Thought I was going to spectate my entire life until someone comes along and stays with me, wants to stay with me, and loves me for whatever I am… until I met her.
There’s this girl I’ve known for like a month now, and I find myself falling for her. OMG she’s literally shaking my heart because she’s the only one that really calls me on my cell phone, which I put on my shirt’s pocket, which is over my left breast, and the left side of the human, anatomically, a bit deeper, is where the heart should reside, so when she calls me she’s literally shaking my heart! (phone is on vibrate) omg I’m so romantic lololol… or it could be just shaking my boob. I like the sound of shaking my heart better though.
Operation Strategy, Phase 1:
Approach her with caution, be really cool, have an indifferent tone, I MUST ACT INDIFFERENT. I must have my eyes glow, stare at her, into the eyes, stare at her when she’s not looking and quickly look away if she looks back, BUT she has to catch me on the act of looking away (she sits across from me and we face each other) … I MUST ALWAYS look mad or sad, but ONLY smile at HER, and SHOW that I only smile, and am only happy when I see her (I know my smile is the shit!)… just so that she gets the message? YUP BOOAHAHAHA THIS IS WHAT U GET FOR CROSSING PATHS WITH THE XENOSBIOZ. MUTHAfuCKAHH???? MUTHAFUCKAHHH!!!
IDK how to start anything though… I know that if I say anything it’ll end up to be more awkward than it already is. It’s out of my comfort awkward zone. I know I’m awkward,and I’m comfortable being that way, but just talking will get me out of my awkward talking zone. Maybe start with friendly hugs? And then peck her on the top of her head with a casual “MUAhZ” just really playfully? ah fuck lol kEEE she so cute!!!
Why I like her:
She could hear me! I THINK most people can’t hear me but she does, which is verified by how she actually responds to me, and what I say even though i kinda whisper it to the person I’m adjacent to (she sits across from me, and its a lab bench..) She laughs at me too! She smells so good… she pats me a lot… her shape is like a little bear cub whom I really really just want to hug her. She’s very honest, straightforward in revealing her insecurities… she’s VERY THANKFUL, and helps me so much even though I haven’t asked… she’s a good anticipator, would be great for our future baby.. alskdfjs ! She can anticipate all our baby’s future needs. ”Gimme my fucking bott- oh fuck, I have the bottle in my mouth already, thank you mom that Xeno chose” BOOAHAHAHA. Her name is adorable as well. most adorable name I ever heard and spoken. i get all giddy just whispering it… KEKEKEKE. I think she’s really outgoing, and it balances with me, I think I can come out of my shell if I continue hanging out with her.. if she isn’t outgoing, we can both work on it together? She’s motivating me to study, but its a bad thing if she doesn’t like like me all of a sudden and I fall apart… she is also so frigging funny like she got offended when I told her I thought she was Mexican, and that some other things that’s hard to describe in words. She’s just a really cool person. So human.. lol.
What I think I’m over thinking:
I wonder if I’m subconsciously switching my way of thinking to a way to something that I think a girl that I’m attracted to would like… or am I just very open minded? Honestly though if a girl likes me, like if I genuinely feel it (feel, it doesn’t mean its right) I try really hard to like her back.
I also saw another old black slash Asian couple in their 70s maybe? It was at church today. And I see “her” in lecture hanging out with this other black guy. Shit! lol but whatever. If I really like her I’d go for her anyways right? *swoons* she sooo nice lol
What to think of when I don’t want to like her:
She wears too much eye make up and she wears nail polish. She may also be playing with me but whatever. She has a lot of friends and guy friends maybe, so maybe I can just picture her with her guy friends all the time? IDK.
What I must do:
It’s an automatic instinct in that i have to work on it… what kind of work you ask? I must get close to her, be reliable, must show that i am someone she can depend on? WHICH I FUCKING CAN DO MUTHAFUCHAAHH. I’m dope as shit when committed to it okays?!??! I also must follow up on what she says about studying with her. Encourage her, be better than her so I can be more trustworthy when I study with her… because she can’t study with someone dumber than her of course, right?
Conversation starters? Well I can comment on her hair, for smelling nice. I’ll say she smells good, and I’ll say sorry if I don’t smell good because I think I don’t smell that good since I was riding on the train and the train makes me not smell so good so thank you for smelling so good!… what else can I say, hMMM??!?! I hope I don’t weird her out lol.
Am I this pathetic? I don’t even really know her but I guess her personality is what I’ve been searching for… she just keeps patting me lol and omg SHE SO CUTE LOL
Oh God, pleeeeeease love or like me back :(
But then again, what if this is just another step for me… what if this was supposed to happen, and we were to be together, but were meant to break up for this higher purpose that I think it will serve?
Lol, sorry I’d actually be more giddy for entertainment purposes and because I’m honest with my feelings, but I’m starting to over think my giddyness thus it doesn’t come out too entertaining or giddy. I guess this is what age does to me.
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