Theory on Dark Thoughts and Empathy

Maybe everyone has dark and ominous thoughts like me.  Maybe it's deep in the unconscious.  It's just that they are not aware of it... everyone knows life is not a good thing... that's why we use money and love to distort the view on life.  The more money and love people need, the more dark thoughts they have hidden... and because of these dark thoughts, we have empathy and we know what each other is going through.

I just want to know what she thought of me...

Actual to Ideal

Things that I wish I could get from doing school work:

-Gaining courage
-Being able to talk without my whole body shaking
-Being able to do stuff under pressure without having my hands shake
-Not blushing during conversation (or feel an increase in temperature)
-Having a fluid clear, crisp, and loud voice

April Showers, Brings May flowers?

Damn, I've been trying to fix this more than we have been actually friends... this proportion is staggering.

Do I give up?

Hell no, I invested way too much energy and I'm feeling so close... I just have to keep it up.  I have to stay committed.  Then the purpose of my life will be ripe to fruition, and I can finally live my life with courage!

Hopefully these November, December, January, February, March, April showers, finally brings May flowers.

So now all I can do is wait... must stalk for three weeks straight, and in the side, come up with another lengthy letter...

must give this everything I have, so I can be hurt 100%.  I guess its another form of suicide buahahahaha.

I can only hope that she'll approach me though... she has to...

I'm getting really tired of it all because I can't do it by myself, I really can't, as much as the kind of person I am, the one who tries to do everything himself...

it's really impossible...

Because any sort of relationship takes two people.

Holy Fucking Fuck

I can't believe I lost to a guy who says "good morning sunshine" and "hey beautiful."  What the fuck.  How the fuck did I lose.  Holy fucking fuck.

Maybe I don't understand her because I'm in love with her.

I think I want to hold on...

Because:

1. I love her
2. I don't think of dark thoughts as much

Things that keep me from thinking of dark thoughts:
1. Her
2. Basketball
3. Money