Must Recluse

I think I'll give myself eight days before I send her another letter.... which will be my last.

As patient as I thought I was, I just can't do it anymore.  It's really consuming me, but at the same time its keeping me alive... without it, I'd die, and with it, I'm having a torturous death.

I think it would be better if I send messages to her if I wasn't in love or obsessed with her or whatever... but maybe she really is not the friend I thought she was...  it really hurts how she just ignores me, stops talking to me, and just cuts off communication with me... not even living up to her words that she's there for me.

She wasn't even thankful for me being her friend... never really cared about me at all, really.  Never took her time to just get to know me... it was always me that was interested in her, the more I look back at it.

I really have to let this one go, for my sake.  I want to die a peaceful death.

She's also a liar, and she talks to so many other people... she really does talk to so many other people, and those four months we had together, as special as I thought it was, it was probably just a Tuesday to her.  She probably cherishes those moments like she cherishes her memories of being a one year old baby.  Everything we've been through was meaningless... because she's not showing it...

I don't know.  I just want to die.  Now.  I want to die now. I'm really really tired of all this... I want to hold on, but I can't, too tired. And annoyed.  But more tired than annoyed.  Because I'm used to being annoyed... annoyed for what, 6 months?

And so my heart leaps at the sight at another Tumblr entry or YouTube Like, and the cycle continues...