The earthquake should have came sooner. Like on August 11. Same place, but sooner. Same place in Napa. A few miles up north from where I live, and right where Robin Williams lived...
Perhaps it could have saved Robin Williams. He ties the belt around his neck, suspending it in the closet, successfully has everything down. All he needs to do is wait a few minutes to die... but suddenly, EARTHQUAKE, and the belt falls, thus he falls, saving his life.
Tuesday, August 26, 2014
Monday, August 25, 2014
I just could never translate it into words
And I still can't.
Ever since my birth, I did not want to see the world.
Because...
When I was born, the placenta came out first. And then me. I knew unconsciously from the beginning, without any knowledge of the world, without any knowledge of what I would become, I knew that I would not like it here...
Thus I said, "hey placenta, you go first, they want to take something out and they have to take you, not me. I don't want to go out there."
Just a thought. But really, the placenta came out before I did. I could have died then.
Ever since my birth, I did not want to see the world.
Because...
When I was born, the placenta came out first. And then me. I knew unconsciously from the beginning, without any knowledge of the world, without any knowledge of what I would become, I knew that I would not like it here...
Thus I said, "hey placenta, you go first, they want to take something out and they have to take you, not me. I don't want to go out there."
Just a thought. But really, the placenta came out before I did. I could have died then.
Sunday, August 24, 2014
EARTHQUAKE
The lights were flickering from across the street and my window was open so it's like there was lightning.
My first thoughts were... wow I'm so scurred, if I have kids they will have a cowardly father.
I was having a good dream too... about her, even though I am supposed to be moving on...
Thursday, August 21, 2014
more things I think about after reading Tsurururur
- People actually like structure and being controlled. I think I like it too actually...
-And I think what annoyed me most is how they were overexaggerating about taking a chance to meet his friend, flying an 11 hr flight to see his friend without telling his friend that he will see her, and just hoping by chance that she will agree to see him once he's there
... well I've been in a similar situation, driving for 8 hours, and waiting in line for four hours hoping to see this girl I like, or who was my favorite friend, but my other friend did not want me to bump into her (she was hanging out with my other friend) and so I missed my chance in seeing that friend... made me so sad. THIS IS IRL we're talking about. It was by chance too, I was not even sure if that girl I like would be with the friend I was going to meet... I was relying on hope for her to be there, and she was there, I just did not get to meet her... I was so close.
No fair, fiction characters always get what's best for them... well their fate is decided by the author... I'd like a word with the author in the story of my life.
-And I think what annoyed me most is how they were overexaggerating about taking a chance to meet his friend, flying an 11 hr flight to see his friend without telling his friend that he will see her, and just hoping by chance that she will agree to see him once he's there
... well I've been in a similar situation, driving for 8 hours, and waiting in line for four hours hoping to see this girl I like, or who was my favorite friend, but my other friend did not want me to bump into her (she was hanging out with my other friend) and so I missed my chance in seeing that friend... made me so sad. THIS IS IRL we're talking about. It was by chance too, I was not even sure if that girl I like would be with the friend I was going to meet... I was relying on hope for her to be there, and she was there, I just did not get to meet her... I was so close.
No fair, fiction characters always get what's best for them... well their fate is decided by the author... I'd like a word with the author in the story of my life.
Monday, August 18, 2014
I finished Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage.
It gave sorta the overall theme South of the Border West of the Sun gave, if I am to compare it with Murakami's other novels. Which, I got, basically, about facing your past. I was hoping it would be more like A Wild Sheep Chase, Dance Dance Dance, Wild Up Bird Chronicle-like. But it is what it is, and I own it. I just wished I owned a Murakami book that I really really really liked, and would reread.
Anyways, THOUGHTS. THOUGHTS on the novel. I guess I am sort of jealous of Tsukuru, because he was able to get closure, and he had friends and all that. I was not able to get closure with my main problems and I still feel like I am dying but I liked how we were able to relate in that respect. It took him sixteen years for his closure, and I am only sitting at two years. So it's okay, I can wait...
I was hoping I can just... refresh my brain and move on, but this book made me want to hold on to her even more, and that makes me sad because I cannot understand her anymore... I don't know how she liked me if she did but I am certain that if she was going to do this to me, there must have been some feeling she felt... I don't think she would even treat garbage this way... so that's that, I am holding on because it feels natural. I'll hold on until I don't feel like it anymore. Not like there's a consequence after not feeling it anymore anyway, but I doubt it will happen.
The feeling is also enhance by my recent addiction to this cover
I am so going to die when it's all over Lol
It gave sorta the overall theme South of the Border West of the Sun gave, if I am to compare it with Murakami's other novels. Which, I got, basically, about facing your past. I was hoping it would be more like A Wild Sheep Chase, Dance Dance Dance, Wild Up Bird Chronicle-like. But it is what it is, and I own it. I just wished I owned a Murakami book that I really really really liked, and would reread.
Anyways, THOUGHTS. THOUGHTS on the novel. I guess I am sort of jealous of Tsukuru, because he was able to get closure, and he had friends and all that. I was not able to get closure with my main problems and I still feel like I am dying but I liked how we were able to relate in that respect. It took him sixteen years for his closure, and I am only sitting at two years. So it's okay, I can wait...
I was hoping I can just... refresh my brain and move on, but this book made me want to hold on to her even more, and that makes me sad because I cannot understand her anymore... I don't know how she liked me if she did but I am certain that if she was going to do this to me, there must have been some feeling she felt... I don't think she would even treat garbage this way... so that's that, I am holding on because it feels natural. I'll hold on until I don't feel like it anymore. Not like there's a consequence after not feeling it anymore anyway, but I doubt it will happen.
The feeling is also enhance by my recent addiction to this cover
I am so going to die when it's all over Lol
Sunday, August 17, 2014
because we are defined by our habits.
I like to show off that I read. I miss Xanga, where there would be an option to show off what you are currently reading when you post.
I am tired how I am known to just play video games all the time. I do not want to be known as a video game guy.
Because... I really don't play games. The misunderstanding me is annoying....
The last game I played was Pokemon X, and before that I played a bit of Ar Tonelico back in March, but other than that, I can't even remember the last game I played and completed. Seriously. I think it was Final Fantasy IX back in the summer of 2012. I do not even own a new generation console, I stopped at the PS2. The PS3 is still new to me, and now there's even a PS4!
Well I guess I did play a little MapleStory, but I just log in to do my farm, I don't train, I don't even stay logged in for 10 minutes.
I guess it's just my fault, that I do not tell people what I am doing, because what I am doing is literally waiting for this one girl I used to talk to a lot to talk to me again, but it's been two years and she won't talk to me again... if only she did not have a tracker on her blog she would have never knew I checked up on her blog five thousand times a day and we would have still been friends...
Well I guess being called a person who plays games all day is better than being called a creepy stalker.
I am tired how I am known to just play video games all the time. I do not want to be known as a video game guy.
Because... I really don't play games. The misunderstanding me is annoying....
The last game I played was Pokemon X, and before that I played a bit of Ar Tonelico back in March, but other than that, I can't even remember the last game I played and completed. Seriously. I think it was Final Fantasy IX back in the summer of 2012. I do not even own a new generation console, I stopped at the PS2. The PS3 is still new to me, and now there's even a PS4!
Well I guess I did play a little MapleStory, but I just log in to do my farm, I don't train, I don't even stay logged in for 10 minutes.
I guess it's just my fault, that I do not tell people what I am doing, because what I am doing is literally waiting for this one girl I used to talk to a lot to talk to me again, but it's been two years and she won't talk to me again... if only she did not have a tracker on her blog she would have never knew I checked up on her blog five thousand times a day and we would have still been friends...
Well I guess being called a person who plays games all day is better than being called a creepy stalker.
Serious stalker face, with stalker dogs Doby and Bones... and showing off MapleStory hoodie.
Saturday, August 16, 2014
So I finished reading through Daul Kim's blog...
-Someone agrees with me, that communism is beautiful. I do not feel so alone anymore in that respect.
-She also questions being logical, and that we're logical so we feel secure and safe... it's a behavioral mechanism to protect one's self. I can see that.
-She also likes guys who smile back and are happy... like me! I can be happy and smile.
-Be aggressive in getting what you want.
Maybe I can move on knowing that the girl I liked was selfish? Maybe I should like someone who is more of a community type of person.. some conformist. All the girls I've liked emphasized individuality and I noticed how different they are compared to the masses... but meh, I can't really predict anything, and it's not like I'm looking for anyone anyways.
It's whatever!
I also noticed I started blogging here right after she died... she died November 19, 2009.. and my first post is November 16, 2009... I need to carry on her legacy! Too bad I am no model... maybe I should try to be a model. I should have been a model, all those Filipino beauty people always say so... or are they just saying that?
But they've always been saying that.
This song is addicting
Books I should read:
Sophie's World Jostein Gaarder
Milan Kundera's
Madji Murat Tolstoy
Anyways, now I just have to listen to all the songs she listened to.
-Someone agrees with me, that communism is beautiful. I do not feel so alone anymore in that respect.
-She also questions being logical, and that we're logical so we feel secure and safe... it's a behavioral mechanism to protect one's self. I can see that.
-She also likes guys who smile back and are happy... like me! I can be happy and smile.
-Be aggressive in getting what you want.
Maybe I can move on knowing that the girl I liked was selfish? Maybe I should like someone who is more of a community type of person.. some conformist. All the girls I've liked emphasized individuality and I noticed how different they are compared to the masses... but meh, I can't really predict anything, and it's not like I'm looking for anyone anyways.
It's whatever!
I also noticed I started blogging here right after she died... she died November 19, 2009.. and my first post is November 16, 2009... I need to carry on her legacy! Too bad I am no model... maybe I should try to be a model. I should have been a model, all those Filipino beauty people always say so... or are they just saying that?
But they've always been saying that.
This song is addicting
Books I should read:
Sophie's World Jostein Gaarder
Milan Kundera's
Madji Murat Tolstoy
Anyways, now I just have to listen to all the songs she listened to.
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