Change of Strategy

I really can't do anything slow.

I HAVE to do everything fast.

So the thing I have to actually work on, is LOOKING OVER MY WORK.

If she didn't read my first message, NONE of the afterones would have made sense... fuck, now I feel stupid.  Wish she would have responded but noOoO she's fucking immature as fuck.

I'm in love with everything about you except what I don't know about you. And when I learn those things that I don't know about you... I'll love those things too.

LOL my own quotes makes me feel so giddy about myself... lala I'm sooo cool.

Show your heart and you get burned. 

10 Day Challenge, Day 10

Ah, today concludes this ten day challenge series.  It's been fun, and has been keeping me on BlogSpot... though I think other thoughts made me blog here more than normal, I've even forgetten about the challenege for a couple of days.  Anyways,

10. One confession

I want to die instantly with no pain right now.  I'm really tired of being deceived and confused with everything that's going on.  I don't give a fuck... I don't give a fuck... and there are those thoughts that makes me such a hypocrite, which is stupid because I am who I am, and just fuck it!  I don't know, what the fuck, how come she just left me like that...

And what the fuck, this is not even a confession.  Well, I guess it is embarrassing, feeling that need to die because only losers feel that way?  I don't know, but why the fuck did she just leave me like that... I feel so deceived and stupid... not like I invested real capital on her, but the emotional toll I have and time I've put in devastates me... fuck!

Everything I do Offline is Inconsistent

... would feel so out of character.  I can't say or do anything with the friends I currently have, because it will disrupt the consistency I have had over the years.  I've learned in my Psychology class that we try to maintain this consistency that we always have,and if its altered in any way, it would make us very uncomfortable.

We also tend to follow those who we believe knows us best, to verify what we think of ourselves...  I don't know where this comes from, but it makes me wonder what she really thinks about herself... maybe I thought too highly of her?

Dammit, I hella disrupted my consistency by blogging on Tumblr... I'll NEVER reveal my shit to anyone again, Lol.  

Last Line

"In your last message you said no more messages, but I'm hoping commenting isn't the same as messaging, so here's a comment:  Hope you're doing well and don't mind that aggressive attempt message I sent on Basil. I didn't mean it, and I sent it right before you sent your message.  I was experimenting again and thought that you didn't like me because I was too passive. Sorry for my attempt in trying to be not-passive..."

I just keep making baseless assumptions, after assumptions.  The best approach to bring her back is to communicate with her directly.  However, the problem is that she refuses to open any lines for me to communicate with her at all.  She blocked most routes to communication, and the only ones available at the moment that I would be comfortable are, Blogspot, and Youtube.  Both have limited space to what I want to say, and they are places to "message", something she clearly stated she didn't want me to do.  Though, on Youtube, I think "comments" would be okay... comments are not messages, right? Which would be my justification for pushing the boundaries.

I do have my own boundaries though.  Things I would not do, would be to create a new account on any one of those sites, and fake it, and then drawing her in, and finally letting it all out.  I'm not going to be deceptive, and I really want to be honest.

Though the only honest thing, if I can be blunt, or if my heart can speak... the only honest words that exists is I love you and I want to always be with you... please come back, I truly love you. 

10 Day challenge, Day 9

Ah shit, I forgot all about this.

9. Two smileys that describe your life right now

1. '~'

2. ._.

:T