St00pid

Meh, I guess being angry didn't work, or you're really not reading and responding to a comment. But really, I don't care if you suck at being a friend,I just wanted to be able to talk to you again because it was fun...

Anyways, if only you knew how happy I was to finally hear directly from you. Well, hapy isn't the right word. More like relieved, but I really can't do anything. Your barriers are too strong, and the limitations of an online friendship makes that barrier impenetrable...

I was trying to get your attention because I sent you another message on basil, that I wanted you to read so I kept stalking you that time. The first time was just embarrassing because I didn't know you had a tracker... second time I really tried to show that I was to get your attention because I sent you a message and I really wanted you to read it, hoping that you'd be my friend again.

I know I was pushing boundaries. But I wasn't sure. You dind't talk to me directly and I thought you were one to actually tell me in perseon, being I know you wouldn't want the same done to you...

Sorry for that though. I guess I was being selfish. That's all. I thought we ha a good friendship, and I loved you, so I dind't want you just out of my life like that. But I'm selfish because I only thought of myself. It was what I wanted, I wanted to talk to youa gain, even knowing you, yourself didn't want anything to do with me anymore. For that, sorry and bye. I'll never forget anything. Thank you for these precious memories.

"The only time a man can cry is when it's all over"

There, you can laugh at me now.

"The purpose of life is to search for the purpose of life."

So I guess if I'm searching, I'm doing fine.

Feeling So Out of Place

Why am I like this... I don't sound like this IRL.  Why can't I be who I am IRL, online?

Maybe she'd like me... or not.  All I can do is wait.

As soon as I got the hint I should have kicked her ass... fuck.  Now I feel that I lost.

FUCK.  Her friendship suck so much that I can't even shed a tear for her no matter what I dig through or think about.  She sucked so much!

... and maybe that's the reason why I was so attracted to her...

Things I Hella Hate/ Uncomfortable Doing

-Asking for something

1.  Asking for something.  I think its because it ruins my consistency train, as that I I've never really ask for things... because my mom has always anticipated everything I guess.  Maybe that's one of the cons of being such a good mom.

This is not right...

She's happy.

I'm supposed to be happy that she's happy...

Why am I not happy that she's happy?

I'm supposed to love her, and I'm supposed to be happy when she's happy...

But I'm not...

But this is really pumping me up.  I feel like working hard on something...

Or... I just don't love her afterall!

And if I don't love her, that means she's a stranger...
And if she's a stranger, I don't know her, and she posts stuff on Tumblr for the Public!
If I wasn't a stranger, I would be the "Private" and not the public!
So that means I'm part of the public...
And it's okay to stalk!!!!!

Ah shit, must respect her, lalala.

Hmmm...

Maybe I should stalk her to get her attention again...

What could go wrong?  She'll never blog on Tumblr again?

It's not like she has a Tumblr right now anyways, because I'm not reading it... and it's all for myself, just like how she only cares about herself!  Eye for an eye.

I WANT to respect her decision... maybe I'll respect her for one more week?  Then I'll resume my stalking spree.

Damn, I just want to know what she really thought of me...