I want to work... but not for the money, I just don't want to feel so arrogant... it's a weird feeling. It's like, I don't have to work because I am not committed to anyone or anything, but more like... this could be the same feeling people get when they are out of place? Being so detached, all I can do is be undetached. Unless I detach myself some more. But really, sometimes I feel like I really am looking down on everyone because they all seem so half awake.
I just want to shake them up but I don't want to, partly because I don't care what they do, and another part is... that I'm too socially anxious to make those moves. The only reason I would want them to wake up is so that I don't look so stupid saying things that make sense but does not to them. Maybe it's my problem to make my things make more sense. I want to bring myself back down, because that's what I am. An ordinary person like everyone else.
It just feels so weird. Just so uncomfortable. My thoughts and my feelings are so uncomfortable. I wonder if I'm complaining. I cringe at the thought of people thinking that I complain or me coming out as snobby. I don't even like that word but I can't think of any word to say instead of snobby, and sometimes when I don't like a word, I just don't say it at all. That's how sensitive my aesthetics are. My phonetic aesthetics. Which then leads to unsent words... which then leads to misunderstanding, and miscommunication...
Tuesday, November 5, 2013
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Friday, November 1, 2013
Thursday, October 31, 2013
I think we only get mad at things we could have changed.
And that's when I think about her.
I think I'll move on once society feels like a better escape from her.
But for now, the pain of holding on is less painful than what's out there. I think it's generally an unhealthy way of thinking, but it just feels so natural.
And that's when I think about her.
I think I'll move on once society feels like a better escape from her.
But for now, the pain of holding on is less painful than what's out there. I think it's generally an unhealthy way of thinking, but it just feels so natural.
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
Weird Dream
I had another weird dream. It was between 2:30am to 4:30am, but that does not mean anything. Nothing means anything anyway so I don't know why I'm saying that something should mean something because saying that implies that it should mean something even though it probably means nothing at all.
But between that hour, it means that the dream happened sometime between 2:30am to 4:30am. I don't know why my mind decided to dream about what I dreamed but it did. Maybe dreams help us remember things to reveal the connection of all events in our lives, because it's all connected. Shapes us who we are I guess.
Sorry for the digression. You want to know what my dream was of. And, I shall...
It was evening. It felt like those long road trips and you stop at a gas station. But, at night, it's getting darker, because well, it felt like it was evening. Maybe it was actually morning but the dream portrayed it as evening. Well, I was sleeping at 2:30am-4:30am so technically it was really morning. But the dream looked like it was evening, so please picture it as evening.
Sorry again.
I went inside a market. I felt that it was Safeway, so it is Safeway even though it isn't. So I enter Safeway, and took an unwrapped toilet paper off the shelf, but I noticed there were only two rolls. THe one I picked up was smaller than the other one, so I assume that someone actually used this one. I put it down, and pick up the bigger one, and went up to the counter to pay for it. Along with the bigger toilet paper roll, I bought bags of bread and some other pastries. Maybe it wasn't Safeway, but Target. The cashier was a Filipino lady with short hair wearing a red vest. So that's why I think it could be Target. Because of her red vest. I think Target workers wear those things. And then my cell phone rang and I talked to my mom... then the dream got really fuzzy.
I was carrying all the groceries I bought at Safeway orTarget... actually, it could even be SeaFoodcity. They wear red vests there too, right? And she was a Filipino lady. And one of my grocerries was two bags of Pandesal... but whatever. I drop a lot of groceries on my way to my car, and on the way to my car were these gangster looking people. They went up to me, and I felt like I knew them. They warned me about the cops, so I hurried and I felt like I wasn't holding any of my grocerries. And somehow I had a red car and it was parked in the middle of the road, and I thought "why did I park in the middle of the road" so I get in the car and the keys are like attached to the chair. I didn't have the keys when I went in. So I enter the car, take the keys from the chair, and drove... the car was stick shift, and I don't know how to drive stick but I drove it anyway figuring out how to drive it in the process
.... and then some weird voices and flashes of memory flashes in my mind and I wake up. The end.
Such a weird dream, and now I procrastinated enough.
But between that hour, it means that the dream happened sometime between 2:30am to 4:30am. I don't know why my mind decided to dream about what I dreamed but it did. Maybe dreams help us remember things to reveal the connection of all events in our lives, because it's all connected. Shapes us who we are I guess.
Sorry for the digression. You want to know what my dream was of. And, I shall...
It was evening. It felt like those long road trips and you stop at a gas station. But, at night, it's getting darker, because well, it felt like it was evening. Maybe it was actually morning but the dream portrayed it as evening. Well, I was sleeping at 2:30am-4:30am so technically it was really morning. But the dream looked like it was evening, so please picture it as evening.
Sorry again.
I went inside a market. I felt that it was Safeway, so it is Safeway even though it isn't. So I enter Safeway, and took an unwrapped toilet paper off the shelf, but I noticed there were only two rolls. THe one I picked up was smaller than the other one, so I assume that someone actually used this one. I put it down, and pick up the bigger one, and went up to the counter to pay for it. Along with the bigger toilet paper roll, I bought bags of bread and some other pastries. Maybe it wasn't Safeway, but Target. The cashier was a Filipino lady with short hair wearing a red vest. So that's why I think it could be Target. Because of her red vest. I think Target workers wear those things. And then my cell phone rang and I talked to my mom... then the dream got really fuzzy.
I was carrying all the groceries I bought at Safeway orTarget... actually, it could even be SeaFoodcity. They wear red vests there too, right? And she was a Filipino lady. And one of my grocerries was two bags of Pandesal... but whatever. I drop a lot of groceries on my way to my car, and on the way to my car were these gangster looking people. They went up to me, and I felt like I knew them. They warned me about the cops, so I hurried and I felt like I wasn't holding any of my grocerries. And somehow I had a red car and it was parked in the middle of the road, and I thought "why did I park in the middle of the road" so I get in the car and the keys are like attached to the chair. I didn't have the keys when I went in. So I enter the car, take the keys from the chair, and drove... the car was stick shift, and I don't know how to drive stick but I drove it anyway figuring out how to drive it in the process
.... and then some weird voices and flashes of memory flashes in my mind and I wake up. The end.
Such a weird dream, and now I procrastinated enough.
Tuesday, October 29, 2013
Canadians
"OTL" is hella Canadian. I only seen two people who use that and they're both Canadian. Therefore it's hella Canadian.
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