Work

I want to work... but not for the money, I just don't want to feel so arrogant... it's a weird feeling.  It's like, I don't have to work because I am not committed to anyone or anything, but more like... this could be the same feeling people get when they are out of place?  Being so detached, all I can do is be undetached.  Unless I detach myself some more.  But really, sometimes I feel like I really am looking down on everyone because they all seem so half awake.

I just want to shake them up but I don't want to, partly because I don't  care what they do, and another part is... that I'm too socially anxious to make those moves.  The only reason I would want them to wake up is so that I don't look so stupid saying things that make sense but does not to them.  Maybe it's my problem to make my things make more sense.  I want to bring myself back down, because that's what I am.  An ordinary person like everyone else.

 It just feels so weird.  Just so uncomfortable.  My thoughts and my feelings are so uncomfortable.  I wonder if I'm complaining. I cringe at the thought of people thinking that I complain or me coming out as snobby.  I don't even like that word but I can't think of any word to say instead of snobby, and sometimes when I don't like a word, I just don't say it at all.  That's how sensitive my aesthetics are.  My phonetic aesthetics.  Which then leads to unsent words... which then leads to misunderstanding, and miscommunication...