You know how you can't like someone completely? Like how they're not entirely good or bad?
I wonder what is it that people don't like about me... and I wonder why I think that, because it shouldn't matter and yet it does. Maybe this is why I'm such a recluse.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Saturday, April 27, 2013
I'm here in Orange County doing nothing when I should be doing my homework.
I could have met her two times already right after we stopped being close.
I am just not interesting in doing what I'm told... this is really bad.
My style of living is really jeopardizing my future, but then again, I've been dead. It's just this body that's been moving and thinking, but I really feel that "the me" is dead. There never even was a "me" to begin with...
I am a product of my surroundings and genetics. That's what "me" should be. I am always so egocentric though, thinking that I was just much more than that... but I'm not... and it should be okay.
I could have met her two times already right after we stopped being close.
I am just not interesting in doing what I'm told... this is really bad.
My style of living is really jeopardizing my future, but then again, I've been dead. It's just this body that's been moving and thinking, but I really feel that "the me" is dead. There never even was a "me" to begin with...
I am a product of my surroundings and genetics. That's what "me" should be. I am always so egocentric though, thinking that I was just much more than that... but I'm not... and it should be okay.
Friday, April 26, 2013
so STUPID
Trying to make her jealous must have been one of the dumbest things I ever done.
Even if she didn't get jealous I'd still go after her anyways. I think I just pushed her away even further. Not only that, but I feel so fucking guilty. It's an inconsistency with my own character since I view myself as "honest".
Anyways, at least I can stalk her again. KEKEKEKEKE.
Even if she didn't get jealous I'd still go after her anyways. I think I just pushed her away even further. Not only that, but I feel so fucking guilty. It's an inconsistency with my own character since I view myself as "honest".
Anyways, at least I can stalk her again. KEKEKEKEKE.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Train, Chemicals, and People Around My Age
I remember in my Psych class I learned something about when you have a baby you release chemicals that make you less aggressive or something like that... I probably need that.
Today at the BART, there was like a herd of children, probably going on a field trip and they were making so much noise, all the parents and teachers with them kept saying SHHH. It was so funny, these kids keep talking not knowing what they were talking about, so maybe that translates when they are adults... they don't really know what they're doing, because I remember almost everything I've experienced as a kid.
Well, the funny moments were when this one kid said OBAMA GANGNAM style, and he just kept humming that tune, but the OBAMA killed me.
I also played basketball yesterday, first game I played, I hit the game winner and this really tall black guy was like AHAHA YOU A BAAAD BOY, so funny, they're so cool. Second game I did terrible but I hit a couple of shots, actually I think I only made two, but I stole the ball like twice, but I also turned the ball over once, and I got like two rebounds or something, but I still hate myself for turning the ball over once and missing the last shot that cost the game.
I really feel that I don't fit in with people who are my age... its just a weird feeling, I get along better with kids. Maybe because everyone my age seem so stiff so I get so stiff too.
I was also thinking about the Frog who graduated from Frogfuscious's school in Mario RPG, about how he has graduated and is now searching for the meaning of life, and he's like holding this big ass book, always reading. I think I want to do that. That's all I ever think about anyways.
Today at the BART, there was like a herd of children, probably going on a field trip and they were making so much noise, all the parents and teachers with them kept saying SHHH. It was so funny, these kids keep talking not knowing what they were talking about, so maybe that translates when they are adults... they don't really know what they're doing, because I remember almost everything I've experienced as a kid.
Well, the funny moments were when this one kid said OBAMA GANGNAM style, and he just kept humming that tune, but the OBAMA killed me.
I also played basketball yesterday, first game I played, I hit the game winner and this really tall black guy was like AHAHA YOU A BAAAD BOY, so funny, they're so cool. Second game I did terrible but I hit a couple of shots, actually I think I only made two, but I stole the ball like twice, but I also turned the ball over once, and I got like two rebounds or something, but I still hate myself for turning the ball over once and missing the last shot that cost the game.
I really feel that I don't fit in with people who are my age... its just a weird feeling, I get along better with kids. Maybe because everyone my age seem so stiff so I get so stiff too.
I was also thinking about the Frog who graduated from Frogfuscious's school in Mario RPG, about how he has graduated and is now searching for the meaning of life, and he's like holding this big ass book, always reading. I think I want to do that. That's all I ever think about anyways.
Monday, April 22, 2013
Experiences and Imagination
Best experience in college? Being a Biology major. Everything in life objectively is so chaotic, and just concepts how everything just is and how genetics just make people the way they are simplifies this everything in life.
My mood really does fluctuate. Is it really out of my control? What is willpower. How come I can't really do things that I did before... everything is just so weird.
Planning=Imagining. Don't imagine, don't plan... most of the memories I've created were spontaneous. How the hell did I think that I'd actually befriend her yet alone falling for her? I remember seeing her profile picture and I was like, "how come I don't have friends as good-looking as her?!?!" But we became close friends... and it took off and soared from there.
But now we're apart, and I don't know what everything meant to her.
My mood really does fluctuate. Is it really out of my control? What is willpower. How come I can't really do things that I did before... everything is just so weird.
Planning=Imagining. Don't imagine, don't plan... most of the memories I've created were spontaneous. How the hell did I think that I'd actually befriend her yet alone falling for her? I remember seeing her profile picture and I was like, "how come I don't have friends as good-looking as her?!?!" But we became close friends... and it took off and soared from there.
But now we're apart, and I don't know what everything meant to her.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
One Person Book Club
I think lots of people don't read because its difficult to find a writing style you want, in addition to how its written, the story has to be good, and its just so hard to look through selections and stuff... they don't sample previews on television.
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