she walks too fast.

So my friend was here today as well, BUT SHE WAS PACKING TOO SLOW.  It's my fault though because I didn't tell her to hurry up.  Anyways, I walked ahead of my friend to catch up to CPG.  SHE WAS POPPING GREEN FROM BLACK.  <3 her fashion LOL.  But she was walking... ALONE.  And I was walking... ALONE AS WELL.  But she was walking too fast, I was hesitating a bit hoping my friend could catch up to me but of course that was up to no avail.  So, CPG walked ahead, and I was left behind. HMPH.  SHE IS SO FRIGGIN CUTE.  and I missed my opportunity YET AGAIN.  I HAVE NO COURAGE- omfg the sorting hat would definitely NOT PUT ME IN GRYFFINDOR.

Hopefully she takes the same class with me next semester >< speaking of next semester, Ravel: Pavane pour une infante défunte; ♫ Fauré: Pavane, op 50 #listeningto In a mood for pavanes is tweeted by SARAH ALAINN, and I'll do those for my next listening paper I guess lol

courage.

^ that's what I'm missing...

but when I do something I would call courageous, my mind goes blank, can't think when I'm trying to be courageous lol.

How does courage relate to will-power?

How come my mood fluctuates? How does critical thinking help me with that?!?!?! Motivation motivation motivation.

this sucks.

So it has been about almost four months since I crushed on her.  And now it has been almost three months since I planned on saying hi to her.  And now, the semester is closing in, two weeks left, and one week left of seeing her in my class.  I lost all my chances, and now the only time when I'll say hi is when I am very nervous because final exams are coming up.  It is going to be either a hi and look really dumb or no hi at all, and we will part ways.  There might be a chance that she will end up in a class of mine next semester but the chances are extremely slim.  So, #$#$#@!!!

I fail so bad ):

Not like I knew her, but I missed my chance to know her.  From the outside in a superficial view, I can conclude that she saves money (like no make up, wears the same outfits), dresses nice (nice color coordination, not sure about today though, gray top plus open brown hoodie, but I only glanced for like a second then turned my head really fast so it probably looked nice if I stared longer lol), hard worker (she gets stressed and overwhelmed), good talker, nice smile, KLSJDF:LJS WHYYYY DID I MISS THIS CHANCE.  What if she was like, THE ONE.  But then again, I didn't feel ready because I get emo at random times and my character isn't consistent, and all these negative things about me which are TRUE.  But then again, I will NEVER feel ready, and I know that I never will because I am always seeking self improvement, and seeking this is beyond a life time (stupid but this is how I roll!) DAMMIT T______T

The day I was waiting for, was this concert my class is working on.  I was hoping to talk to her, but today I over heard her talking to the teacher saying she can not make it.  And that was when I fell apart completely.

Depressing day. I need to practice talking somehow.  I am only good at talking to kids, and people who I disagree with (but they end up agreeing with me, so it is like ARGH)

Anyways, my medicine was music which was good. Techno fast beat music.

-

I finished Deathly Hallows.  And THERE WAS AN UNREQUITED LOVE PART LOL.  But it was not with Voldemort.  Frggin Lily and Snape.  I laughed so hard when Ron told Harry that he spoke in Parseltongue.  I could picture Ron hissing randomly.  Kreacher is so awesome.  The book seemed so short, and I miss Hogwarts, as in Harry and friends going to class and such.  But I guess it was a nice way of changing, showing that we students are not in school forever, we move on, on the run! Arianna Dumbledore reminded me of some dark Pokemon who couldn't control her own power.  Forgot which Pokemon it was though that did something similar.  Or maybe it is Gohan and I am thinking Dragon Ball Z.

Watched the Order of the Phoenix movie.  THEY DID NOT HAVE THE SCENE where I cried, when Harry breaks the mirror.  Sigh.

edit: watched JK Rowlings a year in her life, yeay I got one thing right in that her depression inspired dementers!

NBA 2011 playoffs

I think...

WESTERN DIVISION

1st seed- LA Lakers

2nd- San Antonio Spurs

3rd- Dallas Mavericks

4th- OKC Thunder

5th- Utah Jazz

6th- Denver Nuggets

7th- Houston Rockets

8th- New Orleans Hornets

EASTERN DIVISION

1st- Boston Celtics

2nd- Chicago Bulls

3rd- Miami Heat

4th- Orlando Magic

5th- Atlanta Hawks

6th- Indiana Pacers

7th- Milwaukee Bucks

8th- New York Knicks

knew what was coming...

but still felt it anyway.  Harry keeping Dumbledore's word even tho he's dead... so touching!

And the whole Merope story and all, Merope sounds so attractive IMO lol. If there was a picture of Merope, I have dibbs on that she looks like MIR from Ar Tonelico (the first one).

It felt so gloomy though- the whole story, and I heard To Zanarkand play in my head reading through (I did to the other books as well) because I know who dies in the end.  Its like viewing an old home video. With sad piano songs playing in my head. It felt so black and white.

Wish it showed some kind of unrequited love of Voldemort, or some kind of love for Voldemort.  But that would make it too much like a movie I guess, maybe so many stories of something like that are out there already.  Oh wells. kajs;ldfj! gonna start 7.

Anyways, bookstores and libraries can save money by not using "Romance" name tags.  Just put them under "Fiction"!

half blood prince...

recording stuff ^^

-Obsessive love.  Yup, I concur with Professor Slughorn, it's very powerful so far. Maybe that's what you call true love.  When both people are obsessive about it, it can last forever lol

-"it was like having friends"- Luna Lovegood.  I think I talk like her lol, saying stuff like "I miss the DA, it was like having friends."  Except, I miss JSA, it was like having friends. I miss all of high school actually.  The only thing coming close now is Reading Partners and walking this one friend IF she comes to class but she usually oversleeps.

jdkfajsdj harry pottter

indifference hurts more than dislike?!?!?! aksdjfjslfjharrypottr!

reading what was cut... omfg, they cut out the most vivid scenes in the book that I imagined from the movie. WTF, I wanted to see my imagination come to life, not some made up shortened shit. WTF.

things I learned:

Mind reading.  Yup, you can't read it, even if you can read it.  The mind is much more complex.  So, I'll never use that term, "MIND READING" ever again!  Or maybe I took the "reading" part of "mind reading" too literally lol

Occlumency.  Clearing out my mind might be good.

And something real... Fred and George doing good in business, + not learning much in school.  It's true, good business ppl don't learn how to be a good business man in school.

What else what else, there was much more but I forgot.  Definitely going to remember McGonnagall she is so friggin awesome. I think I was like Luna Lovegood in school... except I didn't go up to ppl and talk lol kJDS:LFJS Half Blood Prince time WTF.

and I read the Giving Tree for the second time, thought of something funny when the boy was with his GF or w/e behind the tree.  So, it's a love triangle in the book, the Giving Tree.  The tree loves the boy, the girl loves the tree, the boy loves the girl but has been neglecting the tree.   All three characters were lying down behind the tree.  AND, so the funny thingie I thought of is that they're having a TREEsome. lololol. funnier if I can find a pic and post it.

dat decision.

So I don't think being a teacher is a bad first choice, I mean I can always change careers if I don't like it, and I feel that I'm more closer to being a teacher than ever, so why don't I go for it? lol GEEZ I'm making things harder for myself and everyone else.

Reading Order of the Penix.  OMFG so funny how Cho Chang walked into Harry with losers.  And I'm hating Umbridge too, JK Rowling is too good. Such a good book so far, I can't believe how much stuff I just passed while reading this six years ago... did I really truly enjoy it back then?

Waiting for Chicago's game... boo Lakers!

Wish I didn't judge people, but it can't be helped I guess.  I could never feel good without comparing myself to others in some ways, so it's such an awkward perspective to look at me from, my judgments are feelings and it's intertwined with how I bring myself up, and WTF I'm feeling so contradictory right now, time to just laugh it off... bleh whatever!

Random thought: Is life so much more exciting when ur emotional?