Goals

I think I'm really not introverted now... I can trace the signs from my past.

I've always enjoyed visitors.  I remember bits of pieces of when they'd come to my house and I was really young... my brother would want to stay in his room, and I followed whatever he did.  So, I didn't get out to meet anyone.

When my cousins left, I'd cry.  I've always liked company.

So yeah, I don't think I'm an introverted person that I thought I was.  I always enjoy reading in class and speeches... I guess it was my own ideas and thoughts that I'm just afraid of.  Judgment, that's all.   So I'm just shy and I need exposure.

I really can't see me in a relationship, or ever believing if someone ever truly loves or likes me because I've never been who I always wanted to be... I've always wanted to be comfortable everywhere I go, and I'm not.  I need that exposure and independence because that's what I want and what I believe I should be doing, and I should be at that level before anyone can love or like me.

I think the most important step to become the person I want to be, is courage, and I have to have the courage to take the little steps.  I need: exposure, and I need to just speak and ask questions.  I find me being with another friend helps me a lot to be social.  Having friends is about giving and taking... it's not all about give and give, so I must  start taking advantage of friends.  I actually do have friends with a wide social network, so I'm not too concern about being so alone... or I shouldn't be at least.

Dancing should help.  I should also initiate calls to my two other best friends.  I already know which people I dislike, so I know how to stay away from it.

I should also stop thinking about what I have to say, because usually after that thought of thinking about what to say I think of the next scenario and possible conversations after what I say which usually do not even happen.  I should just think of what I want to say one at a time.

Anyways, as much anticonsumerist that I want to be, there is a little bit of bad and good in us, therefore I am a hypocrite because ... well, I don't know many words, and I don't know a word that is equivalent to "a little bit of hypocrite", so what I want are new headphones.  Earphones kill my ear.  I want headphones.