this sucks.

So it has been about almost four months since I crushed on her.  And now it has been almost three months since I planned on saying hi to her.  And now, the semester is closing in, two weeks left, and one week left of seeing her in my class.  I lost all my chances, and now the only time when I'll say hi is when I am very nervous because final exams are coming up.  It is going to be either a hi and look really dumb or no hi at all, and we will part ways.  There might be a chance that she will end up in a class of mine next semester but the chances are extremely slim.  So, #$#$#@!!!

I fail so bad ):

Not like I knew her, but I missed my chance to know her.  From the outside in a superficial view, I can conclude that she saves money (like no make up, wears the same outfits), dresses nice (nice color coordination, not sure about today though, gray top plus open brown hoodie, but I only glanced for like a second then turned my head really fast so it probably looked nice if I stared longer lol), hard worker (she gets stressed and overwhelmed), good talker, nice smile, KLSJDF:LJS WHYYYY DID I MISS THIS CHANCE.  What if she was like, THE ONE.  But then again, I didn't feel ready because I get emo at random times and my character isn't consistent, and all these negative things about me which are TRUE.  But then again, I will NEVER feel ready, and I know that I never will because I am always seeking self improvement, and seeking this is beyond a life time (stupid but this is how I roll!) DAMMIT T______T

The day I was waiting for, was this concert my class is working on.  I was hoping to talk to her, but today I over heard her talking to the teacher saying she can not make it.  And that was when I fell apart completely.

Depressing day. I need to practice talking somehow.  I am only good at talking to kids, and people who I disagree with (but they end up agreeing with me, so it is like ARGH)

Anyways, my medicine was music which was good. Techno fast beat music.

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I finished Deathly Hallows.  And THERE WAS AN UNREQUITED LOVE PART LOL.  But it was not with Voldemort.  Frggin Lily and Snape.  I laughed so hard when Ron told Harry that he spoke in Parseltongue.  I could picture Ron hissing randomly.  Kreacher is so awesome.  The book seemed so short, and I miss Hogwarts, as in Harry and friends going to class and such.  But I guess it was a nice way of changing, showing that we students are not in school forever, we move on, on the run! Arianna Dumbledore reminded me of some dark Pokemon who couldn't control her own power.  Forgot which Pokemon it was though that did something similar.  Or maybe it is Gohan and I am thinking Dragon Ball Z.

Watched the Order of the Phoenix movie.  THEY DID NOT HAVE THE SCENE where I cried, when Harry breaks the mirror.  Sigh.

edit: watched JK Rowlings a year in her life, yeay I got one thing right in that her depression inspired dementers!