light blue jeans

When I see people wear them I automatically think that I'm better than them in everything... just because they're wearing that faggy color. So funny, faggot.

Also thought of this story idea, where someone sees the truth.. and the truth is that everyone's life purpose is to have their soul end up in this one place (equivalent to hell) and stuff happens, so everything everyone has done is meaningless!

haircut

I have been going to the same haircut lady for five years.  She knows my name and everything, but we barely talk.

Yesterday was just one question.  She asked, what do you do when you're at home?  Play with your friends?

And I say... "...yeah."

I don't like how people say "I'm weird." Not me, as in me me.  But when other people who are not me just say "I'm weird." Well, shit, no you aren't!

This.

This is how you become reclusive.

Friends leaving you for other people.
No where else to express hate.
Being naturally reserved.
Not knowing what happened....

I feel like randomly tripping people walking down aisles.

Anyways, some thoughts:

Maybe I should transgender myself, and call myself a lesbian.  Just like Oshima in Kafka but instead of a girl turning into a guy but being attractive to guys, I'll turn myself into a female (but be attracted to girls).

I think in the future I'll put weeds in pots, and grow fields of flowers.  But my main plants that would be in pots would be different species of weeds.

I think the only way guys can get away with being sensitive is to make it funny somehow.

ugh why can't I just be a recluse all my life... I can but... there's really nothing I can do to get revenge on those people who I just hate so much...

awh fuck 2

She wasn't in a relationship.  She was single.

THAT MEANS I SHOULD HAVE JUST WROTE LOVE LETTERS.

... and dammit, I think she thinks I'm a loser.  I have to show that I'm not a loser and I can only do that IRL so fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.  If only I held on until July 3... shit!  Some patient person I am.

Trying too hard

I notice I try really hard to show who I am in person, online.

And in person, I try my best to show who I am online...

Anyways.



I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

I don't know shit about her.

NOTHING

NOTHING could have prepared me for what has happened.

Didn't really like her initially.

Then I just... fell.

And it took over.  Maybe if I was already in a relationship things wouldn't have ended the way they did.

But anyways, I have to remember that not thinking at all is better than pointless thinking.

Though... the thought of her makes me hate the world.

another thing that she helped in...

made me realize that I really don't want to be a CLS... because I wasn't looking forward to it.

oops!

So I think I really do need money.