.  I remember going to a friend's house for a Physics project and we played that game afterwards.  I won with Pikachu, using cheap long range attacks in this round space stage.  A friend brought Brawl over as well, and I watched him play, but fell asleep during it.  He also lent me the Wii U version, but I did not play it because I could not save the game.

So my thoughts so far in the game are:

-I felt like I appreciated the game much more after watching MatPat's theories on Smash Bros.
-I feel like I should be better at this game since my very first game that I actually beat was Kirby SuperStar and the controls should have been similar.
-I don't like how default for jump is the X button when it should be the B button like in Kirby SuperStar
-Analogue movement sucks, I wish there was an option to use the D pad.
-It reminds me of MapleStory PvP.
-This should be my final video game.
-Wished World of Light had a two player option.  Maybe they will implement it later like Shovel Knight?
-I get really mad when I lose, but the more I play, I don't get as mad.
-I was at 20 hours in World of Light, Day 2 when I had the game.
-I had the game since... Tuesday?  And I think I'm at 50 hours.

Yeah, bring on the successful young people so I can reminded of how old I am..

I really really do need to be reminded.

I think it's easier to talk to people as you get older.  We all share this genuine "what's the point, really" in the back of our minds.  Unless you're a dumbass.

It's probably just stress and anxiety.  I should be studying for this really easy exam, but I'm not.  If this was ten years earlier, I would probably be absorbed in some video game.  I am quickly losing interest in games though... I try to play one game at a time, so right now it's Tokyo Mirage Sessions.  I decided to play this before my interest in idols wane, as  Keyakizaka46 is falling part.  Other than that, I'm trying to finish Dragon Warrior VII on the PSOne.

I'm also reading this other book, or at least tried to... I will force myself to read to the end of the chapter.  I can see how books are written well, but sometimes I just don't care.  Or most of the time actually, I just don't care.

I was thinking about high school a lot too, how I would always think of myself as a loner.  But I wasn't.  I had so many friends, and people out there willing to talk to me... but I just did not know how to interact.  Interactions at home are all filled with inside jokes.  Also, I looked forward to going home all day and everything outside of home really did not matter.  I was too full of self-pity.  I really did had many friends, all I had to do was talk like a normal person, which I am fully capable of.  I was thinking of my past friendships, in high schol or middle school alone, with wonderful interactions I have, and I've counted more than 20.  There was more than 20 people that I bonded with. Or actually, maybe because I always felt myself blushing, and I'd probably turn gay or something.  Becoming gay scared me back then, but I'm not gay because I think about girls.  This one girl isn't talking to me, even though I talk to her a lot, and it's making me feel bad I guess. But it should be understandable because she's in Nursing school.  She wouldn't like me back anyway, I am too unstable for anything.

Yeah, I am bipolar as heck.

Staying home is boring now though.  I miss being around other people. I feel like I'm forced into reflecting on the past.  That's what being alone does to me, forces me to think of everything.

I wasn't at home today though, I actually went out to my dad's goddaughter's Christening reception.  The food was good but I did not think about dessert, so I did not eat dessert.  The baby was cute though, and has a cool name.  Reminds me of Mother 3.

I also tried Maple Story 2.  I don't like the graphics.  The aesthetic of the environment models are nice, it's just the top down perspective.  I see the top of character's heads, especially compared with the first MapleStory, MapleStory just looked a lot better, I could see what's going on.  Also, having no Buddy Chat killed the game for me.  I would want to play the first MapleStory again, but it's just so depressing logging in and seeing all my buddy's names on my buddy list being offline.  The game is also just so different, leveling up is different and solo hunting is no longer optimal. All the numbers popping up in the screen annoys me. All the quests to keep track of, the dailies and events, people running around in Cash Shop gear, equipment enhancements, everything is just annoying in that game. 

Also, why do I still have teenage angst?  I am an old man.  Grrr...

Hmm... and Things I miss in College.

Playing DDR in the morning improves my mood by a lot and has a lasting effect throughout the day.

My top three favorite YouTubers are all in different age groups. Eric Dodson is in his 50s, HCG is in his 40s, Reasonant Arc are in their 30s.

My HESI review book is really thin.

I had this thought that I wanted to write about, but I forgot what that thought was.

The atmosphere is also very... smokey.  From all the fires.  I have this cool Supreme mask that I wear over my regular mask.

I do not think I want the new Pokemon game very much... since I do not play Pokemon Go.  My Switch is not even connected to the TV anymore, my Wii U is connected. Wii U connects to the internet faster and I like it best for YouTube.

There are also a lot of people born in 1991 that have already achieved some of my conceived life dreams.  And I am okay with it, if I see the world as one person, then I have already achieved these dreams.  Or I guess I already achieved these dreams a long time ago.  If my own vessel, me, myself, personally achieved those dreams... it would only be some ego thingie, and the world could actually use less ego thingies.

I like dancing a lot.  When I start making money for myself I think I'll just spend it on Dance workshops.

I remember the thought that I wanted to write about.  It was how I miss University a whole lot.  I probably felt bad the whole time I was there, but looking back on it, I miss it.  I miss staying in the library crying all day in the corner reading Murakami books rather than studying. I miss playing basketball in the wellness center with random people.  I miss listening to my Ipod in the 1 hour shuttle and train rides.

I miss my girl friends.  I miss Kiana, who, when I was having girl problems, told me that "she's missing out" out of the blue.  I miss Lisa, who told me "I like the way you think."  It's like those words mitigated some of my past problems. I miss this Burma girl, who said that "no one thinks like me."  Which I like, because I willfully try to be different. I miss Caroline, who would tell me to talk to her the same way she talks to me.  And even Rose, who was almost my partner for math, and shared her grammar book with me. And the 23 year old half Filipina girl who likes Blake Griffin who worked at a movie theater and said I was her new best friend, and that Bi girl who knocked on the car window and liked Frida Kahlo. And the girl that writes snailmail as a creative hobby with a twin who hugged me.  And Tomoka from Japan who now has a baby who also hugged me. And my chemistry lab partner Miu, who had a funny accent.

I miss my friend friends, Mike, who I would play Pokemon with in his then girlfriend's dorm and gleep a bunch of apples from the cafeteria.  I miss calling Louis to play basketball with him in the gym or just waiting out until our next classes.  I miss Peter, who I would ride with in BART and learn about Zambia in Africa.  I looked deep in his eyes once and felt super gay.  I miss Geary, who would be essentially, one of those friends to just hang out with. Or even Rubin and that other 30 something year old Mexican guy in the back where we would talk about basketball and Pokemon Alphia Sapphire. And lab partner Chen, who would say that he's worried about me. I miss that slobbering random Asian guy in my Genetics class, and the random Chinese people in the basketball court who would tell me "Super shot!" when I make consecutive three's.  And that black guy who informed me about the Rec center.  Yeah, I forgot their names. 

I miss tutoring Randy and Chris, and my supervisor who would tell me that I'm awesome.

I miss going to school and longing to go home. Especially home to my friends Olivia, May, and Kathy, and later on, Steph, in MapleStory PvP.

I miss those random activities in my pre-teaching lessons, like how I was creative enough to come up with the Silent Movie idea, or how my dance choreo looked really cool, or that discussion group in Sarvasy's class, how we had a potluck in the end, or, or, or.. how I was just talking in front of a group of people.  Yeah, I miss that too even though I know I choke all the time.  Maybe it was because I never talk at all throughout the day, and when given the opportunity to talk, in a public speaking assignment, I'm able to just release everything.  It's such a relief feeling just being able to talk in general.

Yeah, I miss talking.  So, I'm going to talk to myself. Talk aloud to myself.  At least, when no one is within 5 meters from me.

Oh, and I miss my CNA program.  I miss...  tutoring Tavia, and how she looks like she's chewing something and how she would get random seizures, and how she would be mean to everyone else except me.  But it kind of scared me when she told me "I was thinking about you all night" but it also made me feel good when she said I was so nice.  And I miss.. I forgot her name, was it Brittney?  Yeah, she told me "Jason, you are inspiring."  And that I was so energetic.  Maybe that's why I decided to choose Nursing.  It's more action based and stuff and it's really in my blood.

College ended around 2014 for me.  I started getting seriously into Nursing late 2016.  For the two years in between I was hikikomori, but I was reading a lot too.

Highlights for 2015... My brother came back from living in SoCal. I missed the New Year's count down. Before that, I was planning to kill myself, but my friend Amy said she's going to SF and could meet me in April, so I though I might as well meet her before I kill myself.  You could say, she saved my life. I think I started it off by playing Persona Q, until late February.  In March I set up the big TV in the living room.  I went on Tumblr a lot, tried to learn League of Legends but watched Twitch.tv instead.  I was reading One Piece.  I played a lot of Xbox DDR.  When April came, I finally met up with my long time friend Amy.  I probably came off as an anxious asshole though.  I watched a lot of Initial D.  I went to AX in July and saw Steph again, hoping I would bump into Jess.  I read Harry Potter again.  I played a lot of Final Fantasy Record Keeper.  I went to San Jose with my brother to his friend's place, where his friend told me he thought I was 12.  I celebrated my birthday with my personal friends for the first time, who are not my brother's friends, Geary and Lydia.   I went on a road trip with my dad and his remaining siblings, north, east, and south.  I tried getting back into MapleStory, playing the limited time Pink Bean class and started again on the Reboot server. After January 2016, I finally ended the annoying pretentious thing with Jess that plagued me for four years.

And then throughout 2016, it was Kpop's GFriend, and then AKB48 all day until I started going back to school in mid- August. Then blah blah blah school, met Nina, Anne Jolene, Tracey, Ariana, Brooklyn, Sundance, Meeka, Raquel, Tenzin, Lauren, and Patricia (and later on El Salvadorean girl) while getting really into Keyakizaka46.  Then blah blah blah played Wii U and SNES Classic, met up with Sarah, and Sophia who I've known for almost ten years at this point but meeting in person for the first time (I don't think she likes me very much), then more school online, along with a lot of cool Video Essays on Youtube... and... Nintendo Switch, and more school with incompetant group mates while harvesting three van fulls of persimmon and watching a Pokemon marathon and here I am.

I just finished the first Xenoblade game yesterday... and just woah, the last few hours of that game is a masterpiece.  But the beginning hours was so boring... I am thinking this Xenoblade had the best ending, Xenoblade X had the best beginning, and Xenoblade 2 had the best middle climatic parts.

You get money to be social.  Money is a social thingie.

I was looking at this list of billionaires, and one of them is a 23 year old from Norway.  I looked through her instagram and she was going for Bernie Sanders.  She also likes the Simpsons a lot.  That's super cute. I did not know billionaires had such heart.

What I've been up to?... ?!?!?...

Pokemon all day on Twitch Tv.
Pathophysiology and Nursing Waiting List Hell.
I got straight As.

I do really well in school when I am not distracted by g1r1.

Now I'm trying to get all I can out of Xenoblade 2.  With Torna and the main game, I played over 300 hours.